Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Fine. You Got Me.

Thank you to everyone who has spanked me with various tags lately (I think, at last count, Zipcode, Thoughts, Gilahi, Lacochran…did I forget anyone?).

I generally don't respond to “stuff about me” tags, on the grounds that I’ve spent the last six years of DSJ incessantly prattling on about myself. And I’m really only so fascinating. Plus, tags kind of remind me of the pass-along survey from Sixteen Candles. ("Have you done it? Have you seen it? Have you touched it?")

However, considering y’all have sheer numbers in your favor, I may as well suck it up and give it a go.

1. I don’t watch television. Ever. Really. This isn’t a culture snob thing, I’m just too cheap for cable and don’t have bunny ears. I will occasionally Netflix a series on DVD, but that’s usually several years after airing. One thing I find astounding about human nature is how often people will ask if I watch a program, then, when I say I don’t watch any TV, they’ll keep talking about TV. Dear Humanity: I really and truly haven’t seen your favorite show. I’ve probably never even heard of it. Can we please talk about something, anything else?

2. I can’t operate lighters.

3. I am not a “phone person.” I answer the phone all day at work, and that’s plenty. I have friends I've known for over ten years who have never had more than a three-minute phone chat with me. I strongly prefer text messages and email.

4. I enjoy buying condoms. Moreover, I enjoy buying them in unusual configurations. One of my best was condoms, whipped cream, an issue of Cosmo, and a bag of Swedish fish. The candy is what makes it so dirty.

5. I keep Tarot cards in my bedside drawer, and I often find them to be insulting and less than helpful. Just the other day, the Five of Cups called me prissy and uptight. Jerk!

6. I have a really, really low tolerance for violent or gory movies. I turned off No Country for Old Men after fifteen minutes. I don't care how good it's supposed to be, I don't get any enjoyment from watching the bodies pile up. I thought Home Alone 2 was a bit over the top, too.

7. My uterus faces the wrong way. I found this out when my doctor took a look and said, “Hey! Cool! Check it out!”

I’m supposed to tag other people. But as the blogosphere is tag-heavy these days, I’ll just let this one die out with me.

32 comments:

I have thoughts said...

See, why can't I have your strength? I should've let the tag die with me, but like I've said, I'm superstitious. When I was an athlete in my youth, I would wear the same t-shirt under my basketball jersey without cleaning it for two months. My rationale was that if I washed it, we'd somehow lose. Two months, two games a week. It...Was...NASTY!

Doug said...

I'm not a phone person either. I used to be on the phone all day for work, and hell if I want to go home and do it more. I don't think my friends get this. If you want to talk to me, come meet me for lunch or drinks or something.

Condoms - I really want to be a CVS cashier for the 10pm-4am shift on a friday and saturday night, just to see what people buy. I think I could create a year of blog entries just from that experience alone

Shannon said...

Thoughts - And here I thought I was weird for not stepping on sidewalk cracks.

Doug - I can handle a "What time are we meeting up?" sort of call, but empty phone chitchat drives me up the wall.

Lemmonex said...

I adore a good gore fest...

I loathe the phone. I talk to my mom, my best friend Sunday mornings for weekend updates, and my friend who lives in Rochester who I have known since I was 9. He took my virginity--I can call him for that.

Justin said...

I loathe the phone, too. Asynchronous communication is the way to go.

And while I think I do occasionally ask about TV, I'm pretty sure I'm good at stopping when I remember. I hope. Please?

I'd like to say something clever about condoms, but really, anything I would say would just be sad. I mean, I could make it self-deprecating, but even then, it would mostly just be sad. I actually usually get them at Planned Parenthood. Does that sound bad? I mean, I'm not a baby daddy (not even once over), but I've heard people say that "free condoms" are like, the worst kind. I think it's just condom snobbery. Boy, I can't believe I just typed all that.

I don't know what tagging is, but I think you put great labels on your posts.

zipcode said...

I still get embarrassed buying condoms lol however i can walk into a sex toy story and buy stuff with no issue - what is wrong with me? don't answer that.

I hate the phone - hence why I have a text messaging phoned

Shannon said...

Lem - Virginity is available over the phone? How come no one ever told me that?

Justin - Free condoms? Fabulous, but then you don't get the fun of trying to surprise the CVS cashier.

Zip - Got an hour? Kidding. I think condoms are more embarrassing because they're in a regular drugstore, and you might run into a coworker or something.

bh said...

I didn't have cable for 5 years. All I had were Rabbit Ears. I'd watch Lost and an occasional Skins game, but that was about it. It was glorious telling people I didn't have cable: "Really, how are you not bat shit insane by now? I mean, you've never seen the Sopranos."

Which I just started watching on DVD.

Buying Condoms is the best, there is always that moment of "That's right, somebody is consenting to have sex with me."

I have thoughts said...

Yeah. Condom-buying is always awkward and I try, to no avail, to lessen the pain by mixing in other things. A Gatorade, a Wash Post, some gum, etc. Enough stuff that I can cover the box of condoms so other customers can't see them.

zipcode said...

yeah I always cover the condom box when I am shopping - I like turn red - its like I am in high school or something doing something wrong.

Shannon said...

BH - I have never seen a single minute of the Sopranos.

Thoughts - Personally, I balance them on my head and dance a little jig.

Zip - You're a bad, bad girl! Seriously, you're in your 30s. It's not like you need anyone's permission!

Ibid said...

I only use the TV to play video games these days. As a test to see how far the technology has come I've been trying to watch the fall lineup entirely online. So far so good since I've actually started seeing someone and would miss all my shows otherwise.

But if I watched sports I'd be screwed.

Gilahi said...

I used to carpool with a guy who would ask if I'd seen such-and-such a show last night. If I made the mistake of telling him that I don't watch that show, he would proceed to tell me the entire background of the season so that he could get to the moment he wanted to tell me about.

He did the same thing to tell me about a certain hand of bridge that he'd played after I told him that I knew nothing about bridge.

[F]oxymoron said...

I despise yapping on the phone, especially when a certain person who will never read this comment is only 40 ft from my desk.

If 90% of communication is nonverbal, why waste time on the phone anyway?

As for the condom thing... I think you should put together a quality "condom pairing guide".

Shannon said...

Ibid - I don't even have "shows." Is that sad?

Gilahi - I would have jumped out of the car. It hurts less if you roll.

Foxy - Like wine pairings, only with Trojans! Genius.

Ibid said...

It's only sad if you're not getting your reading done either.

zipcode said...

shannon - that was kind of hot you telling me I am bad - however I like men hehe as do you.......
sigh its a silly day

[F]oxymoron said...

I'm gonna run with this idea... and in a few weeks I'll also be able to do an international version.

Buying condoms in a foreign country can be quite an experience

suicide_blond said...

i like to buy condoms and tampons at the same time... thats usually good for a chance to use my withering "what are you looking at bitch" expression...
xoxo

Shannon said...

Ibid - I'm not. I come home from work and commence wrecking Vice City. Is that so wrong?

Zip - Silly, joyful, almost...gay?

Foxy - I've never bought condoms internationally, and I'm irritated with myself for that.

Blond - Good one. Next time, though, throw in an enema.

Jamie said...

Jesus mother of mercy, am I the only one who still uses their telephone for voice communication?

I mean, text messaging and email are convenient for some things but it's no substitute for a conversation. A seventeen-part text message marathon takes forever and results in massive miscommunications... and if you're going between networks, there are sometimes huge time lags.

Texting: good for talking at loud bars and concerts, or imparting simple information (e.g.: "meet me at the bar at 8", or "i am blacked out drunk, can't make it")

Phone call: good for everything else.

zipcode said...

oh jamie - text booty calling is a blast though

zipcode said...

oh jamie - text booty calling is a blast though

zipcode said...

oh jamie - text booty calling is a blast though

Jamie said...

Usually that happens from a loud bar, though. It qualifies.

Shannon said...

Jamie - I don't mind a quick call, but too many phone conversations devolve into mindless blather. Plus, I hate interruptions. So I'd rather settle things over email or text.

Zip - "Do u wan 2 hookup w me :)" at 3 am doesn't exactly set my girl-parts a-quivering. (Was that TMI?)

I have thoughts said...

Maybe it's because your girl parts are upside down or something?

Shannon said...

Thoughts - Well, I was born in Australia...

I have thoughts said...

Is it true about the toilet water?

zipcode said...

mine are a bit more naughty then that............haha I can text with one hand now and drive - scary yes

Shannon said...

Thoughts - I never thought to look.

Zip - And the TMI Award goes to...

lacochran said...

Thanks for playing. Great stuff (as always!)