Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Five Things I No Longer Care About
1. Celebrity pregnancies. The stupid things that they name their kids. Professional analysis of the stupid things they name their kids. The fact there are people out there who professionally analyze baby names. The Internet's belly fetish. See 15 Photos of Angelina's Baby Bump! (Seriously, that was a headline today.)
2. Spoiled affluent white teenagers who are over-scheduled and stressed-out. Articles about spoiled white affluent teenagers. Articles about parents of spoiled affluent white teenagers for whom worrying about their brood is yet another wrinkle in the Shar-pei of modern suburban narcissism.
3. Chandra Levy. Outrageously masturbatory and manipulative 12-part newspaper series about Chandra Levy, or, for that matter, media coverage of missing white girls in general.
4. Therapy. Epiphanies. Feelings. Thoughts. Ideas. Nurturing. The inner child, as the outer child ought to take precedence. Preying on insecurity. My evil targeted Facebook ads, which mostly feature diamond rings, beefy men, get-rich-quick schemes, and exhortations that I'm looking a bit puffy in my profile photo. When the most flattering ad speculates that I may not have a higher IQ than professional dim bulb Jen Aniston, it's time to just give up.
5. Blog-cations. I'm back, y'all.