Plan A was Craigslist, which a friend of mine refers to as my “Boyfriend Netflix.” This is because I found two boyfriends in a row from that site. However, this time my options seemed to be limited to men who send me photos of themselves in their underpants. Or men who ordinarily live in Rome, but would love to mercilessly critique my writing and possibly buy me some lingerie.
So I tried OKCupid, which is also free. The good news stops there.
For starters, OKCupid has the annoying habit of trying to fix me up with my friends. It’s like an online version of my mother.
Also, the men of OKCupid have some of the worst reading comprehension skills of any men, anywhere, on the Internet. I live in DC. I say, in my profile, that I do not have a car. So, if you live in Leesburg, and somehow get through life in the exurbs without a car, how do you propose we date one another? Also, Exurb + No Car = DUI conviction. Or unemployed. Or, possibly, both.
The one guy I did meet and go out with from OKCupid sent me what amounts to a rejection form letter. “Thank you for your interest, however, we do not have any positions available at the Girlfriend Corporation.” This drab little punch in the gut was followed by half a dozen smiley face emoticons. Wow, rejection PLUS emoticons, it’s like my best day ever!
Lastly, I'm just not feeling any of the guys on there. Could it just be that I’m finally jaded, more than sixteen years after my first date? Or could it be the sinus infection that is gradually devouring my eyeballs from the inside? Most likely, I’m just not in “Date Mode” these days. If every email feels like a chore to respond to, it's time to take a break.
Who’s up for a girls’ night out?
PS - Yes, I’m aware this post outs me as single. I have been since July, I just thought an announcement post would be a bit self-pitying and ridiculous. Self-pitying and ridiculous are both par for the course around here, I know, but I tend to stay away from really personal stuff.