Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Women Are Stupid. We Get It. Whatever.


OK, straight men of America, we get it. Sarah Jessica Parker isn’t pretty. She’s horse-faced, goat-faced, hatchet-faced, skinny-legged, flat-chested, pointy-elbowed, and all-out hideous. She screeches too much, she can’t act, she dresses like a high-dollar psychedelic freakshow, and you wouldn’t have sex with her if she wore a paper bag on her head and paid you to do it. Oh, and Matthew Broderick is totally gay.


Also, guys, we do understand that Sex and the City was the stupidest show ever. Unmarried women over 30 are pathetic ugly old maids, no matter how many fancy shoes they buy. Women's expectations went haywire, as they tried to mimic the lifestyle of cruising the clubs at 40 and buying stuff they couldn’t afford. The show is shorthand for all that’s “wrong” with the women of America.


The movie was dumb, but you sure as hell didn’t go, because you have no desire to commit cinematic castration. It’s dumb that women dressed up and went in groups. And the box-office take is a sign of the Apocalypse.


Really, dude, we get it. And nobody cares what you think. It has nothing to do with you (which may be what ticks you off so much). SATC is fun and silly and girly. And that’s why women like it. We don’t consider it a new code of feminism or a roadmap for life. If anything, we think it’s anti-feminist and too man-centric. The women of America aren’t taking things half as seriously as you are. And before you use Sex and the City as a rationale to demean women, let me point out that women are not behind the success of fantasy baseball, watching poker tournaments on TV, or the odiously unfunny Dane Cook.


So can we all please just get on with our lives?

PS – I didn’t see the movie last weekend, I totally would have if I hadn’t had visitors from out of town. I just can’t get over the idea that it’s OK to tear apart the physical appearance of a fellow human being. What did SJP ever do to deserve a whole website comparing her to various horses? I also think straight guys take that show WAY more seriously than the girls and the gays ever did. Lighten up, people.

37 comments:

Jamie said...

Ummm... ok... little defensive? Someone been giving you a hard time about SATC love? It's OK, we aren't going to judge you, we fully accept that SATC, Friends and Project Runway are as essential to the female psyche as video games and beer are to the male.

True - we sure as hell didn't go, but it has nothing to do with cinematic castration. I'd go see Priscilla Queen of the Desert dressed in drag if it was fun. We didn't go because we just don't give a crap.

P.S. Sarah Jessica Parker does look like a horse.

I have thoughts said...

I'm just pissed that horsehead overtook Indiana Jones at the box office. I love that old fucker!

Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shannon said...

I'll exempt Thoughts and Jamie because they may not have read the FAQ...but I have a "no personal insults" rule for comments. So any other neigh-sayer comments (heh) about SJP's appearance will get deleted.

I don't even like, or love, Sex and the City. I always found it kind of lame and not a lifestyle I'd ever want for myself.

I'm responding to very specific straight men who criticize SATC, because there's an anti-woman slant to it I find very uncomfortable. You can like silly things without being a stupid person.

Justin said...

I really liked the show, it was hilarious, I hunkered down every Sunday night and watched it religiously. That said, the movie seemed like a cheap way to make a few bucks and really, and it sounded seriously uninteresting. *That* said, I'm sure I'll see it eventually with friends, going more for the experience and fun times rather than the content of the actual movie itself. I'll keep an open mind, but SATC is so five years ago.

Jamie said...

It's your blog, so of course you can rein in the comments any way you like. I didn't mean to saddle your blog with bad vibes, but I stand by my comment so I canter-ase it.

Shannon said...

Justin, no wonder you hit on me in the comments threads - SATC conditioned you to go for chicks in their 30s.

Jamie, that was hilarious, all is forgiven. It's OK to trot out a few horse puns, but no ripping up someone's appearance.

I have thoughts said...

I was an equal opportunity ripper. I said SJP was horse-like and Harrison Ford was old...don't they cancel each other out?

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

Ok I confess I have seen the movie twice since it opened, I also confess that me and the girls I work with got all dressed up, got our tickets in advance and went to opening night and drank cosmos. I also confess I think SJP is cute - she has a great sense of style. Samantha is my favorite character and her one liners in the movie are awesome.

Smack me.

I-66 said...

I don't care either way about the show or the movie. I'm not going to see it, but I also don't fall into the target demographic.

That said, I have a question: What effect does the declarations of many individuals that they are "a [insert character name here]" have on how seriously you interpret the show to be taken by others?

I mean, is someone comparing themselves (or others) to a character on the show an indication that the show might be taken more seriously than you think? That's not to say that everyone who watches compares themselves and others, but for those that do does that put them on another level?

Shannon said...

Thoughts, point taken. In either case, I don't like ripping people for things they have no control over.

Zipcode, wow. You do realize this means no one will ever take you seriously, ever again? But no way would I smack you, you'd shoot me.

Shannon said...

I-66, good question. What cracks me up is that people are almost always "a Carrie." Yeah, that's insightful!

As with any pop culture phenom, some people are going to take things too far. But what's interesting about SATC is that the backlash is way more harsh than the situation truly merits.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

No one takes me seriously anyway, look at my insane post about Guitar Hero today, I think its because I have been trapped in San Francisco going on my 4th week and I have one week to go. I need to come home...........

I plea insanity........

lemmonex said...

It is a movie about friendship with pretty clothes.

I found it a bit of a frilly escape, but a lot like screwing an ex: you realize it ended for a reason, that you have changed and it is hollow.

Shannon said...

Zipcode, you be just as silly as you want.

Lemmonex, maybe that's where some of the straight male backlash comes in -- female friendship can seem awful strange to outsiders. I thought the show's finale was note-perfect, so I never really got why they made a movie. Oh, I do get it - money.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

I do think though the male nude scene could a been a better looking shlong lol

Shannon said...

Is that the correct spelling of shlong? I always thought it was "schlong." Anybody know?

Wow, this joint is classy.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Don't defend SATC by bringing up fantasy baseball...two wrongs don't make a right.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

lol potato/potatoe - sorry too much caffeine this morning - I will refrain from anymore male parts talk haha

Ibid said...

SJP is only horse faced when talking about the overly picky standards that apply to models and actresses. Most guys would be lucky to have a SO that looks like her.
That said, she doesn't do it for me. The dark haired chick on the other hand...

I also reject baseball, poker on TV, Dane Cook, American beer, and most other "guy" stuff. Now let me talk to you for a minute about Doctor Who.

Shannon said...

Ninja, we all have tacky things we love. Now, could someone please explain the appeal of fantasy sports?

Zipcode, on this blog, we like good-spirited bad taste. Schlongwards! Or, shlongwards!

Ibid, Earthshock is on my Netflix queue. I'm already laying in extra Kleenex for the silent credits, over Adric's shattered Award for Mathematical Excellence. So sad.

...hello, anyone still here?

restaurantrefugee said...

The level of intolerence for things about which one professes always amazed me too.

Velvet said...

If anything, we think it’s anti-feminist and too man-centric.

Oh I love you. You couldn't be more dead on with that statement and this entire post. Great job.

Shannon said...

Refugee, backatcha.

Velvet, thanks! I think we've discussed this before...the women of SATC put way too much stock in their relationships with men and in being attractive. My theory is that you're more appealing to men if you aren't so obsessed with appearances (while taking pride in your appearance).

freckledk said...

It's just a TV show, and now it's just a movie. Entertainment doesn't always have to have a firm grasp on reality. If it did, Heroes and Lost wouldn't be as popular as they are.

I watched every episode, and enjoyed them all. I didn't walk around in the real world afterwards, wondering "What would Carrie do?" I recognized it for what it was: a television show.

restaurantrefugee said...

typing too fast, what i meant to say was...
The level of intolerence for things about which one professes not to care always amazed me too.

but I am guessing you gathered my intent.

Shannon said...

Frecks, I personally base all of my decisions on a Miranda-Charlotte-Carrie-Samantha continuum. Really, it's the only wise choice.

Refugee, indeed. I never quite got why people take the tastes of others so personally. So jazz makes me want to weep with boredom and I think Slim Jims are the tastiest snack in the universe. That has nothing to do with anyone else, and it doesn't make me a bad person.

Tina said...

I think guys (and critics who are also mostly guys) have been so harsh on SATC because it is about women, written for women, starring women - they feel ignored. Oh - AND it beat Indy at the box office.

Ibid said...

Not that any of the other comments care but I know Shannon will

Steven Moffat is taking over as Executive Producer when Russell T Davies leaves at the end of this season. Moffat has done all the good "hide behind the couch" episodes including the WWII kid in a gas mask episodes, "The Girl in the Fireplace" with the clockwork robots, the horrifying "Blink" episode with the crying angels, and was the creator and sole writer for the British (read: good) version of Coupling.

Moffat is already trying to get Neil Gaiman as a writer for season 5 which airs in 2010.

Shannon said...

Tina, I agree. The guys who hate on SATC the most also seem the most easily threatened/can't bear to lose attention.

Ibid, I haven't actually watched any of the new episodes - my knowledge cuts out at Sylvester McCoy and Ace. Greatest Show in the Galaxy - the classic with the Killer Kites.

Ibid said...

WHAT! The new stuff is brilliant. Tom Baker is my Doctor. Partially, I'm sure, because Douglas Adams was on the team back then. But the new guys write as well as the best days of the original AND have a budget that covers more than tea.

You'll have to borrow mine when I get them back.

KassyK said...

Great post...I could not agree more. Its so strange to hear men bitching (not all men) about how the show is evil.

Have these guys even SEEN the show? Its about friendship and relationships...and yes...more than not...its WAY more about their frienships...but these women LOVE men!!

Charlotte alone epitomizes the ultimate ideal all these haters claim to WANT.

Umm...she is a main cast member....

Does Charlotte get no love?

Just sayin.

Again, great post.

Shannon said...

Ibid, do I smell a Doctor Who Blogger Meetup?

Kass, thanks! The guys who bitch about the show claim it warped women's "expectations." Four years after it ended, and I still have no clue what that means.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to come late to this thread. Just wanted to say that I found SATC so depressing that I could hardly ever watch it. To someone who belongs to the same age group as the SATC characters, it has an undertone of sadness that hardly makes it an advertisement for the lifestyle it represents. It's hard to see how anyone could interpret it as an affirmation of the Single Life for women. Not feminist, in other words, and not "conservative" either, though its underlying melancholy may contain a grain of truth.

alias clio

Shannon said...

Clio! Hi! Good to see you.

I think it's one of those shows where your own experiences really color how you perceive it - the people who glorify the program are most often young women who haven't spent a Saturday night doing laundry.

In the end, I think the show is about female friendship, rather than about glorifying singlehood.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I think you're right and that SATC is about female friendship more than anything else. I suppose my point was that it shows more subtlety and is more (sympathetically) critical of the women's lives and decisions than it appears to be on the surface.

clio

Anonymous said...

It is a show really written with the help of male homosexual authors and women who never had a satisfying relation with men. They still see "men" as the others, the mysterious enemy, to conquer, or imitate, or use, or love but struggle with etc. etc. There isn't one once of the real world experience only the mature exponent of both gender reach. It's a sad show, pathetically aimed at the American audience who for the first time in history is allowed to talk and look at sex on regular tv, as opposed to Europeans who are bored by it as they grew with such discussions, nothing to be scandalized.
The depth of the show is a la par with the infinitely repeating cosmopolitan cover blurb on 101 ways to spice up your sex life or how to lose 15 pounds in 5 days. Pathetic. And so misleading for simple minds.
It's not an innocent effort; it is manipulatively stupid.
And while I never judge physical appearance of people, of course, me too, I wouldn't get close to any of those 4 weird things, maybe the blond, if bored that night.