A contributing editor suggested that we bloggers make our posts more meaningful, and stop writing until we have something to say.
It was very difficult to not take that statement personally. We all know by now that I do not possess a window to the absolute. I'm not usually even in the same room as the window to the absolute. I write about falling down, newspaper theft, dating, my own stupidity, and other happy things. Then you lovely people make fun of me, and I lap up the attention like the cuddly indiscriminate narcissist I truly am. Instant validation!
But, thankfully, science has come to the rescue. My utter lack of depth, mindless chatter, and silly opinions are a weight-maintenance program! Thinking too hard fattens me up. Idiocy keeps me in my skinny jeans. My sluggish mind is cheaper than Jenny Craig, more efficient than jogging, and far more palatable than a package of rice cakes.
This is why I love science. Science has a convenient explanation for everything.
PS - I bet Luke Wilson never has to put on his fat pants! Plus, he's dreamy. Mmmm, Luke Wilson.