Tuesday, August 04, 2009

No Man Can Eat 50 Eggs. Nuggets Are a Whole 'Nother Thing

Have you ever noticed that the Universe will take your state of mind and push it to an illogical extreme? Likewise, have you ever noticed that if you are not feeling your best, the Universe will continue to exploit your weakness until you squawk?

For about the last week, I've been feeling queasy and headachy and so tired I get out of bed in the mornings by rolling off the mattress and onto the floor. The parquet floor, mind you. It's the thump and the bruising that finally wakes me up. Then I'm ready for a day of trudging through my obligations and climbing back into bed.

The Universe, for its part, has been playing merry hell with me. I've been assaulted with gnarly smells and lurching Metro drivers. The late summer malaise has hit me with full force.


However, nothing can quite compare to the Logan's Run office across the hall. Everyone is young, everyone is loud, and everyone cranks a cacophony of tasteful boy-rock. It's awful.


What's worse is that, as young folks are wont to do, they've begun daring each other to do revolting things, and then divulging the details. Friday's dare was to eat one hundred Chick-fil-A chicken nuggets, in one sitting. Apparently, the lucky contestant got to nugget number 75 and then puked a rainbow of fruit flavors.

Trust me, the image of 75 reconstituted nuggets is not helping with the nausea. Does anybody have a better remedy?

15 comments:

Hammer said...

Listen to "Tommy" with a candle burning. Your nausea will disappear and you'll see your future.

Dagny Taggart said...

I find altoids helpful. And lemon ginger tea from Stash.

And not listening to those trying to recapture their pledge period, of course.

bh said...

I'll leave you with what I consider to be sound advice by Homer Simpson:

"Alcohol: Cause of, and solution too, all of life's problems."

or ginger ale, whateve.

Shannon said...

Hammer - Just so long as I don't have to loll about in baked beans like Ann-Margret.

Dagny - Mmm, ginger tea. Good suggestion!

Shannon said...

bh - Well, what if I stir a little gin into my ginger ale? Win-win!

Lemmonex said...

Should I know what Logan's Run is?

Hammer said...

To answer Lexa's question, yes.

Brando said...

Lemmonex, Logans Run was a sci-fi film from the mid-70s (with a cameo by Farrah Fawcett!) about a futuristic society where anyone over age 25 would have to perish and....and I just outed myself as a nerd, didn't I?

Best remedy for nausea is hot tea, but those nuggets sound pretty tasty right now...

Tina said...

I second the ginger tea and take some B12 since you depleat that when you drink. Invest in a box of comfortable ear plugs. I like the pink squishy ones. I find they improve all manner of situations for me.

Shannon said...

Lemmonex/Hammer/Brando - I tend to refer to any place with a bunch of youngsters as "Logan's Run." The best part? When I call the kids across the hall by that name, they never get the joke. Thereby reinforcing my point.

Tina - Weirdly, for me anyway, I've been going easy on the booze lately. But I'll definitely have to get some ginger tea.

Gilahi said...

Actually, ginger anything is good for your digestion and can settle an upset stomach. The trick is to read the label and make sure it has real ginger in it. Most ginger ales these days don't. They're just flavored artificially. Get some Reed's Ginger Brew or some other small brand (or read the label on the box of tea) to make sure you're actually getting ginger.

lacochran said...

There's only one cure for morning sickness that I know. Wait, two.

Shannon said...

Gilahi - What if I just swipe a bunch of ginger from a sushi restaurant?

Lacochran - Who said anything about morning sickness? I'd have to be a World Champion Ovulator to make that an issue.

Lisa said...

I love your description of the across-the-hallers as Logan's Run. As for all those nuggets - in original form or reconstituted - that is truly vile.

Nausea is the worst. Trader Joe's has good chewy ginger candies. Ginger snaps also seem to help. Or anyway, in my early preg days they did.

FoggyDew said...

Lemmonex 3 should definitely know what Logan's Run is. If she needs some help, I have it on DVD and she can borrow it and be renewed. And, if I remember correctly Brando, you go on Carrousel at 30, not 25. (God, I'm a geek.)

World champion ovulator, that's funny. Or, perhaps, maybe your womb is so powerful it's warped the time-space continuuum? What? It could happen.