Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Bill and Ted's Excellent Air Guitar Adventure

Saturday, my friend and I watched the Tar Heels shoot themselves in the collective foot, repeatedly, with a sawed-off shotgun made of toothpicks and SuperGlue, while guzzling bleach and sticking its pastel-swathed head in an oven.* In between catastrophic absurdities, we took careful and wary note of one of our neighbors.

He was dressed in head-to-toe Carolina, but was doing some sort of weird shadow puppet swan routine while making rooster noises. He claimed to be doing a Virginia Tech cheer. My friend and I turned to each other, and said, “Now I’ve seen everything! We can totally die now!”

I was wrong. Boy howdy. Because now, just a few days later, I’ve seen everything.

Last night, I went to the All City Air Guitar Championship at Wonderland Ballroom. This truly exists, and it is truly awesome. There were judges and scoring and prizes. There was a room full of enthusiastic fans. It was great. You should totally go.

I saw a guy attempt a scissor kick and bust ass right in front of the judges. I saw a man in an orange jumpsuit and plumber’s crack rock out. I saw a rather drunk young man strip down and boogie. I saw another man pull a beer bottle out of his pants.

I saw my date perform “Breakin’ the Law” in his undershirt with a tie around his head. Cold sober.

I’ve seen everything. I can die now.

Wait, is that a parade of giant fluorescent talking mice outside my window?
*With apologies to Sylvia Plath, because if you're gonna make a suicide joke, may as well go for broke.


LivitLuvit said...

Watch out for the giant squid playing double dutch while ice skating this winter!

Shannon said...

Liv - Dude, the giant squid plays AIR GUITAR!!!!

vvk said...

What?!?! I can't believe I missed that. blah. :-\

[F]oxymoron said...

Like you, I was mesmerized by an air guitar show- it [f]'ing rocked! And you were on a date!

Shannon said...

vvk - You don't compulsively Google the phrase "air guitar competition Washington d.c."? Shame on you!

Foxy - Checking out the air guitar contest was my suggestion. He went up onstage all on his very own.

[F]oxymoron said...

You have now single handedly reaffirmed my faith in DC women.

Shannon said...

Foxy - For all of my (multitudinous) flaws, I'm a fun date.

Michael said...

No offense, but you need to find a whole new class of male compaionship. Because right now you're not hitting your weight, as the saying goes.

Shannon said...

Michael - I dunno, I don't weigh very much. And air guitar is the surest path to my sick little heart.