After an Alabama state fair defective rollercoaster of a fortnight, I was feeling drained and sick to death of everybody. That includes you, and you, and most especially YOU. So I put out the word:
Shannon is Staying In on Friday! (This was announced in a sort of breathless, "Film at 11!" mode.) Please hold all calls, emails, text messages, Facebook wall posts, and drunken pleas to come out and have some fun. I will not be cruise directing, mother-henning, social chair-ing, or anything of my usual sort. I am Staying In.
I get pretty uptight about relaxation, apparently.
The Evening at Home went a little like this:
6:15: Arrive at my shoebox apartment and lay out my carefully selected provisions: Slim Jims, queso dip, chips, Dr. Pepper, SourPatch Kids, and an episode of old school Doctor Who.
6:30: I am going to sit here. I am going to sit very, very still and relax. I’m really, really good at relaxing. I can totally pull this off.
7:00: I know! I’ll do all my laundry! Just think how great it will be to get all my chores done so I can relax all the rest of the weekend!
7:15: Wow, the laundry room is really crowded. I need to live in a cooler neighborhood. I bet if I lived in Columbia Heights, the laundry room would be empty. Because my neighbors would be out either cruising the hipster bars or knifing each other. And then I’d have the laundry room all to myself.
8:30: Laundry’s done, which means I can cross one of tomorrow’s errands off the list. (#3: “Buy underwear and socks.”)
8:35: Anybody online?
8:37: Anybody online?
8:45: Just me? OK, then, I can totally entertain myself.
9:00: OK, it’s time to sit down to the best Doctor Who episode ever: Earthshock! It never stops being funny. So, like, there are these tinfoil dudes, the Cybermen, who are assisted by these latex android dudes, and then, like, all these people die, and then this really annoying character Adric crashes a freighter into the Earth and kills all the dinosaurs. Then, to mourn the tragic death of Adric and all those hapless dinosaurs, the credits run silently over his shattered golden Award for Mathematical Excellence.
10:45: Wow, I bet if I blog about Doctor Who, only Ibid will get the whole way to the end of the post.
11:00: OK, I am now completely and officially bored. And this is really the worst stomachache I’ve ever had. Had I forgotten my rule? “Slim Jims or Queso, Never Both.”
11:15: I’ve exhausted my entertainment options, so I’m off to bed. But not before the following decision:
Friends, if I ever say I am Staying In on a weekend evening, laugh at me. Then make me go do something, because, wow, Friday’s attempt at relaxing totally stressed me out.