Friday, August 14, 2009

Mantras for an Unusually Crabby Friday

My favorite law of living is very simple:

The Problem Is You

It's right up there with, "Don't trust anyone with a misspelled tattoo." Truth is, there are a lot of bad people, bad situations, and just plain badness in the world. But YOU are the unifying factor in all that you encounter.

If you go through a dozen jobs in a dozen months, it's not because your bosses are horrible people who spurn your dreams of advancement. It's because you need to get yourself together and do an honest day's work.

If you cut ties with a dozen friends, only to alienate a dozen more, it's not because they're toxic or graceless or ungrateful. It's because you have a lot to learn about friendship.

If you go on a dozen dates in a dozen days, and all of them end with your companion of the evening crawling out of the washroom window, it's not because your city is full of undatable, unlovable crazies. It's because you are turning them off somehow. Go up to your most honest friend, and ask, "Why am I single?"*

Remember: You are the unifying factor in all that you encounter.

In the comments, bitch about anyone who lacks personal responsibility. Or, just bitch. I'll listen.

*One of these days I'm going to start a blog called "Why Am I Single?" I'll ask people to send in their romantic histories, and I'll tell them exactly why they're single. It'll be a kick. Once I sift through all the tears and death threats, that is.


Brett said...

All I can say is... Amen. I think a lot of people are single because they sit around and whine about being single. Either join a matchmaking service or get to like spending time with yourself!

Can I help you write that blog by the way? Would it be too mean to write things like, "because you are a black hole of emotion" or "spending dinner with you is about as fun as a colonoscopy?"

Shannon said...

Beett - That would be exactly the point! Tough love. We could have a committee respond with a list of reasons.

Just A Girl said...

Right. I know I'm insane. Ok, not really, but I don't particularly like talking about my feelings. I'll tell someone I care about them, but thinking about how I feel about myself? Not so much. I also put up with guys walking all over me because I'm insecure and/or too nice sometimes.

I don't wonder why I'm single...

lacochran said...

As usual, you are spot on. It cheers me to see such honesty.

Can we add in the people that don't take responsibility for their finances? "I think I didn't get, like, one bill so of course I didn't pay it and now they're harassing and threatening me. They're total freaks." Um, no. That's not how it works.

Anonymous said...

LOVE this.

Hey Pretty said...

Yes, people should own up to their faults and mistakes. But...what makes other fit to judge or evaluate such flaws or mistakes?

Tina said...

you are a Dr. Phil fan aren't you?

Shannon said...

lacochran - I paid my bookie five minutes late and these dudes broke my legs, so I totally understand.

imgonnabreakyourheart - Thanks!

HP - Good question. I think it comes down to this: if one person thinks you're a jerk, it's probably just one of those oil and water things. If you repeatedly get told that you're a jerk, it's because you're probably a jerk.

Tina - Never seen a single episode, actually.

restaurant refugee said...

I always thought that the reason children run screaming from my presence was because their parents raised undisciplined brats who didn't have a stomach for bourbon... are you telling me that I'm the problem?

Dmbosstone said...

I agree with this somewhat- I do believe that you hold a lot of power in how your life plays out.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I "had" a friend that would complain about her husband's girlfriend. Yes, you read that right. I cut that person loose on the grounds of being too stupid to be associated with.

Keith said...

"Dude, I "had" a friend that would complain about her husband's girlfriend."

Okay, I'll bite.

So were the complaints like:

"My husband's girlfriend has terrible fashion sense."

"My husband's girlfriend thinks that White Zinfandel is actually wine."

"On movie night, my husband's girlfriend always brings over some lame chick flick."

That kind of thing?

Me, if my wife complains about my girlfriend, I just tell her to go pick me out a better one.

bh said...

The comments are almost as good as the post.

After year's of people telling me I was loud, I finally accepted the truth. YA HEAR ME NOW????

Also, I gotta know the girlfriend/wife story as well....

Jeff said...

It's definitely me. It's mostly something I say in a humorous way that goes awry though. I like to think my ideal woman will find those things to be hilarious.

HP said...

There is no excuse for a husband's girl friend to have poor fashion sense.

Alice said...

i love this post. and these comments are AWESOME.

one of my exes kept "falling victim" to "bad work situations," none of which were his fault. i'm sure it also wasn't his fault when i broke up with him ;-)

Shannon said...

Refugee - don't worry, I'll raise my hypothetical kids on bourbon just so's they'll play with you!

Dmbosstone - I'm a big believer in taking care of whatever's in your power, and being as optimistic as you can about the rest.

jp - Dude, that is fabulous.

Keith - I've told my boyfriend many rules, but the chief one is, "If you're going to cheat on me, at least don't cheat on me with somebody tacky."

bh - You're loud? REALLY? I can't hear you over your deafening speech patterns...

HP - Mistresses should always be the height of fashion.

Alice - Thanks! I love that I can be sick for a few days and the commenters can just run the show without me.