I am not an etiquette maven. I almost always reach for the wrong fork, say the wrong thing, or invite friends to soirees with titles like, "Yes, I Just Evited You to Ask You to Help Me Move." (What's more fun than moving my 83 pairs of shoes two stories and 20 feet? Nothing. That's what. Plus I offer a competitive pizza-and-beer compensation program.)But I do believe in five rules for gracious living:
1. Offer your seat on the Metro to the elderly, the pregnant, or, hey, even someone who looks tired or like they were on their feet all day. The average Starbucks barista makes $8.55 an hour to deal with caffeine-starved self-important morons all day - why not offer her your chair?
2. Bonus round: Offer your seat by merely saying, "Would you like to sit down?" Don't add a justification, like, "You look pregnant to me." Super-special bonus - this gets you out of being thumped when you tell a non-pregnant lady that she looks pregnant.
3. Never leave someone sitting alone in a corner at a party. Middle school is over, and so is ostracizing someone because they might be uncool. Go over and introduce yourself! Unless they're rifling through the sofa for spare change. Because that's just weird. But, overall, five minutes of potentially boring chitchat with a stranger won't kill you. And you might even make a new friend.
4. When you ask a coworker to do something, don't call out 'thank you' over your shoulder as you walk away. Thank them face-to-face. Don't treat gratitude as an afterthought.
5. When you have guests coming over, and they ask what they should bring, ask if they had something particular in mind. They might have a specialty they'd love to prepare for you. Doling out assignments converts your friends into unpaid caterers. Let them do what they enjoy, even if it means a dozen artichoke dips and four tater tot-and-bean casseroles.
In the comments, tell me what etiquette rules you've invented lately. Or tell me I've tumbled off the Cliffs of Nice into the Abyss of Insufferable.
20 comments:
Word.
I can't think about anything but Tater Tots now. Damn you.
Foxy - Yo.
bh - I'm picturing the scene where John Malkovich goes into the portal into his own brain, except this time the entire bar is made up of tater tots.
Cell phones--barring very few exceptions people shouldn't use them when in conversation with others.
Being that I live in NYC, I often wonder if we ever drove a car like we walk there would be a lot more accidents. Can people just look where they are going and walk in a straight line (while sober)? Just observe and you will notice this strange phenomenon.
As for riding the Metro or as we call it Subway, I have another rule, how about stepping to the side and letting people get off first before barnstorming your way onto the train? If only things were this simple....
Brando - My peeve is when someone paying at a cash register is gabbing on the phone - it holds up the line and it's disrespectful to the cashier.
Desert Fox - Oh, weavy walkers drive me crazy. I especially like the ones who seem intent on moving directly in front of me every time I try to pass them.
I have a coworker who never says thanks when he asks me to do something. His emails will be like "I need this done by tomorrow." And I'm like "SURE. NO PROBLEM. YOU'RE WELCOME." Because he's an ass.
i wish thank you cards were not a thing of the past. if i host a party for you, make all the food, and surprise you with all of your friends there? even an EMAIL thank you would be nice, but a real Thank You Card would be better, and no one seems to send them any more.
JAG - I'm picturing The Devil Wears Prada. "That's all" with a dismissive wave. (Though, all in all? Not a bad boss. Think about it...Miranda is clear about her expectations, offers opportunities in exchange for hard work, and never yells.)
Alice - Actually, if someone goes to those lenghts, a dinner out or some flowers would be appropriate.
Always say please and thank you, even if you are at a fast-food restaurant, I think these days I hear those two words less and less. Maybe it's just me..
Alice, you read my mind. Thank you cards are clutch, and never sent anymore. When I receive one nowadays, I'm floored, though I was brought up to send them whenever I'm given something as a gift or been shown hospitality. I still send them, and even went to a stationery store to resupply this summer. The clerks stared at me as though they were expecting me to realize it wasn't the ABC store any second.
Thank you notes are a pet peeve of mine. I always always always write out a thank you note - longhand - occasionally in a card that is preprinted with Thank You buy usually - gasp- on actual nice un preprinted stationary. I make my children write thank you notes as well. The note must refer to what you are thanking the person for and some mention of how much you did / will enjoy the event / item and how thoughtful / kind / generous it was. (The 3 year old just has to color on each note mama has written but the 9 year old writes her own.)
Heather - I've found that if you order at a fast food place by saying, "May I please have..." they get really pleased. And baffled. But mostly pleased.
Mr. J - You can drink from the cup of gratitude, but you can't get drunk off thank-you notes. Who knew?
Tina - Awesome. So when do your kids send me a thank-you note for this blog? Not that you should ever, ever let them read it...
Great Post.
I've been reading http://www.socialprimer.com/ lately. SP seems to know what he's talking about, and hasn't steered me wrong yet.
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