Friday, March 21, 2008

Craigslist: The Odds Are Good, the Goods Are Odd



No doubt, dating is a raw deal for everyone. But, in the approach stage, it’s primarily a raw deal for men. That's because approach is, fairly or no, the province of guys.

I’ve seen successful and unsuccessful approaches over the years. Generally speaking, I dig direct and funny. “Nice shoes, wanna screw?” at the very least will get you a laugh. Asking to see my hands, asking my opinion about celebrities, or other common Gamester tricks will get you nowhere. Hovering in my presence and hoping I’ll notice you is just going to give me the creeps.

The bar scene is no different than Internet dating. Craigslist is like that dirty, stanky meat market bar that occasionally turns up some real gems.

If you’re a woman and you post a personal ad, your inbox will fill up in 20 seconds flat with treatises of love, friendly hellos from nice guys, and a few weenie photos. Your odds of meeting a man are good, then again, the goods are odd. Much like the bar scene, many guys completely lock up on the approach and make fools of themselves. They're most likely to go hopelessly off the rails within the first sentence.

For your Friday enjoyment, here are some introductory sentence gems from my Craigslist date-a-thon player phase (about a year ago):


......i am starting to think that its hard to find and trust someone on here.....i guess words are meaningless.......the word love just stays a word and don,t really mean anything........just a meaningless word......


It’s like poetry. Lord Byron! Byron by way of Borat, that is.


I'm a 28 year old Ivy League professional working as a lobbyist in town... and have found it difficult to find a truly substantive and fun relationship in DC.


Possibly because you tell women right off the bat that you’re an Ivy League lobbyist? Also, please don’t use corporate killspeak like “substantive” in a pickup. His whole sentence reads like a cover letter for a job at the Shannon Corporation.


I Thought That I'd send You A small Response To Your Message ... :-)


And I Thought It would Be Best To Not Reply.

Yes, I was in a long relationship, 7 years. Don't worry, I'm over her. That was about 7 months ago.


Yeah, take THAT, ex-girlfriend! I’m movin’ on! By mentioning you as quickly as humanly possible!

PS – I am aware that I’m a deeply flawed woman, not all that, not representative of women everywhere, etc. Let it go, have a laugh.

8 comments:

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

Craigslist is a scary place - lots of married men posting on there.

lemmonex said...

Oh, the fav one is the Ivy League guy. Men who went to the Ivy's think this can compensate for lack of personality, class, and humor.

Shannon said...

20210 - I make a point of checking for wedding ring tan lines on a first date - does that make me a cynic?

lemmonex, I almost went on the date just for the absurdity of it all. The full email really did read like a cover letter.

Justin said...

I met an ex through craigslist.
She was pretty cool.
Bit of a loner, though. Also a bit heartless. But it worked for us, for awhile.

She was also using me for my body, to a large extent.

But it worked for us, for awhile :)

Marissa said...

The picture you chose to go along with this post is perfect. Giggity!

Shannon said...

Justin, I'd like to see a breakdown, percentages, standard deviations, etc. so we know exactly to what extent you were being used for your body.

Marissa, giggity right back atcha.

Kristen S. said...

Man, memories. I used to have so much fun placing ads in the City paper (brag - Ad of the Week twice!).

Once I asked where all the lumberjacks were, and I got a call from an actual lumberjack! Didn't meet him - he sounded creepy.

And then there was the man who got the impression that I was some kind of earth mother love goddess and wrote me a 5 page letter about how he has been looking for an earth mother love goddess all his life. He enclosed the letter with about 6 or 7 John Denver vinyls and sent it to me c/o the City Paper. I mean, I do like John Denver, but dayum.

Marnina said...

Great work.