I hate snow.
Not because it's slippery and wet and annoying. But because once even a single snowflake appears in the sky, there's an explosion of self-righteous "DC people turn into idiots when it snows!" tirades. Apparently we're a bunch of road-raging Chicken Littles with no sense whatsoever. These rants outweigh actual snow hysteria by two to one*. And nine times out of ten*, the complainer compares our winter behavior to that of a city much further north (most often, Boston) or in the Midwest.
Newsflash: this is our town. If you're gonna pull your carpetbag on down to Washington, the city that embodies the best and worst of both Mason and Dixon, go with the flow.
Of course we freak out when it snows. We raid grocery stores and clean them out of toilet paper, then fall down at least twice in the parking lot. After that, we drive our fancy SUVs at glacial speed, skidding to and fro and demolishing mailboxes. Then the whole city shuts down for a week.
If you complain about this, it's because you aren't in on the joke. Washingtonians are a pack of overworked pranksters, and we figured out years ago that sufficient snow hysteria will get us the day off. Next time, play along!
* All statistics completely fictional and property of Shannon's imagination.
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