Friday, August 29, 2008

Slacker Friday Happy Sinus Post

Hi! Anybody here? Just, me, then? Everyone else has already left for the weekend?

Good. Since nobody’s looking, I’m just going to babble on about nothing.

Why do all my sinus medications make me see little elves dancing across the ledge of the reception desk? Oh, is that because I’m not supposed to take them all at once? How dull. This is seriously the best high EVER.

Why do men do that weird leg-spreading thing on the Metro? Do they think I’m aroused by their knees? Do they really have the sort of junk that requires separate seating arrangements? Or do they just want me to believe that they do?

Why does the sight of a BlackBerry make me die inside?

What exactly does a drum cartridge do?

Why do dating and job rejection emails all look suspiciously alike? Do they all come from the same Form Letter Factory?

Why does my hair wait until a rainy day to develop any sort of personality?

And, lastly, why does the very existence of Vin Diesel offend me so grievously?

19 comments:

lacochran said...

"Why do men do that weird leg-spreading thing on the Metro? Do they think I’m aroused by their knees? Do they really have the sort of junk that requires separate seating arrangements? Or do they just want me to believe that they do?"

Ha! Great stuff.

Oops. I'm not here. You didn't see me. I have a life. I'm not reading the internet on a holiday weekend.

Michael said...

Men "spread" to claim and mark their territory. Be glad we don't urinate on the seats like a cat. It's one of urban life's smaller blessings, darling.

As a suddenly single woman in D.C., were you perhaps disappointed that John McCain did not call you for a date with destiny? I mean, you're already here and all. And experienced and stuff. :)

Shannon said...

Lacochran - I'm reporting you to the coolness authorities.

Michael - Can't be VP, because I can't be President. Stupid overseas birth!

[F]oxymoron said...

All answers can be found in reading the frosty runes atop cupcakes (with a swig or two of a Nyquill/Wine cocktail)... slowly backing away...

FoggyDew said...

The leg spreading thing has everything to do with angles and pressure. It doesn't take much pressure to make "things" uncomfortable no matter the size of the junk. So the greater the angle, the greater the contentment.

What kind of a spread are we talking about? Like the kind you'd find in a sorority house, or rather a large acute angle?

You mean you're not heading out to see Babylon AD?

Shannon said...

Foxy - I'm worried the elves will steal my cupcakes. They're very sketchy little elves.

Foggy - The man who sat next to me this morning practically hitched his leg over my thigh, for an impressive 45 degree angle.

Michael said...

You're a foreigner?! Aha! You speak our language very well. Obviously "they" have trained you for some subversive task one day--like breaking a poor native boy's heart! :)

Lemmonex said...

Vin Diesel was hot to me for about 4 minutes....then I got over it.

Arjewtino said...

Do they really have the sort of junk that requires separate seating arrangements?

Yes. Yes, we do.

Shannon said...

Michael - Indeed, I'm half foreigner.

Lem - You and your bad boys!

Arjewtino - Why am I flashing back to the "elephantitus of the nuts" conversation from The Breakfast Club?

Michael said...

Which half? :)

Shannon said...

The left side.

Ibid said...

I don't get high from allergy meds. Ok, there was that once, but I did take 34X the recommended dosage. I've got this uber-drug that I use only in Kansas. It's restricted because it can be used to make Meth. I can see why, too. When I take it the need for sleep is eliminated.

Guys spread their legs because their junk needs breathing room. It's their way of saying "Yeah, baby. I'm just that fucking fertile!"
This is less of a problem with professional truck drivers and computer geeks. Since we spend all day sitting the heat can't escape and we have lower sperm counts than ... oh, you know, construction workers or someone who spends the bulk of their time on their feet.

Because when you were little your baby sister was killed by a blackberry. You can ask your parents but they threw out all the photos.

The drum cartridge keeps the beat so all the tiny monks that live inside the printer can keep time. Without it they get out of sync and your prints start to smear.

Vin Diesel offends you because he's trying to fill the spot that people our age know rightfully belongs to Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And the only good thing he's done has been the Riddick movies.

Overseas births are OK. You just can't be born the citizen of another country.

Titania said...

Hmmmm, I am finding new respect for my male fellow cyclists... In particular after those gruesome rides that take 3-4 hours seated in the hard tiny saddle all constricted in spandex.

Tina said...

Vin Diesel, as Riddick, ROCKS! As the Pacifier - um not so much. In fact in all his other roles - not so much.

(Although, the tats in triple X were hot. But they would have been just as hot on a different actor - maybe even more so.)

Shannon said...

Ibid - What's a Riddick?

Titania - Maybe all the junk-spreaders on the Metro are cyclists!

Tina - again, what's a Riddick?

brandonsavage said...

Your hair waits because it hates you. ;-)

Happy Labor Day!

Ibid said...

You haven't seen the new Dr. Who, you haven't seen Riddick... I'm just gonna have to open up my video library for you to rummage through.

I thought both Riddick movies were on Hulu. Guess it's just one.
http://www.hulu.com/pitch-black

Riddick is like The Terminator. The first movie was ok, but it was the second movie that made them worth watching.

Zipcode said...

ah thats more Vin for me then.

They are coming out with another Fast and the Furious next year with the original cast - saw the preview when I saw Death Race. EXCITED