Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Addiction Can Be Diagnosed Over the Internet!

This gem landed in the comments section of my post, "Alcohol Makes You Smarter and More Perceptive!":

It is very pathetic conditon to be addicted to alcohol. It spoils our
life and liver. So try to come out of it. Visit us, here we provided useful
informative tips and treatment for alcohol addiction._______________David

Alcohol abuse affects millions. This site has a lot of useful
Alcohol Abuse

That's right, folks, REHAB SPAM. This is just too awesome. Now, I am all about programs to help with substance abuse. I've seen enough friends get their lives back to know that they can work. But the methods here are pretty suspect.

Who is this person trying to help? Me? Nowhere in the post do I imply that I drink heavily. Instead, I mock the men who do. My readers? Do any of you wish to renounce drinking after the esteemed Mr. Francis called you pathetic?

Anyhow, Mr. Francis, thank you. You didn't cure me of my nonexistent alcoholism, however, it's a very pathetic condition to not know what to blog about on a Tuesday. It spoils my life and liver. So, thanks!


Ibid said...

I'm sure you got it for the same reason I get offered cheap African all natural birth control pills and you get ads for "H3rb@l Viogra too makes her moan".

Jamie said...

The problem of not knowing what to blog about is very serious. If I received spam that said "GAUR ANT E#D BLOG TOP IX 4 LIFE!!!" I would probably read it.

Shannon said...

Ibid, I usually get spam for "debt relief the Christian way," which implies that maybe other religions deserve their debt.

Jamie, I would only go for it if the blog topics were herbal and all-natural.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

I feel healed from internet alcoholism (did I even spell that right, not awake yet) after reading that. Now we just need an internet Jimmy Swaggart - ten points if you remember him.

Gilahi said...

I have just inherted $5,000,000 (American), but I ca'nt leave the country doo too the opresive rejime hear. If you will send me just $1500 (American), I will most joyfuly devide my inhertancy with you. THis iss completlly legitamate. Please do not passup this offer of my geenorosity.

Youir freind in Nigeria,

Ibid said...

Alas, there was a guy who fell for the Nigerian dictator scam. He went to the Nigerian Embassy and demanded his money back. When they tried to explain the situation he started shooting the place up.

On the plus side that's one idiot no longer on the street.

Anonymous said...

1) I can never denounce alcohol...EVER!

2) I do remember Jimmy Swaggart and how he busted Jim Bakker for his sexcapades.

3) Personally, I think Mr. Francis should be forced to drink like a new pledge in a fraternity.

Shannon said...

Zipcode, you have been HEALED by the power of my blog!

Gilahi, first I'll need to send you all of my bank account numbers and personal data. My SSN is 451-23-SUCKA.

Ibid, what a waste - the man could have gone on to explain that his man-bits hadn't gotten any larger, despite all the herbal supplements that were supposed to make her moan.

Thoughts, remember, it's pathetic to submit comments in list form. It ruins your life and liver.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

I feel healed, now if I send you a money order for 1 million, will you send me one back for 700,000 so I can put it my Nigeria Bank funds. It will go to help my starving 10 children and their wives.

Anonymous said...

meh...my liver and life were ruined years ago...i'm beyond healing *sigh*

Anonymous said...

meh...my liver and life were ruined years ago...i'm beyond healing *sigh*

lacochran said...

I have been saved by alcohol! You can be, too! Send $25 to lacochran and learn my secrets!!

[Insert tiny, tiny print here scrolling quickly about this being a time limited offer and no one being responsible for the content of this comment. Ever.]

Shannon said...

Zipcode, first you're going to have to send me that free Beamer you promised.

Thoughts, perhaps Mr Francis can help you!

Lacochran's secrets...hrm, THAT might be worth $25.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

what about Miss Cleo, call now to get your free psychic reading (in my best jamaican accent mon)

Shannon said...

Zip, she went bankrupt. Seems like she could have seen that one coming...

maryjanejeff said...

They've moved on to being the daughter of the head of state of Togo who died of a heart attack at 69 years of age. Or at least that's the one I got today.