Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Just Say...Maybe?

One of my favorite hobbies is the arbitrary disqualification of my fellow man.

A date with the vegan teetotaler? Yeah, I can probably skip that one. What would we even talk about? How much fun he isn’t having in his life? How much I dig his hemp shoes, tofu pies and moral superiority?

Or, speaking of superiority, I think I can skip the guy whose online profile specifies, “Absolutely NOBODY - overweight, has kids, divorced/separated. “ Well, clearly, buddy, you’re looking for the cutest little tabula rasa in Washington.
Meet at Starbucks? Sure...I take my coffee with cream, sugar, and a little less of your sanctimony.

Then there’s all the people who specify, “Absolutely no drama." Because life totally works like that. If you can’t deal with relationship problems, don’t be in a relationship. Get a dog or a new grill or something.

The point, and there is one: why do so many people focus so hard on what they don’t want, what they don't like, and what they simply can't approve of? I get sick from both aspartame and mushrooms. But when picking a restaurant, I don’t keep a list of places that ban Sweet n’ Low and Portobello. I go where I want and make do with what’s offered.

It’s not just dating. There’s a whole life out there that so many people haven’t bothered to experience.

And I'm the worst of all: I never go to Virginia. I figure I grew up in Virginia, and that's plenty for one lifetime. I don't fly, because crowds freak me out. I don't camp, because I like to sleep in my own bed. Even when one of my friends busts the slats and I spend the next week sleeping at a forty-five degree angle. It's my bed, and I like it. I don't take the bus, instead, I walk miles out of my way. I live too much in my comfort zone.

So, I'm taking suggestions. What should I try out, start saying "yes" to, and open myself up for? I'm game for anything...except that date with a vegan teetotaler.


Justin said...

As usual, I'm here to dodge the question you actually asked, and comment on another aspect of the post.

Why do I keep ending up going out with vegans? It's ridiculous this little streak I have. The current one is only morally a vegetarian, but is lactose intolerant and has a mental thing against eggs (apparently her own ovulation prevents her from eating any egg-related items).

But usually that's not what stops me from being more interested in them :)

I was once a teetotaler, so I have some sympathy there..

It used to be I got frustrated when a woman turned me down for being too young or too short (women are very up front about their reasons for this), but I did my best to stop worry about such things awhile ago..

Meeting time

Ibid said...


Laughter. Great. Feed my inferiority complex. :P

I don't know you well enough to know what you won't do or haven't done. I've got my own list of things I won't do.
I won't sleep with someone in a relationship. Not that this has been a problem for me.
I won't shop at Walmart or They're evil.
I won't get pizza from Dominoes. The owner gives money to "Operation Rescue".
I won't date someone that I know from the beginning it won't work out with.

Shannon said...

Justin, didn't Wallis Simpson say you could never be too young or too short? Oh, wait, that was "too rich or too thin."

And I won't make fun of your vegan streak if you don't make fun of my guitarist streak. Or that weird phase I went through in my mid-20s where the guys I went out with got progressively shorter and better-educated.

Anonymous said...

I'm quick to say no to Virginia, too. It's just SO FAR AWAY (she whines).

Maybe, instead of going out in DC one night, we should all cross the bridge and see how the suburbanites like to party.

Shannon said...

Ibid - I'm extremely cautious in terms of my moral code, but almost never turn down a dare. So if you've got a dare for me, bring it on.

Frecks - Sure, let's go to a honky-tonk! Are there any nearby?

[F]oxymoron said...

How bout training for a marathon, joining a running group, and dating a few runners... they tend to be attractive and eat meat?

Shannon said...

Foxy - this idea has definite potential. I haven't gone running since 10th grade gym class, so I'd really be branching out. Who wants to take me for my first run in 16 years? Should be worth a laugh, at least.

Jo said...

People say what they don't want because they don't know what they actually want. And in online dating it's much easier to pick and choose.

FoggyDew said...

Hmmmm, Shannon running...we could probably sell tickets.

And I think someone had two very nice dinners in Virginy this past weekend.

Shannon said...

Jo - I agree. I think online dating has definite merits - for example, you tend to meet people you'd never otherwise come across. But when the next date is just a click away, I think it's too easy to arbitrarily disqualify people or not give someone a fair shot.

Foggy - TOTALLY. So that means we're going running?

And all this from the man who has to offer door-to-door service to get me out to Virginia. (Seriously - to get me to Foggy's house, he has to come get me. I'm awful.)

Lemmonex said...

Hm, maybe try RED patent leather shoes?

I think I am fairly open minded, but some things I just don't bend on. For instance, I don't know if I could ever date a man with a cat again. Also, I cannot ever even imagine dating a vegan teetotaler, so please don't change that.

Shannon said...

Lem - I already own red patent leather shoes!

I tend to be very suspicious of men with cats, so maybe I should date one as an experiment. A man with a cat, not a cat. I'm not THAT pathetic.

[F]oxymoron said...

There is a cupcake with your name on when when you do run (at Hello Cupcake... assuming they don't run out of cupcakes)

The questions is, how many miles?

FoggyDew said...

Foxy - miles? perhaps we should be a bit more conservative and begin the measurement in yards.

Shannon said...

Foxy - Hmmmm, cupcake. Really, though, I'd be just as happy to run for a donut.

Foggy - Thanks. Why don't we go metric? Not kilometers, silly...CENTIMETERS.

Zipcode said...

Shannon - I can recommend some very good places in Virginia that have quality hot men: Sine aka Pentagon South, O'Connells, Murphys to start --

No man seems to listen when I tell them I am allergic to all things seafood and fish related - grrr. Again I lost my mojo so I am on blah these days.

Shannon said...

Zip - you're forgetting that you and I have dramatically different tastes. I don't dig the buzzcut meat-man thing.

You'd be amazed at the number of men who have tried to change my mind about mushrooms.

Zipcode said...

lol meat man haha - what is your type?

yeah well - I am not spending a night in the ER lol no matter how much someone waves shrimp in my face - ordering for me also annoys the living hell out of me. I think this is why I like the buzzcut meat-man thing.

Shannon said...

Zip - My type? O Positive. Oh, wait, that's my blood type.

Would anyone who knows the offline me care to weigh in on what my type is?

[F]oxymoron said...

Comic Sans?

Courier New?

Times New Roman (oh wait, no mil-types)


Arial Black?

... yep, clearly I have no clue

lacochran said...

Why are you annoyed that these people are outting themselves as asshats? It saves you the trouble of finding out in person.

zipcode said...

yikes sorry I asked

Shannon said...

Foxy - I'm a webding, for sure.

LaCochran - you know, it's sort of sad so many people in the world lack the self-awareness to not come across as dinks in the first three seconds.

Zip - Never be sorry, just be forewarned.

LivitLuvit said...

Karaoke? Recessions? I smell some funsies.

Foilwoman said...

If you're not liking it, take a break. There's no law that says we have to date or mate. Just make sure all the batteries in all your appliances are working, that's all.

Shannon said...

Livit - First round of beers the size of my head? On me.

Foilwoman - I think you may be misconstruing the meaning of my post. It's not really about dating, it's about a tendency people have to make snap judgments and dismiss what they haven't even tried.

J said...

This is a tough question for me since I like to try all flavors. I'm not a slut I just suck at making decisions. wait maybe i am...

zandria said...

I really like that you're asking for suggestions -- I like to try out something completely new once in a while, just to keep things interesting. :)

By the way...Virginia rocks!!!

Michael said...

I get sick from both aspartame and mushrooms.

No wonder you're single! :)

Shannon said...

J - Hey, we don't use the term "slut" around here. We prefer "Genitally Indiscriminate."

Zandria - I know, I'll give Virginia a chance someday. I am going out for Ethiopian food tonight, even though I tried it before and didn't quite get it. Let's see if my palate has changed at all.

Michael - I filed for divorce after my ex force-fed me mushrooms doused in Sweet n' Low. (Kidding!)

Michael said...


As long as we're opining...

Me? Food likes are not an issue. But no smokers, ever. Disgusting smell.

Anonymous said...

I would have also ruled out the teetotaler vegan without meeting him - that's extremely imcompatible with me and I don't need to meet to know it. But in general, I don't like this lists of rules in the profiles or ruling people out for superficial reasons. I used to have a rule about not eating at chain restaurants, then I fell in love with someone who loves Macaroni Grill and suddenly the company I was with was more important than where we ate. I try to keep that in mind, for example, when ruling out a date.

Shannon said...

Michael - I wouldn't 100% rule out a smoker, but I would rule one out if he smoked indoors.

CH - I think it's a matter of dealbreakers vs. nitpicking. I have a few dealbreakers - drug use, condescending attitude, etc. But I generally give people the benefit of the doubt. I'd rather waste my time on a bad date than sit at home making arbitrary judgments about people. (Arbitrary judgment is what I have a blog for!)

maryjanejeff said...

New things - someone already used my running suggestion, heck it's how I see half of DC it seems like. If there was actually snow in the "mountains" I'd recommend skiing or snowboarding, although that's expensive. Blue Knob in PA is actually pretty good.

And, since this is a cool blog, I will recommend parts of VA to you. I wouldn't do this for the LNS crowd. Murphy's is great especially on fall Sundays if you are a fan of a certain sports franchise that just lost their star for the season. If not, it's still a great place. I like the pizza and vibe at Bugsy's too. Now that Dremo's is no more, I guess my place to go to in Arlington is Ireland's Four Courts near the Court House metro. I know it's a chain-type pub but I always have fun there.

I'd think about Wolf Trap shows but traffic keeps me from there.