Friday, August 08, 2008

I Can't Stand Up (for Falling Down)

I fall down a lot. In fact, just yesterday, I busted ass in front of a Popeye’s.

I’d just finished my two-piece chicken dinner (what? Hangover food, people), and was walking back to the office with a spring in my step and a sloshy cup of empty calories in my hand. The ground gave way. As in, I tumbled to Earth and skinned my elbows, my knees, and my butt in the process. Also, somehow, I scraped off my toenail polish.


How I managed to dent both the front and backside of me is a total mystery. I imagine the arc of my fall was downright beautiful, and passersby thought they were experiencing Cirque du Soleil. Well, Cirque du Soleil as performed by a woman holding a soda from Popeye’s and dressed like a pregnant hippie.

It hurt. But it was also pretty funny. And I believe when life hands you a choice between laughing and crying, you should opt for laughter. So I sat on the ground, soda rolling across the sidewalk, legs akimbo, cackling at my own dumbassery.

I looked up and down the block, and noticed that nobody else was laughing. In fact, two young women had stopped dead in their tracks, and were headed my way. They both asked if I was OK.

I asked, “Say, has anybody seen my dignity? I’m sure it was around here someplace,” and went back to laughing hysterically. Then I noticed that my soda had come through the ordeal just fine, and felt a whole lot better. Woo, caffeine and empty calories! Two of my favorite things.

A random young man trotted up, helped me to my feet, dusted me off, asked if I was hurt, and went on his way. The two young women kept asking if I’d broken or sprained anything (wow, that fall must have looked like a doozy). They also examined the sidewalk to see what I had slipped on and asked if I was going to be able to get back to my office. After a few moments, I was able to gingerly head back to work. I'm still a little sore, but nothing a couple of beers can't fix.

So, anybody who says DC is cold and unfriendly, the people are lame, and nobody has any manners: bust ass in front of a chicken joint, and see your faith in humanity restored. It was really very lovely.

26 comments:

Jamie said...

I would have laughed my mule off if I was there! It sounds like spectacular physical comedy.

And then helped you to your feet, of course!

Shannon said...

Actually, Jamie, you would have laughed so hard you would have fallen down yourself, and we would have sat there laughing at each other until the guys with the white suits and butterfly nets showed up to take us away.

LivitLuvit said...

I do stuff like this so regularly, it doesn't even faze me anymore. I don't know WHAT it would take to embarrass me at this point...

I meant to bust ass for your entertainment at the bar last night, I guess that will have to wait for the new one...

Shannon said...

LivLuv - Well, the Blond managed to break her jug of vodka tonic, so I think she had all of us covered.

Justin said...

This seriously does not help my recent cravings for Popeye's. Funny thing is, it's the first thing I thought of when I saw the banana peel. The only one in D.C I know of is near the Banana Cafe in Eastern Market.

Hm. Did you drink on a first date or something? Trying to figure out why we were both hungover Thursday morning ;)

Shannon said...

Justin - go get you some Popeye's. We won't tell. I spent Wednesday evening downing beer and sausage platters with friends. I'm swanky like that.

And, remember, you're the only one of us foolish enough to drink hard liquor on a first date.

Jamie said...

No hard liquor on a first date? I'm not saying it's required, but if I roll up to meet my date at the bar and she's sipping a real drink, that's automatic extra credit. I respect people who can handle their liquor and aren't ashamed of it.

I do try to avoid huffing glue on a first date, though.

Zipcode said...

I fell on my ass last night - after arriving in rainy NC - walking into the garage carrying my stuff, flip flips + water + oil = zipcode falling on her ass - I hurt my knee and chipped my toe nail polish, however I just got back a from pedicure and its fixed now. Still sore - but I raise a beer in your honor tonight for falling on your ass as well.

Shannon said...

Jamie - personally, I have to huff glue to survive most dates. I don't drink liquor on school nights, because I simply will not function the next day if I do. In my defense, I'm pretty small.

Zip - now, THAT would be an Olympic event. Synchronized Blogger Ass-Busting.

Gilahi said...

I'm still trying to imagine what "legs akimbo" looks like.

Shannon said...

Gilahi - let's just say I was relieved to be wearing slacks.

BH said...

I'm pretty sure there's also a Popeyes north of thomas circle on 14th Street. Love me some fried shrimp, red beans and rice, and of course, the biscuits.

BH (formally Bates)

Justin said...

Shannon,

Have you ever been to Old Europe? It's right by me, I've been meaning to go for ages. It sounds like somewhere that would have a sausage platter..

Jamie,

She started with a white (or two), I had a red.. I ordered a Manhattan. Then she ordered one for each of us. Then she ordered yet another one for each of us... You see where this story is going.

Shannon said...

Bh - the biscuits are hangover heaven.

Justin - haven't been there, I usually dig the sausage platters at Cafe Mozart. And I'm impressed that the ladies try to liquor you up on a first date.

Zipcode said...

None of you would ever eat any of those Popeyes if I told you what I arrested that worked in all of them. Carry on - I am down in the land of Bojangles anyway - also, freaking Sonic is everywhere as well as Little Caesars - I will gain 10 pounds on this trip - damn it

Shannon said...

Zip - do NOT taunt me with Bojangles. I miss the hell out of their chicken.

Jamie said...

Justin... that sounds like the perfect date! Except for the getting up and going to work part.

And Old Europe is awesome. I haven't been in a couple years but we used to do big birthday party dinners there. It's a great space, complete with surly old waitresses and a blind piano player. The food's a little pricey, but it's authentic and the beer is quite reasonable so it balances out.

FoggyDew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FoggyDew said...

A BoJ's chicken biscuit, fries with Cajun gravy and a BIG sweet tea: The tried and true recipe for killing New Years Day-magnitude hangovers.

Shannon said...

Jamie, rude people and beer? How have I not been to this magical place?

Foggy - Mmmmm, anybody up for a road trip to North Carolina?

Ibid said...

First date? To heck with alcohol. You want dried and powdered giant aquatic Brazilian centipedes. It's not a real date until you have to debate the size of the tip with the napkin dispenser.

Shannon said...

Ibid, that would TOTALLY explain how I wound up getting married in Vegas.

suicide_blond said...

the epic proportions of your fall from grace..
umm.....oh wait i wanted to use that in the underpants post...
xoxo

Shannon said...

Aw, Blond, don't worry about it. EVERY post around here eventually devolves into discussions about underpants.

Lemmonex said...

Well, at least I am in good company. I just dropped my blender and it shattered everywhere. The curse of clumsiness...

Shannon said...

Lem - You dropped your blender in perfect margarita weather? Alas.