Thursday, July 30, 2009

In Which My Inner Woodbridge Asserts Itself

There's a bit of a citified fluffy bunny romantic girly-girl inside me. I like champagne, high heels, and the occasional candlelit restaurant.

On the other hand, my neck's a little red. There are few things I love more than throwing back some beers in a lawn chair while various children of indeterminate sire run around under a sprinkler and use their elbows to wipe off their Kool-Aid mustaches. Afterwards, I want to hit the outlet mall and maybe get some jalapeno poppers over at the TGIFriday's.

As a true American, there is only one way to reconcile these two sides of myself. You got it, CONSUMERISM. And so, allow me to introduce the greatest, surest, sweetest path to my heart:

The Beer Mug of Blooms

Go and read all about it. I'll wait. It's glorious. There are special acrylic rocks, y'all. Of course, I would argue that acrylic is always special. Then again, I'm from Woodbridge.

Now, if your special lady is typically neck-deep in the tequila, you could send the Margarita Bouquet. If she never got over the cancellation of Sex and the City (in other words, if your taste in women is utterly appalling), you can send her the Appletini. All this tableau requires is a floral Alize.

In the comments, tell me what sort of drink would make the finest bouquet.

23 comments:

f.B said...

Margarita Bouquet? That would've made courting my lady so much easier. Though, I probably would've ruined it anyway by calling it "courting."

Brando said...

"Children of indeterminate sire" would be an awesome name for a rockband.

Shannon said...

f.B - You would have to court her with something fancier. I'd suggest a Boone's Farm Bouquet.

Brando - Or a sci-fi novel.

bh said...

You have TRULY outdone yourself this time. I'm totally tempted to go spring my kids from daycamp, borrow the neighbor's kid, put the sprinkler on, and drink beer until a dog bites a kid or vice versa. Then make my neighbor take the bitten one to the hospital/vet. Cause he's the only sober one.

I'd recommend a Malt Liqour bouquet. It would be daisy's shoved in a cut open can of steel reserve.

Shannon said...

bh - Pick me up on your way. I'll bring the off-brand Cheetos.

Tina said...

I would like a Brandy Alexander bouquet - so what does that say about me? cCome on - I'm dying to hear!

Gilahi said...

Actually, it's pretty much impossible to reach your lips with your elbow. Unless they're using their elbows to wipe off each other's lips.

Shannon said...

Tina - Nothing that hasn't been said already! :)

Gilahi - I'm surrounded by double-jointed children. Happy now?

Tina said...

Syhannon-

By my friends or by those who are not? ;)

Brett said...

My idiot coworker, the one who locked her keys in the car not once, but twice- WITH THE CAR RUNNING!- is from Woodbridge. I think she might try to drink the acrylic rocks. Shall we find out?

Brett said...

My idiot coworker, the one who locked her keys in the car not once, but twice- WITH THE CAR RUNNING!- is from Woodbridge. I think she might try to drink the acrylic rocks. Shall we find out?

Brett said...

My idiot coworker, the one who locked her keys in the car not once, but twice- WITH THE CAR RUNNING!- is from Woodbridge. I think she might try to drink the acrylic rocks. Shall we find out?

Brett said...

My idiot coworker, the one who locked her keys in the car not once, but twice- WITH THE CAR RUNNING!- is from Woodbridge. I think she might try to drink the acrylic rocks. Shall we find out?

Brett said...

My idiot coworker, the one who locked her keys in the car not once, but twice- WITH THE CAR RUNNING!- is from Woodbridge. I think she might try to drink the acrylic rocks. Shall we find out?

Brett said...

My idiot coworker, the one who locked her keys in the car not once, but twice- WITH THE CAR RUNNING!- is from Woodbridge. I think she might try to drink the acrylic rocks. Shall we find out?

Brett said...

My idiot coworker, the one who locked her keys in the car not once, but twice- WITH THE CAR RUNNING!- is from Woodbridge. I think she might try to drink the acrylic rocks. Shall we find out?

FoggyDew said...

Wow! Brett really must have wanted to get her point across.

I hate fishing, but I used to go out with friends just to throw a line in the water and drink beer. Some good afternoons, those.

I'm going totally hi-class here: the best drink for a bouquet would have to be a bottle of Strawberry Hill Boone's Farm.

Brando said...

I'm confused, does Brett have an idiot co-worker who might be interested in eating acrylic rocks?

Brett said...

My idiot coworker, the one who locked her keys in the car not once, but twice- WITH THE CAR RUNNING!- is from Woodbridge. I think she might try to drink the acrylic rocks. Shall we find out?

Shannon said...

Tina - You have no enemies. Just people who are marginally more afraid of you than others.

Brett to the Eighth Power - Prince William County schools, the center of all achievement.

Foggy - But would you and Justin fight over the blooms?

Brando - I believe so.

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