Barney, Mickey Mouse, and Smokey the Bear all dress outlandishly, lack peer friendships and exclusively surround themselves with small children. But instead of confining them to Neverland Ranch where they belong (what, too soon?), we allow them to roam the streets of America in an endless string of media events and photo opportunities.
The lone mascot that I have always respected is McGruff the Crime Dog. Not only because he wears clothes (a classic and stylish trench), but because he teaches kids to be safe and not climb into any strange refrigerated trucks. So I got a little thrill when I encountered McGruff in Chinablock on Saturday.
Then the sickest little part of my brain took over. Wouldn't it have been awesome if he'd handed out candy, then, when the kids took it, had chastised them for accepting candy from a stranger? Or, even better, what if he wore a trench because he was some sort of canine flasher?
In the comments, tell me if you think I'm a closeted furry.