Thursday, January 31, 2008

...And Now I'm Scared of Condoms

Holy cow.

Watch it. Watch it again.

I have never seen something so creepy. It's like men are supposed to wrap their chubbies in Teletubbies. I'm going to abandon the safe sex, pro-condom stance of years past. No longer will I rail against CVS for locking up condoms, nor will I counsel recent college grads to buy them in bulk.

Condoms are a menace. Any day now, they will burst forth from our nightstand drawers and medicine cabinets. They will tear through the wallets of teenage boys, and sing and dance their way to a new world order in which condoms rule the Earth and humanity is forced to live as Morlocks in sewers and subway systems. Or a small group of us will live in the Colorado mountains and stage guerrila attacks against the Durex Army, a sort of Purple Dawn.

I'll take the unplanned pregnancies and astronomical STD rates as fair exchange for freedom from giant pink nubby singing condoms roaming our streets, singing about their assorted fragrances and colors.

And as for the backup dancers. They're spineless collaborators in the coming Condom Revolution. When humanity reasserts its dominance, I fully expect we'll try them for treason.

So, all of you, save the planet. Destroy the condoms while we still have a chance!

1 comment:

Domo El Mono Loco said...

thank you for showing me this video....all those sex ed courses in school did nothing for me, but there is something about Indian Dancing and Singing condoms that changes my whole perspective!