...toss 'em in a sarcasm fryer and laugh your ass off. Yesterday in my (mostly neglected) OKCupid! account, I found a charmingly ungrammatical, incomprehensible piece of short-form literary goo, in the form of a private message indicating a desire to visit Washington (and subsequently rock. My. World). Because I can never resist a good freakshow, and because my Internet suitors are nothing if not blogworthy, I decided to check this guy out. You're welcome.
The accompanying profile included a reassuring burst of randomly capitalized enthusiasm.
all Emails will be answered!!!!
Operators are standing by! And a stunningly ambitious life goal...
Trying to get a Job.
A job or a Job? Biblical archetypal victims aside...we have a small issue of bean-counting, when the beans are the six things you can't live without:
Family,Friends,Music and Movies, Beer, Cigars and Women!
He spends his time thinking in near-haikus about:
The future and Money.
Places that I would love to see.
how to get more money.
I should message him if I...
Like my look.
Are not overweight.
And a final caveat:
I have no respect for women that do not even send a reply to an email
Sir, my truest love, as a woman who simply will not reply to that which stretches her tiny, non-overweight brain beyond its natural capacity, I apologize for preemptively losing your respect. Also, if your beer belly is swelling to flopover proportions, yet, you demand a funzies-partner who is not overweight, I'm gonna guess your respect for women in general runs somewhere between negative and nil. Never hold others to a standard that you yourself cannot meet.
Welcome to the delete pile! You'll make lots of friends there.
In the comments, call me a nitpicky mean-spirited bitch, or remind me that proper spelling and punctuation have no place in Zee Rituals of Zee Lovin'. Or, set a standard for me that you can't meet. "Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound," for example.