But I think I hit full moron velocity yesterday. It all started when I rubbed my eyes after eating a giant bag of Salt n’ Vinegar chips. Then I dealt with a case of menu brain freeze by closing my itchy eyes and selecting sushi at random. I crashed on my sofa, in full makeup with my shoes on, even though the bed is just five feet away.
I went to Russia House on a school night.
I will say that the last time I slammed Baltikas on a weeknight, I wound up engaged to a near-stranger and headed for a new life in South America. So I've really gotten a lot wiser in the last five years. Or, at least, I never pull the same dumb stunt twice.
I am spending the rest of the day encasing myself in bubble wrap, shotgunning Gatorade, and hoping no one notices that I have not spoken a word or gotten up from my chair in more than an hour. I want a hug, a double cheeseburger, and maybe a time machine.
Talk amongst yourselves. Or tell me your favorite hangover remedy. Or, better yet, go away and let me sleep. Mmmm, sleep.