Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Chicking Up the Hooters

Saturday evening, HP and I did a terrible thing: we chicked up the Hooters. We joined FoggyDew at this pre-verbal penile paradise for an early dinner. Why Hooters? Because a former Marine and two feminists hanging out there would make for a fantastic sitcom. Also, the Carolina-Notre Dame game was on. And, most importantly, why the hell not?


In the hour we were there, HP and I managed to critique the uniform for being less than figure-flattering, get in a long discussion about favorite shades of lip gloss, and debate whether the lack of utensils meant we were supposed to use our um, chestardly bits as “really sensitive chopsticks.” (That awesome mental image you just had? You’re welcome!)

After about ten minutes, Foggy pretended he had accidentally sat down at the wrong table, and had never met these two women before in his life. Or maybe he was just watching the game.

My sojourn at the Hooters did make me contemplate some serious questions:

The Chinatown Hooters opens at 10:00 am. Who can take the sight of Day-Glo orange short-shorts before noon? And do they have a breakfast menu, or do people really eat hot wings with coffee?

Is there any footwear less flattering than bright white sneakers with poofy 80’s style white socks?

Is wearing a low-cut top to Hooters like taking coals to Newcastle? Or is it just one more lovely addition to the scenery?

Why is it so much fun to say the name, "Hooters"? Hooters hooters hooters!

And, lastly, is going to Hooters for the wings anything like reading Playboy for the articles?

Our waitress Cha-Cha rocked, and my cheese sticks were very delicious. So, squicky objectification issues aside, hooray for Hooters! Who's going with me for breakfast this weekend?

47 comments:

FoggyDew said...

Perhaps Hooters can be the meeting point on Saturday. It is Metro accessible...

Shannon said...

Foggy - I can see all of us in our hiking gear, bellying up for wings and coffee.

Tina said...

I would have no objections to Hooters if only we had an equally objectifying place to go for beefcake ogling. Maybe a place named Dick's where the male servers wear skin tight under armor shirts and bicycle shorts?

Ibid said...

The Hooters experience is wide and varied.
There was one in Kansas City that had these awesome hamburgers. It was one of the early one that still had a great deal of the misogynistic qualities that were part of the early days.
But I went to one in Chicago where the burgers were absolute crap, guys had brought their dates and their kids. They had some sports stuff up but the cruder signs were missing.
But that's what the newer places have become. Chili's with hot pants.

To be completely fair, I did take a girlfriend to Hooters in KC. She was bi-sexual. She liked guys but she periodically needed a boobie fix and I wasn't ready to take her to a strip club.

Shannon said...

Tina - Dude, we are totally opening that one up!

Ibid - So, Hooters is like a strip club with training wheels? Interesting.

Lemmonex said...

Orange day glo makes me sad, especially splashed across my ass.

I have never been to one...I like my own wings better.

Shannon said...

Lem - The funny part is that the wings match teh shorts - to minimize staining, perhaps?

And it's ok for you to prefer your own wings if I can prefer my own boobs.

Ibid said...

After visiting the one in Chicago a couple of us were considering opening our own chain that got back to the early roots of what Hooters was all about. We were gonna call it "Implants" and make it an embarrassment to all men who can keep their knuckles off the ground.

We would have made a fortune.

[F]oxymoron said...

What A Hoot!

... I'll never forgot Lanai of Hawaii, the Hooter girl who puts the hoot in hooters...

(willing to beat two spicy chicken wings the bold faced statement winds up in the Express tomorrow or Thursday)

Shannon said...

Ibid - It might be difficult to recruit staff...the ladies with the proper equipment might be making better bank at the Foxy Lady.

Speaking of Foxy...it is ON. But the Express will eff it up somehow, maybe by saying I'd applied to be a Hooters girl.

[F]oxymoron said...

If they do that, I'll throw in two more spicy wings AND a beer for the editor...

HEY EDITOR PERSON, YA HEAR THAT... forget journalistic integrity... FREE BEER...

bh said...

Eh. Hooters always felt like an extended make out session that never went anywhere. I'd rather go to a sports bar or strip club. It feels like playing the middle of the court in tennis. Go to the net or stay on the baseline.

Doug said...

I really don't like hooters all that much. I dunno, maybe I just different, but I don't find their food entirely that good, and as a sports bar, it kind of sucks. Why? Firstly, if I'm going to sit around and watch a game for a couple of hours, those bar stools suck ass. Secondly - the outfits definitely need to be re-visited. 15 or so years ago when hooters came out, they were shocking. Now? I see women with less clothing on when I walk around Adams Morgan on any evening. The name, though, well, that's definite brilliance.

As for your guy friend, he was definitely the man of the hour in there. Anytime you see a guy walk into a hooters or a strip club, and he has women with him? Yep - he immediately gets serious guy-cred points.

surviving myself said...

I can't stand hooters, because look, those shorts just don't do anything for the booty, and if there isn't good booty there - there is no reason to go.

I think I just figured out that I live my life by if there are attractive asses walking around or not. I may need therapy.

Shannon said...

Foxy - My theory is that free beer is how our quotes get so garbled in the first place.

BH - Plus, the average male has trouble multitasking. "Football! Boobs! How do I choose?"

Doug - Yeah, HP and I are both short, and climbing up and down those uncomfortable barstools was really annoying.

And, Foggy - did you feel super-manly for going in with two chicks?

Surviving Myself - Yeah, orange bike shorts don't do any butts any favors, do they?

zipcode said...

what is with the hooters bashing today - your post was a little more nicer then someone elses.

I used to work there :-P

the uniform has gotten shorter since I did this job in 94 the shorts are shorter and the shirts are pulled down more, I didn't have to wear a tank top -

Gilahi said...

The only problem I ever had with Hooters was that the owner was so disingenuous about the name. "Hooters? Noooooo... it's just named that because of the owl logo." Yaright. If you're going to open an ogling bar, call it what it is.

Shannon said...

Zip - Ha! And I haven't seen any hooter-basher posts. Where are they?

Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead in the uniform - unflattering, tacky, and I think a little mystery is sexy.

Gilahi - So they should call themselves Oglers? Or how about Objectifiers?

Zipcode said...

yes that pantyhose were insane, I didn't last long there, I did it to piss off an ex boyfriend and get some fast cash when I was young - 21 haha the camoflage outfit they had in 2001 was really cute though. yes the socks and tennis shoes were horrid - socks and hose don't go.

just scroll through the updated blogs, she said hooters girl weren't smart - I had to leave a snarky comment.

Gilahi said...

I don't care if they call it Hooters, Gazongas, Headlights, or Thanks for the Mammaries, just admit to the reason they call it what they do and don't try to make it sound all innocent.

Marissa said...

Last Thanksgiving I dined at Hooters. In Atlantic City. Because I'm classy.

I ordered a grilled cheese, which was frickin' delicious. The Sangria at Hooters is as good as it sounds; that is, retardedly gnarly. But seriously, I think that grilled cheese was like $3. Tight.

Zipcode said...

Their grilled cheese rocks and you can order it with tomato as well.

Yep - the sangria was fab - I used to give my friend free pitchers

Shannon said...

Zip - You had to wear PANTYHOSE with the tube socks and white sneakers? That sounds like a white trash beauty pageant to me.

Gilahi - Thanks for the Mammaries? We have a winner!

Marissa - You ordered sangria at a Hooters? What's next, sangria at McDonald's?

Shannon said...

Zip - I love a good cheese and tomato sandwich!

I have thoughts said...

My name is thoughts and I love Hooters.

The love affair started when I was 17. My friends and I took a drive into the city and were hungry for some breaded wings with a side of boobs. Where else were we to go but Hooters.

The lovely server asked me what I wanted to drink and since I had facial hair I had the stones to say confidently, "...a beer?" Oh wait, it wasn't confident at all. Mostly because my voice cracked and I was sort of begging rather than ordering. Obviously I didn't get my beer, but I still love that place for all its cheesy goodness.

FoggyDew said...

Shan - I believe I went there with two short feminists who, in fact, drove the servers away with "laser" beams from their eyes.

I went for the wings and the game. There are women I work with who wear outfits that leave less to the imagination than a Hooters' uni.

You're kidding, right? You didn't notice the hose? So much for observational humor.

They serve wine-type drinks? Really? Hmmm. Never knew that.

zipcode said...

shan - oh yes I love grilled cheese and mater.

thoughts - I puffy heart love you!

foggy: yes the sangria kicks ass, when I worked there I tried not to get smashed on it on a nightly basis. Its the best sangria ever!

shannon - yes it white trash tastic and I worked at one in Kentucky muahaha -- yes the hose are shiney ha.

Shannon said...

Thoughts - The waitress didn't find you adorable enough to let you have beer? Sad.

Foggy - Actually, the laser beams were because we were hungry and grumpy and needed cutlery, but the server kept ignoring us. And I bet my mind completely shut down upon seeing the hose.

I have thoughts said...

Nope. In that way, I think the facial hair was both a blessing and a curse.

And it didn't get this far, but I was ready to show her my college ID that I got by taking an AP class. Sure it didn't have my age on it, but I know it would've worked!

LivitLuvit said...

I may or may not have missed my delayed flight home for Christmas out of Raleigh-Durham because of Hooters. MAY.

Shannon said...

Thoughts - what, you couldn't just put your thumb over your birthdate?

Liv - What, you couldn't get out of your uniform? (Kidding)

Arjewtino said...

You took Foggy Dew to a Hooters and talked about lip gloss?

THAT might just be the new "I went for the buffalo wings".

Shannon said...

Arjew - In Foggy's defense, he was ignoring us in favor of the Carolina game. Hey Pretty borrowed my lip gloss (that particular shade wouldn't suit Foggy one bit!).

zipcode said...

I really want Hooters for dinner now, 3 mile Island wings yummmmmm and sangria

zandria said...

I was about to say that I read a similar post (about Hooters) on Zipcode's blog today, but I see that she beat me to it. :)

Shannon said...

Zip, Zan...now I want wings, too. This is just so wrong.

zipcode said...

I say we do a ghey blogger happy hour at hooters on thursday -- just kidding - I would get freaked out

Lemmonex said...

Ghey happy hour? What the heck is that?

FoggyDew said...

And Shannon makes it into the express. Again. Hooray Shannon! All Hail the Disaffected Scanner Jockey.

Ellie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ellie said...

I'm with Tina. Let's get "Dick's" off the ground. I think with the addition of "mantyhose" (http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,26278,24470874-5007192,00.html)
to the biker shorts (though I am more of a fan of those old school baseball shorts) we would take it all to another level.
And for the record, I have already emailed the guy in the purple manhose and rolled jean shorts--hands off ladies!

Shannon said...

Zip, Lem - Pardon me, do you have any Ghey Poupon?

Foggy - And, all hail being quoted correctly and not snarked on for once! I was expecting an editorial comment like, "Enjoying Hooters wings while doing a line of coke off the back of a toilet." Because nothing says Scanner Jockey like toilet coke.

Ellie - He had me at, "rolled jean shorts." Hands off, he's mine!

Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
[F]oxymoron said...

Ok, so the Express editor clearly likes alcohol... just not beer

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Anonymous said...

I am a lady who enjoys a good meal at hooters every now and then...The uniform just kinda adds to the relaxed atmosphere of a restaurant that you can sit down with your buddies and drink and have a good time