Thursday, September 25, 2008

My Truest Love Affair is With My Own Stupidity

If it’s a bad idea, I want in. Ridiculous? Impulsive? Immature? Dumb? Just plain odd? Tell me the time and place, and I am so there.

But I think I hit full moron velocity yesterday. It all started when I rubbed my eyes after eating a giant bag of Salt n’ Vinegar chips. Then I dealt with a case of menu brain freeze by closing my itchy eyes and selecting sushi at random. I crashed on my sofa, in full makeup with my shoes on, even though the bed is just five feet away.

I went to Russia House on a school night.


I will say that the last time I slammed Baltikas on a weeknight, I wound up engaged to a near-stranger and headed for a new life in South America. So I've really gotten a lot wiser in the last five years. Or, at least, I never pull the same dumb stunt twice.

I am spending the rest of the day encasing myself in bubble wrap, shotgunning Gatorade, and hoping no one notices that I have not spoken a word or gotten up from my chair in more than an hour. I want a hug, a double cheeseburger, and maybe a time machine.

Talk amongst yourselves. Or tell me your favorite hangover remedy. Or, better yet, go away and let me sleep. Mmmm, sleep.

18 comments:

Lemmonex said...

You need grease...burgers and fries. Drink so much water you float. Gatorade of the lemon lime variety. And, lastly, alka-seltzer.

Shannon said...

Lem - the water cooler is busted. The cooler doesn't cool, so it's like chugging bathwater. The replacement part doesn't arrive until tomorrow.

And I'm amazed you recommend burgers after the ill-fated Burger Boy.

HP said...

I second lemm on the alka-seltzer. Do you have any leftover from the supply I gave you a few weeks ago? As for food, I prefer super healthy fare when I'm hungover but that's just me. If you're queasy some saltines and flat ginger ale would be good.

Shannon said...

Yes, folks, HP stocks my apartment with hangover supplies. Even a mini champagne bottle and OJ...and I am really tempted to fix myself a mimosa right here at my desk. Think anyone will notice?

Michael said...

Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine!

HP said...

Evidence of why everyone should invite me to their parties: I bring "hangover kits" as gifts.

bh said...

Pffft. Weak.

Hangover is killing four bottles of wine and a bottle of port (plus gimlet's before dinner) with 3 friends over dinner after the kids have gone to bed.

Then the kids get up at 6:30 in the morning. And it's just you. And they are fighting about EVERYTHING.

I find coffee, alka seltzer, a banana and pawning the little ones off on a neighbor for playdate so you can take a nap will get you over.

Hang in there.

Shannon said...

Michael - I was drinking beer. Wanna make out?

HP - Way to make me feel special there, princess.

BH - I'm going to kidnap some kids, then give them away. Will that work?

LivitLuvit said...

Second cheeseburgers. Nothing like a greasy hunk of meat smothered with melty cheese and a squishee bun for a hangover.

Especially with a beer.

Shannon said...

Liv- I'm having mashed potatoes for lunch. So far, it's working pretty well.

restaurantrefugee said...

Not that I ever get drunk or hung-over, but if I did... a sugar free Red Bull washing down some aspirin, two quarts of Gatorade, and at least 1L of water would probably do the trick.

Shannon said...

Refugee, you are ALL ABOUT the clean living. I can't touch anything sugar-free (I'm allergic to artificial sweeteners), but I'm chugging ginger ale.

I sobered up around 10 this morning and it's been downhill ever since.

Michael said...

Make out? Ummm....OK! I'm only a block or two away.

FoggyDew said...

Saltines and ginger ale? Isn't that a remedy for something else?

Shannon said...

Michael knows where I work. Oooh boy.

Foggy - it's a cure for what ALES you!

Oh, come on, you were all thinking the same thing.

maryjanejeff said...

Hot tea and Guinness, alternating sips, used to work like a charm for me. But I haven't tried it in ages. I just stick with Gatorade, coffee (to prevent the no caffeine part of the headache from kicking in), and some sort of grain/bread intensive breakfast mix. Usually works a little bit.

bh said...

I just read your sober up comment. That's the worst: when you have a truly epic evening and you wake up feeling pretty good, only to realize your still drunk and the hangover is waiting until you get to work to settle in.

I know of one other thing that's good for hangovers, but this is a family friendly website.

Shannon said...

MJJ - Of course, a three-hour nap helps as well.

BH - Oh, yeah. You wake up feeling like you've dodged a bullet, then...BLAM!!!!

This site isn't necessarily family-friendly, except that my family and friends read it. And they all realize I'm pretty well imperfect.