Monday, May 15, 2006

How to Snag the Insecure Man of Your Dreams

Click on the article above and prepare to be very, very depressed. I came across this while on Hotmail today and got annoyed enough for another one of my ranting blog posts.

I just can't believe in the year 2006 successful women are still being told to dumb down their accomplishments so as to not scare off the menfolk. Granted, this doesn't really apply to me, as it's a rare man who is intimidated by office temps. (If you can locate one, I'll go out with him purely on humanitarian grounds.) However, I find it absolutely galling that women out there might actually follow this advice.

Some choice quotes:

Apparently just because you have a lot of degrees on your wall doesn’t mean you have a lot of suitors at your door.

Girls, if you're going to go to college at all, maybe you should just major in Home Ec and find a nice young man to marry you. After all, isn't that why women wanted to go to college in the first place? To shop for husbands?

And a woman having an impressive job always yields the same reaction from a man: Confusion, awkwardness, that moment when he’s wondering, “Is my job as an assistant manager of a copy shop going to sound pitiful?”

Seriously, is this true? Do all men always feel insecure when talking to successful women? I know some guys read this and post comments, so I really want to know if that's what men really think. For the sake of humanity, I hope not.

So are successful women doomed to a life of tense cheese-tray introductions? Of course not. These women can either be patient till an equally high-powered man or a naturally confident fella turns up. Or they can know how best to present their career so as not to scare off less-assured guys.

See, I would pick option #1, of being patient until I meet someone self-assured, interesting, and supportive. However, I suppose the wiser option is to learn how to play dumb, because Lord knows nothing is worse than not having a "fella". The use of the word "fella" strongly implies that this article was imported directly from 1956.

Bring your career down to reality, suggests John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Open up and show a vulnerable side right from the beginning, “When a woman immediately senses that a man is intimidated, she should find a way of communicating that she has a need for some advice,” Dr. Gray explains: “For example, if she’s a doctor, she could talk to him about something frustrating that happened at the hospital that day.” Dr. Gray points out that men want to feel needed, so this tactic is a good way to bring him inside your circle.

Oh, my God. I didn't think I could despise Mars/Venus Guy any more than I already do, but now he comes out with this pile of steaming stupidity. Girls, you gotta display your needy, whiny side, so the Big Man can make you feel all better.

Seriously, did MSN borrow this article from 1956? It's 2006, and I can't believe I'm still having to explain that, yes, women can have careers, and no, they shouldn't play dumb to score their very own copy shop clerk.

I fear for humanity.

PS - Did anyone else notice the other Hotmail articles today? Women: Slim Down for Summer, and then something about billionaire bachelors. I'm very depressed.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Summer of Self-Sufficiency

I found an apartment! It's an urban shoebox, weighing in at an Oompa-Loompaish 481 square feet. I have a balcony overlooking the freeway, meaning I can unleash my inner redneck by drinking beer and watching cars go by. I may even pretend it's NASCAR and yell "Woo HOOOO!" at them. I move in next weekend and I am WAY more excited than I should be. Hooray! An urban holding cell next to the freeway! But it's cheap, it has a balcony, and it's all mine.

As I wrote out a check for the deposit on Friday, I realized that was the first time I'd written a check since 2003. Then I realized I'd completely forgotten where my signature was supposed to go. And, why again was I writing the dollar amount in longhand?

My general lack of adult competency has been troubling me. Between being married and the viselike grip of Mama State, I've been spoon-fed the last three years of my life. I'm finding basic tasks terribly complicated. How did I get so weak so fast? I'd always been so independent. Not to mention strong-willed, stubborn, and completely unable to accept help. It's like I received a complete personality transplant.

So, I hereby declare this the Summer of Self-Sufficiency, where I will accomplish everything I haven't done since 2003. Better yet, I'm adding things to the list I've never tried before, so I'll be even more awesome than ever. So, here are my 20 Steps to Adulthood:

1. Purchase and install lightbulbs.
2. Select, purchase, and hook up one electronic item.
3. Obtain full-time, professional job.
4. Have my own credit card.
5. Go on a date.
6. Operate power tools.
7. Learn how to drive a stick shift.
8. Book a flight.
9. Balance a checkbook. (Note: First, I need to get a checkbook.)
10. Save for retirement. In fact, learn how to save money in general.
11. Put in a maintenance request.
12. Choose the wine at a restaurant, rather than looking around blankly hoping someone else at the table does it for me.
13. Squash a spider, bug, or other creepy crawly, as opposed to subcontracting said squashing to the nearest available male.
14. Win an argument.
15. Obtain health insurance.
16. Set up online banking, and pay student loan bill online.
17. Give decent driving directions, rather than directing friends and associates to
18. Legally change name back to original name, meaning that I will no longer sign receipts in an immature, passive aggressive fashion (squashing my married name down to a squiggly blip).
19. Obtain DC driver's license in original name.
20. When the papers come through, throw a rockin' divorce party. Hey, if you get a party when you get married, you should get one when you get divorced.

In other news, Victoria is famous. I remember when she was in second grade, and now she's stripping down to her underwear at the CUA quad. How time flies!