Wednesday, July 23, 2008

My Failed Attempt at Introversion


After an Alabama state fair defective rollercoaster of a fortnight, I was feeling drained and sick to death of everybody. That includes you, and you, and most especially YOU. So I put out the word:

Shannon is Staying In on Friday! (This was announced in a sort of breathless, "Film at 11!" mode.) Please hold all calls, emails, text messages, Facebook wall posts, and drunken pleas to come out and have some fun. I will not be cruise directing, mother-henning, social chair-ing, or anything of my usual sort. I am Staying In.

I get pretty uptight about relaxation, apparently.

The Evening at Home went a little like this:

6:15: Arrive at my shoebox apartment and lay out my carefully selected provisions: Slim Jims, queso dip, chips, Dr. Pepper, SourPatch Kids, and an episode of old school Doctor Who.
6:30: I am going to sit here. I am going to sit very, very still and relax. I’m really, really good at relaxing. I can totally pull this off.

7:00: I know! I’ll do all my laundry! Just think how great it will be to get all my chores done so I can relax all the rest of the weekend!

7:15: Wow, the laundry room is really crowded. I need to live in a cooler neighborhood. I bet if I lived in Columbia Heights, the laundry room would be empty. Because my neighbors would be out either cruising the hipster bars or knifing each other. And then I’d have the laundry room all to myself.

8:30: Laundry’s done, which means I can cross one of tomorrow’s errands off the list. (#3: “Buy underwear and socks.”)

8:35: Anybody online?
8:37: Anybody online?

8:45: Just me? OK, then, I can totally entertain myself.

9:00: OK, it’s time to sit down to the best Doctor Who episode ever: Earthshock! It never stops being funny. So, like, there are these tinfoil dudes, the Cybermen, who are assisted by these latex android dudes, and then, like, all these people die, and then this really annoying character Adric crashes a freighter into the Earth and kills all the dinosaurs. Then, to mourn the tragic death of Adric and all those hapless dinosaurs, the credits run silently over his shattered golden Award for Mathematical Excellence.

10:45: Wow, I bet if I blog about Doctor Who, only Ibid will get the whole way to the end of the post.

11:00: OK, I am now completely and officially bored. And this is really the worst stomachache I’ve ever had. Had I forgotten my rule? “Slim Jims or Queso, Never Both.”
11:15: I’ve exhausted my entertainment options, so I’m off to bed. But not before the following decision:

Friends, if I ever say I am Staying In on a weekend evening, laugh at me. Then make me go do something, because, wow, Friday’s attempt at relaxing totally stressed me out.

31 comments:

Kevin said...

That's a really, really disturbing picture Shannon. Not of what you did (or didn't) do Friday night, but of that couple in flannel pjs. It's like they're staring. Right. At. Me!

Creepy.

Shannon said...

Kevin - and if you get up out of your chair, their eyes follow you EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

Michael J. West said...

I thought the best ever Doctor Who episode was "The Greatest Show in the Galaxy."

Shannon said...

Michael - killer kites are awesome, but can't hold a candle to killing the dinosaurs.

Jamie said...

EXTERMINATE!!

Shannon said...

Jamie, do not confuse the Daleks with the Cybermen. Cybermen are an ancient race of really skinny nomadic aliens with robot shells, who have lots of dreary monologues about how they don't have feelings. They are best defeated by gold dust. Daleks yell "EXTERMINATE" and are handily defeated by a flight of stairs.

Jamie said...

Oh, I would never confuse the two. It was just a general Doctor Who rallying cry. You must be behind the times, though. The Daleks can fly now.

Ibid said...

Those Cybermen are extinct. There's a whole new breed from a (sigh) parallel dimension. Davies did a good job with the new show but he made some decisions I question.

"Robot" is probably my favorite old series episode.
"Blink" is the best of the new.

You couldn't help but want to smack Adric.

LivitLuvit said...

I don't think you can force the Friday night stay-in... I think it has to happen of its own accord, either because you crash for an after-work nap and sleep too late, or because you get so drunk at HH you pass out at 9pm.

Shannon said...

Jamie - Daleks can FLY? Next you'll tell me that man has walked on the Moon.

Ibid - I sort of felt sorry for Adric - btw, have you seen the Episode 5 Special Feature on the Earthshock DVD?

LivitLuvit - Yeah, you're probably right. I usually have to go straight out from work, or there's a Sofa Vortex that sucks me in and keeps me home.

Ibid said...

Nope. I haven't bought many of the old episodes. I just try to stay up until midnight and watch them on PBS.

I do have one episode where the Doctor crawls around the outside of a spaceship and when he's climbing in a hatch you can see a hand helping him with the door.

Shannon said...

I like the episode where he runs down the same hallway a dozen times, each time pretending it's a new hallway. Oh, wait, that was EVERY episode.

Ibid said...

And the one in the rock quarry.

Shannon said...

And the one filmed on location in a vacant lot.

Marissa said...

Hmm...I usually don't start knifing, or shiving, if you will, till around 11 p.m. at the earliest.

Shannon said...

Marissa - You cool Columbia Heights kids, always fashionably late with the clubbing and the knifing and the loud rock music!

[F]oxymoron said...

You should probably add this to your "Rules for Living" ... Dr. Who, Huh? :)

Michael said...

Dr. Who? Weren't they at Woodstock? You know, "My Generation," "Magic Bus," "Pinball wizard." I like it all.

Shannon said...

Foxy, Michael, Doctor Who is the secret handshake of the differently cooled (aka, nerds).

[F]oxymoron said...

... does this handshake refer to the new bling, bling version of Dr. Who, C-walk and all, or the original run?

Shannon said...

Foxy - Original gangsta, styrofoam boulder, tin can alien Doctor Who. I've never seen the new version, and I imagine it would erase all my happy childhood memories.

Jamie said...

I think they actually pulled off the new one pretty well. The special effects are better, of course, which makes it more watchable. And the writing is generally better, if occasionally a bit too schmaltzy.

But it's every bit as campy as the original. David Tenet is great as the Doctor, too. The Daleks and the Cybermen look (and sound) exactly the same as they did 30 years ago... I think you'll find that the memories have been well preserved.

Shannon said...

Jamie, I have to have my camp. And my polyester uniforms and Tegan of Brisbane and that episode where all they do is play cricket for 45 minutes. I like my Doctors cheap and boring.

maryjanejeff said...

I guess I am very uncool. I have no idea what any of you are talking about. Other than I spend way too many nights not out and about. But I'm also bad at relaxing. So if I have no plans, or have plans early the next morning and don't go out the night before so I won't fug them up, I try to make myself go to sleep early. Ah, life in notreallycitybutnotreallysuburbiaeither. Maybe I should go to Old Town Saturday night.

maryjanejeff said...
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[F]oxymoron said...

Shannon - Word.

But if I'm gonna let the nerd outta the bag, I'm gonna have to throw down Stargate

Shannon said...

Foxy, let your geek flag fly!

Ibid said...

A free Dr Who novel
http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/classic/index.shtml

And webcasts
http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/classic/webcasts/index.shtml
If nothing else watch "Shada". It was written for Tom Baker by Douglas Adams but never aired.

BatesHorn said...

I find the best not going out Friday's happen by accident: Go home with intention of going back out, put on Deadliest Catch, four hours later, can't be bothered and I get a good night of sleep. Trying to relax is more tiring than going out.

Shannon said...

Ibid - you know, I never really got into Tom Baker as the Doctor. Too gimmicky with the scarf and the jellybabies and so on.

Bates - I'll try that next time, minus the Deadliest Catch.

FatManAfterDark said...

Earthshock is a great story because Adric buys the farm at the end. I was forwarded a link to this blog because I am a Whovian of the first order so continue writing about the great Time Lord and I promise you will have a reader for life!