Marshmallow Fluff Girl Seeks Imaginary Man

I spent yesterday bashing Washington men for being totally boring and predictable. But fair is fair, so I decided to have some fun with the woman-for-man ads on Craigslist. Namely, I ran searches of personal ad clichés and totaled them up.

The winner? An astounding 24 Craigslist babes are seeking a “real man.” As opposed to an imaginary one? And 24 declare that they are a “real woman,” again, as opposed to an imaginary one. The clichés roll on. Nine women are “well-traveled,” fourteen are “spontaneous” and three appreciate “good wine and food.” Craigslist offers only four women “of substance,” so I presume the others are all constructed of marshmallow fluff and Popsicle sticks. And only four of these women have “standards,” which makes me very concerned for the rest. Perhaps the ladies with no standards should all date the guy who posts every day looking for BBWs he can erotically massage. And only three women are “emotionally secure,” so I suppose the rest spend their days sobbing about how Daddy did them wrong.

And then we’ve got the women whose posts are a litany of complaints. One is “in search of a white knight,” six are sick of “players,” and a whopping 14 don’t “play games.” I’m not sure what sort of man these women are hoping to attract, I just know what they DON'T want. I think maybe the endless negativity is their way of not meeting any men at all. Then it’s easy to say that all men are players who play games, unless they’re the white knight on the chessboard. Better to curse the darkness than take the risk of getting hurt.

So, guys, I’m sorry. No wonder you’re all the same and bore me to tears. We’ve created a situation where the dullest common denominator gets the girl.