Monday, October 20, 2008

Go Away. Unless You Have Some Hot Cocoa For Me

Really, I should have a ton to talk about. I received homework assignments from two awesome fellow bloggers, I survived my second annual hiking trip with Foggy, I nearly gave a Target cashier a heart attack last night, and my dad arrives in D.C. around 8:00.

The problem is that I am cold. I can’t think proper unless I am warm. During my Sarajevo year, I became too stupid to operate telephones, buy milk, or even realize that I shouldn't have been there in the first place.
See, the heat hasn’t been turned on in either my apartment or my office. I spent much of my weekend in flannel pajamas, under a pile of blankets, chugging coffee. My work space heater shorted out and temporarily took my computer with it. I am wearing a winter coat and am still cold. I am seriously considering breaking my ears off and setting fire to them. I have lost my will to live, and, even worse, I've lost my will to mock.

I got nothin’. So, in the comments, ask me anything. Want my advice? Want to know something about me? Trivia quiz, anyone? I’ll answer, if only because the typing keeps my fingers from clamping together.

34 comments:

Tina said...

I'm headed to Siberia on a few weeks - any good cold weather survival tips from your time in Sarajevo?

Shannon said...

Tina - LAYERS! But keep them thin so you don't look like the Michelin Man. Long underwear (or tights), two pairs of socks, tank top, shirt, sweater, ski vest, coat. And a hat! If you're going to a wet climate, don't take a wool coat, it'll just soak up all the moisture and make you colder.

Also, order some Yaktrax (www.yaktrax.com). They fit over your shoes, they work like snow chains for feet, and they'll keep you from busting ass on the ice.

And may I ask how you so offended the Kremlin that you got sent to Siberia?

Lemmonex said...

I love the tags on this post.

What is your favorite food? (I know, not original, but I feel you can tell a lot about people if you know their favorite food.)

Shannon said...

Lem - Beer. Does it count as food if it's Guinness?

Suprih and Isti said...

Cold air makes the body to be cold. Even more delicious chocolate or drinking coffee. a very memorable day in winter

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Jack said...

Scenario: Dude walks into the bathroom and takes a piss in the urinal. He flushes with one hand.

Question: Is it wrong if he only washes the one hand he flushed with? Does he have to wash both hands?

Discuss.

Shannon said...

Jack - Good one. I would say he should wash both hands, because it's flu season and he ought to be washing his hands regularly anyhow.

Jack said...

Nice. But I just thought of something: he should wash both hands regardless because in all likelihood he handled his junk at the urinal.

http://adventuresinvoluntarysimplicity.blogspot.com/

Gilahi said...

Anything that's as chewy as Guiness should count as food.

Shannon said...

Jack - Junk handling requires a good scrubbing afterwards, no?

Gilahi - I agree, that's how I get away with beer for breakfast.

Doug said...

Why are you breaking off your ears to burn... wouldn't cutting some hair, and possibly toes work better? Or even your neighbors cube? I'm thinking of bonfire....

Ibid said...

Guinness: The beer so thick you can eat it with a fork. Yes, it's food.

I have yet to turn on my furnace. I'm in denial. I'm waiting for a shipment of multiceramic paint (20R insulation per coat) so I can paint the crawlspace ceiling since the living room floor is where I lose most of my heat. But it's looking like this will be the second year where the shipment doesn't arrive until after it's too cold to apply it.

Second thing I did when I started this job was wait until the building was clear and then start throwing switches in the circuit breaker so I could map out what switches applied to what outlets. This allowed me to balance the load enough so that we could use space heaters without throwing switches.

Jack said...

Absolutely. Well, at least, that's the way it should be. I've been to plenty of bar bathrooms where some of my fellow junk owners seem less concerned with hygiene...

http://adventuresinvoluntarysimplicity.blogspot.com/

Shannon said...

Doug - My ears are so frozen they'd snap right off.

Ibid - Mmmm, beer.

Jack - Bar bathrooms are the epicenter of clean living! Really.

charlotteharris said...

Advice!? I can ask for more advice? OK, so is it weird for someone to be randomly walking through the mall, see a family with some really cute kids, and then pet the top of one of the kids' head as he walks by? This happened the other day when the dude I was walking with petted some random kid's head and I wanted to say "um, do you always pet strange kids' heads without their parents' permission?" So tell me, is this normal?

[F]oxymoron said...

Today is "International Leave A Totally Unrelated Comment Day" ... so as not to upset this 15 minute-old tradition, I'll simply say the following - narf! zort! Yeti Love!

Doug said...

so why'd you nearly give the target cashier a heart attack?

Shannon said...

CH - Did he ask for pictures of your feet? I think people are tempted to touch kids, because they're so cute, but actually doing it is a little odd. Maybe not a dealbreaker, but be on the lookout for boundary issues.

Fixy - Ni!

Doug - Without meaning to, I bought sexy red sheets, pointy black boots, and some dryer sheets. The cashier probably thought I was a dominatrix who makes men do my laundry.

bh said...

Have you reached the age yet where you call in sick because of a hangover? Is it considered ever appropriate to call in sick because of a hangover?

Assuming you make up some bullshit reason like a cold or bubonic plague.

Hammer said...

GET IN MAH TRUK IZ WARM THERE!!!

p.s. (sorry no has coco in truk. only beer.)

Shannon said...

Bh - I don't get a lot of time off, so I bully through it.

Hammer - As long as there are a few hound dogs in there to keep me warm, I'm in.

zipcode said...

man if some random stranger touched my kids head, a ghetto beatdown would be in full effect.

zipcode said...

man if some random stranger touched my kids head, a ghetto beatdown would be in full effect.

zipcode said...

man if some random stranger touched my kids head, a ghetto beatdown would be in full effect.

zipcode said...

man if some random stranger touched my kids head, a ghetto beatdown would be in full effect.

Hammer said...

sorry - no dogz in truk anymor cuz they alwayz drink mah beerz

Shannon said...

Zip - No Taser?

Hammer - The only thing funnier than a drunk dog is a stoned cat.

zipcode said...

ghetto beatdown - no taser - sorry that posted a zillion times.

Doug said...

The Laundry Dominatrix... I love it. Hmmm I can see it now... "Didn't your mother ever teach you how to fold a shirt without wrinkling it you slimey piece of goose poop? 10 lashes!" I bet a target cashier would have a great blog in terms of the weird combinations of things they see people buy....

Tina said...

Shannon-

I volunteered to start a sleeper cell for the next cold war. I will be evaluating recruits this trip and bringinthem back some time in late Jan Early Feb.

Shannon said...

Zip - Is there any such thing as a ghetto taser?

Doug - Still not as good as the time I inadvertently bought condoms, whipped cream, and an issue of Cosmo, but still pretty good.

Tina - Ah. Thanks for getting me on a terrorist watch list, there. Awesome.

Tina said...

you're Velcome

In my best boris and Natasha Get moos and Squirrel accent.

zip said...

well you could use a taser in a ghetto beat down - but do you actually know what a ghetto beat down is?

bh said...

I dunno, your experience sounds pleasant. I was at the Bowie Target on Sunday buying comforters for the kids bed. My conversation went something like this:

Can we have a light saber?
no.
Pokemon?
no.
Darth Vader?
no.
Skittles?
no.
Gatorade?
no.

So on and So forth.