Monday, August 11, 2008

Self-Cannibalization: The Other White Meat

One of my favorite party tricks is to say things that make absolutely no sense to anyone.

Saturday, at a vegetarian crab feast (don’t ask), I mentioned how much I enjoy Old Bay seasoning. Except it came out as, “I would eat my own foot if it was slathered in Old Bay!”

This made me contemplate the circumstances under which I would eat my own foot. I would definitely have to detach it first. I haven’t done enough yoga to allow me to eat my foot while it was still attached to my body.

I would eat my foot if it were slathered in Old Bay, queso dip, North Carolina vinegar sauce, spicy mustard, my mom’s spaghetti sauce, or dark chocolate. I would seriously consider eating my foot if it had Cajun seasoning on it, but would most likely demur.

I bet feet aren’t so bad. Bony, and probably hard to pick apart, but I had some great training at the crab feast. (There’s nothing more fun than dissecting your own dinner.) I bet it would even be rather tasty, in fact, people taste like… sweet beef. Though I've also heard we taste like pork or Spam.

Lastly, I would eat my own foot to get out of finishing this post, because, wow, how do you wrap up a post about self-cannibalization? With footnotes? I'm stumped. You really put your foot in your mouth, didn't you? Don't be such a heel! Toe the line.

So, I’ll throw it out to the commentariat. Tell me the when, whys and hows of the circumstances that would lead you to eat your own foot. Bonus points if you would eat your foot while it's still attached to your body.

21 comments:

Jamie said...

You're weird. Late night last night, hmmmm?

And besides, there are parts of my own body I'd eat long before my foot, which I consider very useful and probably quite gristly.

Tina said...

You stumped me on this one - I'm horribly squeamish about meat in general. So i suppose I would onle eat my own foot if I did not have to harvest or prepare it and if it dod not look too much like a body part - human or animal once prepared.

You know - you may have put me off meat for awhile with this post. I'm semi vegetarian as it is. It's not that I think eating meat is wrong. It's just that if I had to do the processing of animal into food I'd starve.

Shannon said...

Jamie, I was in bed by 10:30 after a wild night of root beer floats and YouTube. I'm naturally this weird. So, what part of your body would you eat first?

Shannon said...

Tina, sorry! Fine, crab pickers would get the foot-meat out for you. So what sort of sauce would you put on there?

Shannon said...
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Ibid said...

I AM flexible enough to gnaw on my own foot, but I'd much prefer if it was off first. Pain aside it'd be all juicy and chewy and all that blood would just ruin my shirt.

No, it needs to be prepared properly. They're a bit like hooves and talons in that you can cook and eat them but they would be rather a pain. You've gotta pull the nails and peel off the soles and any calluses. In the end it's about like buffalo wings. All breading and seasoning with little to no actual meat.

[F]oxymoron said...

If I eat my own foot, then how will I upset the fashionistas with my flip-flop fascination?

Shannon said...

Ibid, chicken wings is a fair assessment - though I bet feet taste more like sweet beef jerky.

Foxy, you'll wear a prosthetic foot in the shape of a Croc.

hey pretty said...

I'm extremely flexible so eating my own foot while still attached would be doable, although not desirable.

However, I really doubt there is much to eat on a human foot. The foodie in me thinks it might work best to exploit the bone marrow: roast it and serve it with some nice fancy salt.

Shannon said...

HP - I bet feet would be great for making stock! And I bet you could totally eat your own foot while it was still attached.

LivitLuvit said...

Haha- get it- "footnotes"

Shannon said...

Liv - that was a very arch comment. Good to see you're instep with the rest of us!

charlotteharris said...

Thinking of a mouth near a foot... yuck, sorry I can't play in today's comments - LOL. I am surprised you haven't gotten any pervy comments from the foot fetish contingent. You know they're lurking out there - yuck!

Shannon said...

CH - I will have you know that I am the number one Google destination for "foot fetish jailbait."

lacochran's evil twin said...

Wish I had a gizzard. They're *really* tasty.

I knew someone once who used to bite her own toenails. Go figger.

Lemmonex said...

Bit their own TOENAILS!

Oh for the love...I just got that pre throw-up feeling.

I would eat my own foot over a bowl of coconut anyday.

Shannon said...

First off, I like that today's post is so gross that not even Zipcode can weigh in, and most everyone else is commenting just to tell me how gross I am.

LaTwin, that's disgusting. But also, highly intriguing.

Lemmonex, I would rather eat a bowl of coconut than your foot. But I'm sure your feet are very tasty.

Zipcode said...

lol zipcode is here never fear - I am speechless on this one.

I have no words really.

but I actually stopped my tear fest I am having and been laughing at the comments.

Shannon said...

Aw, Zip, that was exactly the idea!

Zipcode said...

You are hands down the funniest woman - you and antidc continually crack me up............

Shannon said...

Aw, thanks. But I gotta put my foot down (har) and say...Marissa may well be funnier than I am.