Monday, April 14, 2008
Crazy Sex-Starved Women!!!!
If that headline doesn't goose my site stats, nothing will.
A lot of people waste a lot of time complaining about dating in DC. The bar scene is lame, everyone's snotty or dorky or a headcase, or just plain not good enough. Well, all of you, shut up. Your bluff has been called.
Because the most bizarre, awful, soul-killing date I have ever heard of happened nowhere near here. Tale courtesy of a newly single friend who joined Match.com:
So, we met at this [redacted] for appetizers and drinks.
She started telling me about how she separated 6 months ago and wasn't being satisfied enough but joined some adult website and had met and slept with about 10 guys in the past 3 months. (Editor's note: SCORE! Also, I'll take Craigslist Casual Encounters for $400, Alex.)
Then she started talking about a foot fetish. I felt pain when she stuck her high heel in my crotch in under the table. I told her that I had to go home and she started asking me if the seats folded down in the back of the van? Another plus for the company minivan- Crazy sex starved women!!!!
I mean I am adventurous and have done some messed up things but not with a total stranger I just met. Luckily I got a phone call from my mom and was able to get away. So I have decided to cancel my match.com account. Everyone has gotten a big kick out of the story though.
Add me to that list - this story is a whole soccer team of a big kick. It's a dozen angry fetuses of kick. It's a Rockettes line of crazy kick. Really, this friend of mine has achieved everything he needs to do in life, merely by going on this fantastic date so I can blog about it.
So, thank you, Newly Single Friend! And to all you whiny Washingtonians who claim there are no good men/women/blowup dolls left:
Until you take a stiletto to the junk, what you say ain't nothing but bunk.