Monday, April 14, 2008

Crazy Sex-Starved Women!!!!

If that headline doesn't goose my site stats, nothing will.

A lot of people waste a lot of time complaining about dating in DC. The bar scene is lame, everyone's snotty or dorky or a headcase, or just plain not good enough. Well, all of you, shut up. Your bluff has been called.

Because the most bizarre, awful, soul-killing date I have ever heard of happened nowhere near here. Tale courtesy of a newly single friend who joined

So, we met at this [redacted] for appetizers and drinks.

She started telling me about how she separated 6 months ago and wasn't being satisfied enough but joined some adult website and had met and slept with about 10 guys in the past 3 months. (Editor's note: SCORE! Also, I'll take Craigslist Casual Encounters for $400, Alex.)

Then she started talking about a foot fetish. I felt pain when she stuck her high heel in my crotch in under the table. I told her that I had to go home and she started asking me if the seats folded down in the back of the van? Another plus for the company minivan- Crazy sex starved women!!!!

I mean I am adventurous and have done some messed up things but not with a total stranger I just met. Luckily I got a phone call from my mom and was able to get away. So I have decided to cancel my account. Everyone has gotten a big kick out of the story though.

Add me to that list - this story is a whole soccer team of a big kick. It's a dozen angry fetuses of kick. It's a Rockettes line of crazy kick. Really, this friend of mine has achieved everything he needs to do in life, merely by going on this fantastic date so I can blog about it.

So, thank you, Newly Single Friend! And to all you whiny Washingtonians who claim there are no good men/women/blowup dolls left:

Until you take a stiletto to the junk, what you say ain't nothing but bunk.


Velvet said...

Hey...wait a hot damn minute. I got an email from some P.R. group with match and they want to give me a free membership to hawk their site. Of course I'm entangled in a tangle, so I want no part of that membership, but they probably need some serious damage control. And this story is probably not what they are looking for, but it's damn funny.

Shannon said...

Well, I bet a bunch of foot fetishists read this and registered for, so really they're coming out ahead.