So let's come up with some new synonyms for Thanksgiving. How about:
- Feel Happy About Your Inadequacies and Failures Day
- Colonial Imperialistic Celebration Day
- Any Excuse for a Four-Day Weekend Day
- 5,000 Calories in a Single Sitting Day
- Reinforcement of Gender Roles Day
- Traffic Mayhem Day
Now, all of those are longer than "Turkey Day." But you have to admit they're more colorful and way less annoying.