Thursday, June 26, 2008

Super-Special Guest Post: Manscaping Edition


I'd briefly considered renaming this site Pimps n' Pubes, but as commenter Dave B. points out, y'all might think I'm a priest. Also, I don't want the dreaded Not Safe For Work designation. So, instead, I'm farming out my inappropriate content.

The sassy-but-classy Zipcode, aka Capitol Hill 20210, has kindly offered to share her views on manscaping.
So, have a good day, and Trim One for the Zipper! (I know, groan.)

Zipcode's Grooming Tips for Men

Ok boys, its your turn to clean up for us. We spend countless hours experiencing pain, spending money, and getting in some interesting positions at the waxer just so you have a nice view and a good time while you are down there! Granted I do this for myself not just for you.

So let's begin with the things that are important: nose hair, underarm hair, ear hair and your lucky charms.

You should invest in a really good Personal Trimmer - you can get them at Bed Bath and Beyond for a reasonable price - that will take care of the nose and ear hair issue.

Another good investment is a hair trimmer clipper device that comes with all those tools for you to trim things down per se. If you don't want to shave the forest above your lucky charms, then at least trim it. That tool is perfect for that because you can give it a nice buzz cut - haha. As for the charms two friends that hang right under - yeah get rid of that hair as well please. There are some products that will provide some smooth sailing (pun intended) - granted they are marketed for the females, there is no shame in buying these for yourself and they aren't even pink. I highly recommend Bikini Zone Topical Analgesic Creme, awesome stuff - helps with the bumps and ingrowns. Bikini Zone Anti Bumps Shave Gel - awesome stuff - makes for an easy shave. Also - there is the stuff called Coochi - yes I know nice name - you have to get it at an adult web store like Adam and Eve or maybe the local MVC has it I don't know - but that is the best stuff ever!!!!!

So, if you decide to take the waxing plunge guys for your lucky charms - I recommend 2 Ibuprofen 30 minutes before you go to the appointment. Yes, you should go to a salon and spa to get this done, not some 10 dollar no hollar wax place that may provide a happy ending - ha. The benefits of going to high end spa i.e. Red Door, Aveda, Sugar House - they really take care of you and not make it feel so impersonal. Don't be a perv or inappropriate at these places you will get kicked out. I worked a salon in college and I believe the military guys that came in to get their goods waxed expected a happy ending. Because the waxer kicked them out. Honestly, its not that bad - I think an eyebrow wax is more painful then a bikini wax - the brazillian, well thats a whole another story.

Programming Note: Due to offsite meetings, travel, and a generally glamourous existence, no post tomorrow. I'll be pretty much offline Fri-Sun, so be good while I'm gone. And if you can't be good, be happy.

350 comments:

1 – 200 of 350   Newer›   Newest»
freckledk said...

I'm a little afraid to see where the comments go with this one.

No Scream Cream and two Advil and hour before do the trick for me. It's not pleasant, but it's tolerable.

Gilahi said...

Gad. I don't even like to scrape my face every day.

Jamie said...

A wax?? Down there? Have you SEEN the 40 year old virgin?!? That shit was real! And that was just chest hair! I've seen less frightening snuff films.

Grooming, everywhere, I believe in. No argument there. But waxing? Don't girls out there still like the things about men that are, well, masculine? Like having a little bit of hair on our bodies? Or do you really want us to look just like androgynous, hairless versions of yourselves that happen to have different genitalia?

Shannon said...

FreckledK - I'm not just scared. I'm terrified.

Gilahi - I have NO IDEA how much upkeep Zipcode's methods would require. Maybe we can ask her?

Jamie - I personally have nothing against masculinity. Now, if I start envisioning Sasquatch, that's a problem.

Lemmonex said...

Waxing your charms?! Holy mother. I wouldn't know but that seems like some mighty sensitive skin. And lots of places for it to get trapped.

Manscape, yes. But I am ok if a dude doesn't wax his naughty bits for me.

Justin said...

How does one determine what's an appropriate level of trimming? I mean, I think I have a good sense, but this is all in my head. I'm nowhere near the risk of ingrown hairs, though.

On that note: waxing down there? Do you really want a pre-pubescent boy? (okay, the descended "charms" and hopefully decent girth probably help, but still)

Shannon said...

Lemmonex, I personally wouldn't do a wax-on-wax-off, so there's no way I'd expect a man to do it.

Justin...imagine, for a moment, you're the sort of man who wears a Speedo (though I truly hope you are not). If it would stick out of a Speedo, or cause unnecessary bulging (heh), trim it!

Shannon said...

I have been learning all sorts of stuff about the commentariat this week. I don't know whether that's good or bad.

Jamie said...

Shannon, I'm with you there. I think there's happy medium that can be achieved somewhere between the Crying Game/hairless cyclist look, and Chewbacca the Wookie. That hopefully doesn't involve any sack waxing.

By the way, I just noticed that we OWN DC blogs today. Respect!!

Shannon said...

Jamie, I think a good rule is: don't expect your partner to do any sort of grooming you yourself would not do. Expect to find a Brazilian at the end of the clothes-removal rainbow? Only if you'll pay a visit to one of Zipcode's waxers first!

Hey Pretty said...

I once hooked up with this guy who shaved his chest and was all prickly as a result. I think he thought it was hot and sexy. To me it was like getting it on with a 12 year old boy turned cactus. Ever since then my views on the issue of manscaping have been pretty anything goes. But then, I would never dream of dropping my precious limited funds to pay somebody to rip hair out of my bikini zone if a tube of nice shaving creme and a razor will also suffice. In general, I think that there are probably better uses for ones money than professional waxing services--and that goes for men and women. Unless you have lots of money to burn, but that's never been me.

As for the last line of that Programming Note...it sounds awfully familiar...

Shannon said...

HP - Indeed it does. It's Weird Coincidence Day at DSJ, as that's what my mom would always say to me and my girlfriends in high school when we were getting ready to go out.

Dave B. said...

I think it's safe to say that no sane person wants to be wading through the nether regions as if they're seeking out Dr. Livingston.

But I'm with Jamie. All this talk of waxing and other forms of abnormal male grooming makes me wonder where the line is being drawn these days.

Because believe me, I'm not going to be shaving my legs. Not for anyone. Ever. :P

freckledk said...

I *almost* hooked up with a male who waxed. But then I saw that he waxed, and all those warm tingles turned into shudders of revulsion. Not my thing. At all.

Just keep it clean, boys. That's enough.

Shannon said...

Dave...not even for a spot on my blogroll?

Frecks...warm tingles, waxing...heh.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

I just prefer it be kept clean - I was just adding options hahaha I just want it clean - like I said no one likes to look for the redwood in the forest

Ryane said...

Yeah, neat, clean and tidy is my motto. Personally, I don't like it when guys wax away everything. That's just creepy... But why has there been no mention of back hair? Sorry guys, but if that area resembles a rug...it really needs to be handled.

Shannon said...

Zipcode, or a sequioa in a shrubbery.

Ryane, yeah, the metrosexual thing has got to DIE. Seriously, if I wanted to date chicks, I'd be a lesbian.

Ibid said...

I need some specifics. I mean on the machinery. I have particularly tough hair. As a kid the stylist's scissors would slide when cutting my hair. My occasional venture into electric razors all end with them dying a month later in a puff of ozone as the motor burns out. I'm just now seeing the need for nose and ear hair trimmers.

Can you recommend specific makes and models of these various clippers? Something strong enough to trim up my goatee and my pubes?

Jamie said...

Holy crap, that's a lot of information. Maybe you SHOULD consider the hot wax. Or a hedge trimmer.

Shannon said...

I like that Jamie posted within 4 minutes of Ibid - dude, have you been here all day, waiting for posts? (I have too, so no need to be embarassed.)

Say, does anybody remember when this blog was classy?

Shannon said...

Also, Ibid, DO NOT USE THE SAME CLIPPER FOR YOUR BOY-BITS THAT YOU USE ON YOUR FACE.

No no no no no no no!

Jamie said...

Well, I'm not going to make any excuses. But I am in front of my email all day long. That's right, I'm a professional blog commenter! Well, not really, I'm a computer programmer. But sometimes it feels that way.

When was the last time this blog was classy? I hope that wasn't, er, about the same time I stumbled across it.

Shannon said...

Jamie, before your time, this place was Masterpiece Theatre-classy. We used to sit around sipping tea and listening to jazz.

Justin said...

Shannon,

No :)

Shannon said...

Fine. We used to drink beer and light farts. Happy now, Justin?

Justin said...

Oh, "this blog", not "this blog entry". Whoops :)

Shannon, I have Playboy on my coffee table and The Economist in my bathroom. It stems from the fact that I thought Playboy might be a good conversation piece, and people said if I put it in the bathroom, visitors might not be so forthcoming about discussing it. Thus, the coffee table spot.

I still feel like that's somewhat backwards, though.

Justin said...

I thought that before I subscribed, that is to say. Now that I've subscribed, of course, I see how useless it is.

I take that back. It's alright, but I don't think I'll be spending the money to renew.

My friend Danielle likes it, though. A lot.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

oh you guys crack me up - really

Shannon said...

Justin, most of the guys I know just snag the Victoria's Secret catalog. A girlfriend of mine calls it, "The Gentleman's Porn."

Shannon said...

Say, what was the original post about, again?

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

VS? bah thats not porn - if anyone beats off to that they need to be smacked. Man, you guys must think I am some type of dominatrix or porn viewing queen - not all all.
I am somewhat normal or am I? ha

Shannon said...

By the way, because I haven't said this today:

DANA, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

Justin said...

Shannon,

The thing about Playboy is that I didn't subscribe intending it to be a source of porn. Say what you like about the oft-repeated cliche "I bought it for the articles", but tell me you can't find cheaper porn faster and easier, probably even without the internet.

Now that I have seen that the articles, while interesting, aren't really worth it, I do not intend to resubscribe.

I'd love for the porn to effectively "subsidize" the articles, but this turns out not to be the case. In the ~9 pictorials or so I've seen over the first 3 months of my subscription, only one of the girls I've really found attractive. Some I've found downright unattractive.

Sorry to threadjack.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

ok but if a girl subscribes to playboy or is another topic lol

Shannon said...

Threadjacks are fine as long as everyone plays nice. I had all male roommates in college, so it's not like Playboy is a completely foreign concept.

Ibid said...

Victoria's Secret used to baffle me as a kid. Yeah, hot chicks and much better than the JC Penney's bra section, but where did they find all those nippleless women?

Keep in mind this was before Photoshop.

BatesHorn said...

I was wondering about this last night. Does anyone use Magazine based porn to knock one out anymore? I mean, the internet will feed even your most obscure fetish, free of charge, in moving, living color. The last time I was reading playboy, I thought the same thing as Justin: the pictorials were pretty boring and the articles were not as good as I remember. So I went online....

Regarding the thread: Trim yes. Waxing seems a bit much.

LivitLuvit said...

IMHO, the only place a razor should touch a man is his face and neck. Nothing is sadder than a shaved chest... I love running my fingers through the manliness that is chest hair. Waxing should definitely be employed for hairy backs and/or cracks. Everything else should be trimmed and clean! Keep it short enough that I can play freely ;-), but not gone...

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