Thursday, June 11, 2009

Among the Many Things That Baffle Me

Someone, somewhere, who is somewhat smarter than me, once said that wisdom is the compensation for growing older. Unfortunately, as I'm a bit contrary, the older I get, the less I understand.

I don't get the purpose of the "campon" feature is on my work phone, except for perhaps to rhyme with "tampon." I don't get injustice, racism, leggings, decaf, or the weird rolling sound I hear from my upstairs neighbors.

But, with all the hullabaloo over David Carradine, I find myself even more confused than usual. Not that a celebrity died, because, really, they die just a little more than most of us (to the point I wonder if we'll ever run out).

No, I simply do not get auroerotic asphyxiation. Like, I could spend hours in an empty room with lots of rafters, with a noose and no pants, and it would just never occur to me.

I will admit to not being the most adventurous person ever. Last night was a rousing session of skimming vacuous fashion magazines (neon? really?) and scrubbing the bathroom. I live 25 miles from where I grew up. Lastly, my safety word is "ouch!" followed by, "...the hell?"

So, I'd never, in a million years, in that imaginary empty room with the many rafters, pantsless and bored, think any of this up.

In the comments, imagine you're in a room with a noose and no pants. Is this what you'd think up? If not...what WOULD you do?

21 comments:

Lemmonex said...

I don't think autoerotic asphyxiation is my "thing" but I really don't think it is that weird. Pleasure and pain often mix.

Shannon said...

Lem - I don't think it's weird, per se, it just takes a particularly creative mind to come up with. Some build cathedrals, others invent autoerotic asphyxiation.

jman said...

Autoasphyxiation (great looking word with all those consonants and a y and x together where you pronounce both of them unlike the lame xylophone)is nothing compared to letting a gerbil run up one's ass. I can understand some numb nut trying it once he or she had heard of it, but who would ever think when trying to come up with a real turn on, even a total masochist or sadist, in a flash of pure genius, that a gerbil running up one's ass would be just the ticket!

Shannon said...

This post hasn't even been up for an hour and jman has already invoked gerbils. Oh, heavens.

Just A Girl said...

First, is that Karl Lagerfeld? Second, I'd be trying to make rope pants. I like to be choked a little sometimes, but not to the point of actually not being able to breathe. Scary.

Gilahi said...

I would count the number of times I was able to lasso something, up to 21.

Shannon said...

JAG - Any skeevy post can be accompanied by a picture of Karl Lagerfeld.

Gilahi - My concern would be that the lassoing would create drafts, which would be uncomfortable if I wasn't wearing pants.

bh said...

Something about Karl Lagerfield makes me really uncomfortable. Much like the idea of getting the sh!t choked out of me while doing the nasty.

On the other hand, ask me to dress up like a viking, and I'm so there.

jo said...

I'm very much a "whatever floats your boat" type person when it comes to that kind of stuff. Would I do it? No, choking is not sexy at ALL to me (although I agree with Jman asphyxiation is a great word) but for some (I'm guessing) it's all about control and being forced to out of it. This is an extreme case, but so is most kinds of extreme S&M.

Shannon said...

bh - I'm sure you'd be a sexy sexy Viking.

jo - My concern would be that it's very hard to say your safety word when you're not in control of your windpipe.

Dave said...

I read somewhere that several hundred people a year die in a similar manner which, I might add, is several hundred people higher than die from overdosing on marijuana. So now, imagine a public safety campaign against this...slogan, spokespeople, psa's.

auroerotic asphyiation is no choke.

kill bill 3.

kung-fu grip.

justjp said...

I am into pain, but not lack of Oxygen. Plus, ask any guy what we do when naked and you will probably get the traditional "cock origami" response. Please refer to the movie "Waiting" for further explanation.

Shannon said...

Dave - AWESOME! The next great Nanny State campaign.

justjp - Fortunately, I had male roommates in college, so I know all about that. The origami. Not the pain. That's one of those whatever floats your boat (or your undies) things that just...uh, how 'bout them Heels?

Heather said...

Fatal attractions of this manner are just not for me, but put it down a few notches, a little pain isn't that bad minus the rope and whip. I am no Indiana Jane in the boudoir.

Zipcode said...

Unfortunately, I took Sex Offenders and Their Offenses class in college back in 1995 and was introduced to this wierd method, I have a text book with other wierd crap as well - some of the things I read gave me nightmares for weeks.

Shannon said...

Heather - I am learnign all sorts of things about people today!

Zip - The closest I ever came to that was Urban Dictionary...really, every state in the Union has something pervy associated with it.

f.B said...

I don't know what I'd do.

But I do know that that picture looks like a wax Ray Charles.

lacochran said...

No comment.

Wait, I do have a comment: You mean that's not Robert Blake?

Shannon said...

f.B - Karl Lagerfeld, people! What, you aren't up on your creepy fashion designers?

Lacochran - Sadly, no. He refused any part of this upon advice from his lawyer.

HP said...

I thought everyone learned their lesson when the INXS dude kicked it.

Alex said...

Not that I'm an expert, but I don't think it's about control, or pain, or all that jazz... this seems to be something people usually do to themselves. Given the hassles and the high likelihood of complications, the fact that it appears to be so common means it must be incredibly addictive... my question would be why anyone tries it the first time around (same Q goes for heroin).