You were in this weird dream I had last night. For some reason, a few of us were hanging out at the grocery store. Then, I won a $100 shopping spree somehow. I went to the bathroom and you did the shopping spree in my place and didn't even
buy me anything. Anyhow, just thought I'd let you in on it.
Wow. When men dream of me, they imagine me as a greedy little grocery-stealer. Other women cavort naked across the subconscious worlds of men, or sometimes they’ll wear naughty nurse uniforms or leather getups. I, however, have a dream-self who is not only not hot, she’s fundamentally unreliable and selfish. This is awesome.
The only way this dream could have been better is if I’d spent the entire $100 on feminine hygiene products.
So, boys, look for me in your fertile imaginations and nighttime wanderings. I won’t be the one draping myself across a conference table in a sexy secretary outfit. I’ll be the one stealing your cars, eating your sandwiches, breaking your TVs, raping your goats and de-alphabetizing your record collections.