Monday, July 21, 2008

I Coulda Woulda Shoulda Been That Girl


One of my favorite things to do is go out on the town carrying a random object, and see if anyone notices. There was the time I walked around Chinablock with a chest of drawers, or took a set of full-size Egyptian cotton sheets to a barbecue. Last week, I journeyed home with an Argus 986 Electromatic slide projector (what? I needed a bookend).

Saturday, I had plans to meet a friend or two for a drink (...or two). Because the bar was convenient to Columbia Heights, I thought it might be a good idea to make a Target run on my way over. Then I realized that all the stuff I needed (an Aero bed, poster frames, sodas, painkillers) would be way too heavy and bulky for me to carry around all night. So I decided to go on Sunday, which I promptly rescheduled for…whenever. I’ll get to it. Really.

But, once I got to the bar, I realized I’d missed an opportunity.

I should have bought the Aero bed. Because then I could have been the girl who brought a bed to the bar. Like, what a completely awesomely hilarious way to get a reputation. I’m easy, I’m convenient, I even bring my own self-inflating love nest!

However, don’t worry, there were still plenty of doofus shenanigans. When a homeless dude eats your sandwich while your companions are doing physics experiments at the table, you pretty much know you’re in for A Night. Sigh.

PS - No, I'm not actually easy, I just don't care too much about appearances. And, yes, if you were out Saturday, that short chick gamely attempting to play shufflepuck with Arjewtino was me. And I was really quite sober. Really. (Hi, Dad, Uncle Joe, and Cousin Peanut!)

25 comments:

Ibid said...

I wanna hear more about the physics experiments.

Shannon said...

The guys were trying to keep the beer cold by placing a glass of ice in the middle of the pitcher - of course, we all had to figure out whether the glass would float in the beer, and if so, why.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

so a random homeless guy came up and snatched your sammich?

Lemmonex said...

He needed that sandwich more than you did. Too bad you didn't have the bed with you; you could have given him food and a place to lay his head.

Shannon said...

Nah...he came up to ask us for money, then just would not go away. At some point, he said, "oooh! A sandwich!" so I handed it over in hopes he'd go away and leave us alone. After all, I have plenty of sandwiches, but only so many Saturday nights.

Shannon said...

Lem...nah, I'm all for generosity, but holy cow Aero beds are expensive!

jr said...

i don't know, shannon. you seemed pretty liquored up. you may not have needed any props at all. alluringly bending over the shuffle puck table have been enough

Shannon said...

There is nothing alluring about shuffle puck.

Ibid said...

Seems to me it would float. An empty glass would float. It'd probably want to float fairly high and tip over. Ice would float. Putting ice in a cup would still float. Solid ice in glass would probably sit pretty low. Cubes would leave lots of space and stay floating.
Yeah, it'd totally float.

Shannon said...

Ibid - it did, in fact, float. And I like that among the drunken tomfoolery and ribald references, you seize upon the science experiment.

restaurantrefugee said...

It was merely a matter of determining the proper coefficient ratio of glass to ice relative to remainig beer in pitcher. I can give you a graphed equation if you wish.

Ibid said...

That's pretty much me in a nutshell.

Shannon said...

Refugee - of course, the one flaw in the master plan was pouring beer, as we usually had to fish the glass of ice out with our fingers to do so. Sanitary!

Ibid - no, this is me in a nutshell. "Help! I'm in a nutshell!"

Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lacochran's evil twin said...

Bar beds are totally in! If the bar doesn't sport a few, I say you are within your rights to bring your own.

Ibid said...

Just explain that you plan to drink until you fall off your stool and you need some padding to fall on.

[F]oxymoron said...

One of my favorite things to do is go out on the town carrying a random object, and see if anyone notices

OK, is this why I see so many women carrying around those Victoria Secret bags well before (6/7 AM) and well after the store closes.

Or does it just carry their lunch?

Shannon said...

Ibid, I did actually once get a concussion from falling off a barstool. (In all fairness, it was because a waiter knocked into me.)

Foxymoron, usually, it's lunch. Personally, I don't like VS bags because they're just so obvious. I like to be more subtle...like carrying my own bed.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

There is a great club in Miami called Bed -- so cool.......http://www.bedmiami.com/site/view/

they need one here - wait you could run it haha

Shannon said...

LaTwin, Zipcode, if I actually went to a bar with beds, I'd probably curl up and go to sleep.

LivitLuvit said...

That would have been HILARIOUS- make it happen!

Shannon said...

Dude, now I really am tempted to bar-hop carrying an inflatable bed, and take pictures of people's reactions. Can I get a volunteer photographer?

Tina said...

Wish I lived closer - I'd totally sign on to do the photography.

jr said...

i would take pictures of that, but only if you went all the way. i'm talking footsy pajamas and a stuffed animal... actually, that might be a bit creepy.

maybe you should walk around with the bed, and see if you can find guys to spoon with you. if you can go into a bar and find some guy willing to spoon, and no more, that's props.

Shannon said...

Tina...road trip? Right now I'm picturing me hauling an inflatable bed from bar to bar like a total dumbass, followed by a string of heckling members of the commentariat. Sort of a live-action version of this blog.

JR - that would be utterly funny, but way too creepy. I think it would be funnier if the mattress was strapped to my back.