Friday, May 29, 2009

Behold Your Fashion Future

I like to think of myself as a stylish lady. I fight the frump with killer heels, never leave the apartment without at least a little lip gloss, and have pretty much bought every dress that has ever been made. I figured I would roll into middle age and beyond with fabulosity and age-appropriate cool.

That is, until this morning. I realized that today's ensemble (bohemian top, capris, stripper-hippie heels, jangly bracelets) was just a few steps removed from an all-out Chico's catalogue doomsday. It's an easy and witless slide, like alcoholism or voting Republican.

Step one: Trade the bracelets for the dreaded Statement Necklace.



Step two: Trade the sexy heels for some sensible slides.

Step three: Trade the (somewhat) skin-baring top for something looser and less revealing.



Step four: The worst of all. The horror. The humanity! I'd trade the capris for something with a drawstring waist.



And the final result?


Not that I don't love Bea Arthur, because heaven knows the woman rocked...but that doesn't mean I would ever want to dress like her.

In the comments, tell me your fashion future. Or make me feel better about being only four steps removed from Dorothy Zbornak.

11 comments:

Titania said...

AARRRGHHHHH!!! Fashion suicide, my future is my present: I am wearing a skirt with a drawstring waist!!!

Zipcode said...

You have great style my friend, that dress you wore on Saturday - you rocked it well!

Shannon said...

Titania - Drawstrings are a harbinger of doom.

Zip - Aw, thanks! Of course, the one drawback to that dress was that I couldn't raise my arms without offering a floorshow, but...small price to pay!

bh said...

Unfortunately, over time, I've caught myself more and more in what I call "Modern Golf Prick": Polo shirt, khaki's, slightly fashionable, but still boring, leather shoes.

Alas, middle age is creeping into my life like dust under the bed. (I have NO idea what that means).

And if you could work a "comfort" waist into there, I'd appreciate it.

Fiery Nuggets said...

Your heels are HOT! My style is all about whatever Target is selling. That is SAD.

Shannon said...

bh - One pair Sans-a-Belt slacks, coming right up!

Fiery - My style is about whatever is ON SALE at Target. SADDER.

Patty Duke said...

I'm past Dorothy. I have Mom Jeans and I wear them.

Jo said...

My mom dresses a bit like this and she pulls it off. I think the thing to know about style is whether your personality works with it. I could never wear uber-fashionable stuff because I just don't have the prim attitude for it. Whatever floats you boat.

And I'll end up looking like a South West US hippie I just know it.

Michael said...

Or dress like Dorothy Gale. Which could bring out very sketchy men. Which no doubt has never happened to you before.

Love the necklace!

Shannon said...

Patty - Please tell me they're light blue and hiked all the way up to the waist! That would be awesome.

Jo - I'm already halfway to hippie, and it fills me with fear. Next...turquoise jewelry.

Michael - Sketchy men? Me? Never!

Kimmay said...

My aunt uses the adjective "lesbianesque" when describing my shoes. I suppose I dress a little older for my age but I just turned 20 and I still don't want to wear American Apparel leggings and a metallic gold bathingsuit...