My typical morning goes a little something like this: Drag self out of bed, kick out any remaining sailors, shower, put on clothes, drink coffee, stab self in eye with eyeliner, take Metro, walk to office.But sometimes, my two favorite morning companions join me. No, not Smith & Wesson. Not coffee and whiskey. Not even Captain and Tennille can compare.
See, some days I'll run into this awesome homeless dude. He has the habit of stopping dead in his tracks, pointing at me, and bursting into hysterical laughter. The first time he did it, I flashed back to 10th grade gym class. The second time, I asked, "Is it my outfit?" He nodded, laughed again, and shuffled off. There is nothing worse than having your style mocked by a man whose pants are held up by a jumprope.
My other favorite morning companion is the one-legged pigeon who likes to hang around my office building. I don't know why, but the idea of a one-legged pigeon making a life for himself in this big, tough town warms my heart. I like to picture him as a vermin version of Mary Tyler Moore, wearing pantsuits, hanging with a rodent Rhoda, and throwing his little beret in the air. Because, "He's gonna make it after all!"
In the comments, tell me what you saw on your way to work.
28 comments:
Well, I passed two SHIMS walking to my building, they told me they liked my shirt "Girl, you so can work lavendar."
Thats about all.....
I saw nothing good at all, but as far as my homeless encounters, I'm a big fan of compliment guy. He used to hang out in Adams Morgan and give compliments to everyone. And of course, people always gave him a buck or two. I bet the dude is loaded.
Zip - I love the detailed compliments! The best you can get from a manly-man is, "Dude, check out that ass!"
Thoughts - I remember the compliment guy, too! I bet he has his own island by now, where he can drink fruity umbrella drinks and say horrible things to people.
Holy (Pigeon) Shit! Could it be that we have both seen the same one-legged pigeon roaming around DC? Or are there really that many one-legged pigeons in DC?
Okay, time to play "do you remember that homeless guy"! Do you remember that homeless guy who had an arrow on a stick that he would point at his cup full of change? I used to see him in Foggy Bottom and Dupont. I didn't give him any money and he called me a Republican.
I saw a bear. Oh god I so live in the country now.
Foxy - I wonder if one-legged pigeons are actually really common, but I hadn't noticed them until recently.
Thoughts - I don't remember that guy. By the way, is the Black Cat Guy still there? "Black Cat, Black Cat, Gimme Some Money!"
Tina - That is so country! Row faster, I can hear banjos...
You win the game. I haven't been to the Black Cat in forever. I'm old and boring these days.
I remember arrow guy--he had a lot of moxie!
If someone laughed at my outfit--even if his pants were held up by a jump rope--I would be very sad.
Except if the one legged pigeon threw it's hat in the air it'd fall on it's ass.
Thoughts - Me neither, which is why I'm wondering if he's still there.
Lem - I promise I will never laugh at your outfit. I can't promise I won't use a jumprope as a belt.
Ibid - I just tried to picture that, and got in a tremendous giggle fit.
Have you ever met Crackhead Dave?
Today I walked to work, which is about 2 miles from my apartment, so I saw all sorts of stuff. Notably, a group of tourists standing in the middle of the sidewalk blocking all foot traffic. Note to tourists: get the hell out of my way. It's called an "embassy" and DC has a million of them. Move along and check the others out.
Zip - No. Friend of yours?
HP - I always just shove them into traffic.
I had a very boring, workmanlike commute today. However, my coworker, a bit of an angry man, was frustrated by the metro door blocker at Farragut West and kicked his brief case to make him move.
Nice.
The coolest homeless guy you will ever meet - I used to buy him lots of coffee and food when I was on the street patrolling, he would snitch on people, loved it.
The very first thing I thought of was the one-legged pigeon throwing its hat in the air and falling over. Should I be concerned that Ibid apparently thinks the same way I do?
I love my main man Eli. Looks a bit like wossname from Grateful Dead.
Eli collects computers that people throw out and puts them in his cart. Then he takes them apart, tosses what's broken and puts them together to make working computers.
He gets jobs working at area non-profits doing their web development work. They give him some money, a place to plug the computers in to see if they work, and a place to store his stuff so it doesn't get stolen.
Last time I saw him he had 3 working computers and a fourth in progress.
Bh - Hey,that was MY briefcase!
Zip - I'll keep an eye out for him, then.
Gilahi - I thought you WERE Ibid!
Ibid - Eli is an e-cycling genius.
We should name the pigeon "Ilene." GET IT? I... lean?? OHHHHHHH
I've seen the guy with the arrow on a stick. He used to tell jokes to everyone headed from Foggy Bottom Metro to G-town for a night of drinking. His material was pretty good and I'd give him a couple of bucks if he made me laugh.
Livit - Unless he falls down, in which case, "Matt."
bh - OK, we are all going to go find this guy. Even if it means going to Georgetown.
Or we could throw him in a fountain and call him "Bob".
Let's not get overly excited and go do something rash.
There's a female version of the compliment-guy who works out of georgetown. She always comments on all the women's outfits. Yeah, my gf has given her money ;)
As for the jumprope - you may not know it, but that's a serious fashion statement. Didn't you hear about the homeless guy who wears roller skates and is now a fashion icon?
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB119498984049791758.html
Liv - THere's only one place to go from here: dead baby jokes.
BH - Oh, come on, it's always worth it to hear a good joke.
Doug - I bet by this time next year, all the cool kids will have jumprope belts.
Personally, I'll give $100 to the first homeless guy with a sign:
"I'm NOT a veteran. I haven't accepted Jesus. Just give me some money Jackass!"
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