"Hey, that's my beer!"
"You know that's not strictly food, right?"
"Let me reach that down for you."
"You are too much!" (Really? I tend to think that I'm just enough.)
"You do realize you're a teeny little white girl from Woodbridge, right? And this can only end in a shanking?"
"Pants buddies for life!"
However, no sentence is more popular than, "I'm saying this as your friend." "I'm saying this as your friend," means, "Your motivations and behavior make no sense to me whatsoever, but, because I care, I am going to be honest with you about how ridiculous you're being."
Here are a few (paraphrased) versions I've heard in the last week:
"I'm saying this as your friend, you really need to let go of your weird loathing for canoes."
"I'm saying this as your friend, you spend a lot of time obsessing over the insignificant."
"I'm saying this as your friend, you really need to stop discussing things like fetish videos and skin cancer on the first date."
I can draw a few conclusions. The main one is that I require A LOT of adult supervision.
The next is that I have wonderfully honest friends who will confront me if I'm headed for trouble. (Even better, they'll support me even when they don't agree with me, which is the truest test of friendship.)
The final conclusion is the most vexing, because it's something I'll need to decide:
At what point does the sensible gathering of information and advice morph into the gutless crowdsourcing of your very existence?
I let my friends weigh in on everything from whether I should move (yes! but no! but yes!) to what color my hair should be (red! brunette! red! brunette!). Most of the time, I listen carefully, give a contemplative nod, then do whatever I'd made up my mind to do in the first place. More rarely, I take all of the advice to heart, sift through it for the wisest parts, and make an informed decision. Other times, my brain gets so filled with packing peanuts, rattling noises and static that I just wind up doing whatever the last person I spoke with told me to do.
I don't know when I wound up both stubborn and indecisive, but at least I'm self-aware enough to realize when I'm bullheadedly dithering for days at a stretch. The next step will be knowing when to listen to my inner drummer, and when to pummel him into submission and do whatever Foggy tells me to do.
In the comments, tell me something as my friend. Or, ask for everyone's advice on something absurdly insignificant that you've decided must be The Most Important Thing Ever.