With Bush in Office, EVERY Day is a Turkey Day

The expression "Turkey Day" sets my teeth on edge. It's almost as bad as the people who use the abbreviation "Xmas." ("Xmas" sounds like porno to me.) I understand it's hard to come up with synonyms for "Thanksgiving", because there aren't any. But "Turkey Day" is so cutesy and pat and dorky that it makes me want to hurt people.

So let's come up with some new synonyms for Thanksgiving. How about:

• Feel Happy About Your Inadequacies and Failures Day
• Colonial Imperialistic Celebration Day
• Any Excuse for a Four-Day Weekend Day
• 5,000 Calories in a Single Sitting Day
• Reinforcement of Gender Roles Day
• Traffic Mayhem Day

Now, all of those are longer than "Turkey Day." But you have to admit they're more colorful and way less annoying.