Friday, April 25, 2008

What Shannon Did on Her Spring Blog-cation

Sorry for the unannounced hiatus. Instead of making a big deal over the fact that I was taking time off, I decided to just go away and see if anyone missed me. You didn't miss me at all, did you? Not even a bit? Thanks, guys. Nice to know I'm such an essential part of your daily existence.

As punishment for not missing me, I'm going to tell you a bunch of really boring stuff about my life. Things are amazingly awesome and busy right now. I started a new job Wednesday.

I took Monday and Tuesday off to clean my apartment and redo the bathroom. Two straight days of cleaning? Whee! And, after a year of not being able to buy stuff, go anywhere, or do anything, I've been indulging in a few lifestyle upgrades. My new cellphone, which in no way resembles a brick, log, or outhouse. A shelf system. My classy new penguins-in-sunglasses bathroom scheme. Buying out West Elm's stock of my (discontinued!) stemwear. A happy little journey to the Clinique counter (it's free bonus time at Macy's).

And, best of all, my bangs have finally grown back!

I've also been filling in various forms for my new job, most of which involve the pull-the-plug, slice-the-pie aspect of Death. This has created some heartfelt discussions with my sister:

Me: So, you're the beneficiary on my life insurance.

Skye: Cool, how much do I get?

Me: 15 grand.

Skye: That's it? You're worth more alive than dead? I can't even bury you for that.

Me: I know! Just get some Hefty bags and dump me in a river.

Skye: Then I can use the rest of the money for a party.

Me: Or you can give me a Viking funeral. Put me in a boat, set me on fire.

Skye: I can't buy a boat for $15K!

Me: Just a little dinghy, for, like 500 bucks.

Skye: Are dinghies flammable? They're metal. I bet it would cost me a fortune in lighter fluid.

Me: Fine, we'll go back to the original plan: Hefty bags and a swift-flowing river.

Skye: Cool.

Note: Skye's life insurance is way better than mine, and I get double the money if she bites it on the job. So is anybody up for some office booby-trapping?


lemmonex said...

I plan on spending the whole weekend cleaning. I looked for my sunglasses for 15 minutes this morning...time to tidy thigns up.

And I missed you! For real.

Anonymous said...

I cared that you weren't around!!!! I posted on my blog about turning 30 and I was waiting for you to say something witty to make me feel better....but you never came. *SNIFF* *SNIFF*

Mike said...

For the record, I heaved a sigh of despair every time I checked your blog from last Saturday until this morning. If I had a therapist, I probably would have booked an extra session or two.

Tina said...

I missed you too. Not as much as Mike but only because I was on my own blog hiatus for most of the time you were MIA. Welcome back!

Shannon said...

Aw, thanks guys. It's good to be missed. I don't know whether I need a hug or a restraining order.

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