Tuesday, May 05, 2009

A Dear Mom Travelogue

Back before the Internet, when we'd wear bonnets and churn our own butter, I used to come up with all sorts of ways to practice writing. I'd write letters to whomever I happened to be thinking of at the moment, from wherever I happened to be. I've decided to get back in the habit, because everyone loves to get a letter. But, as a nod to modern times, I'll be posting them online as well. (Next step? iPod. Oh, who are we kidding?)

Dear Mom,

I write this from somewhere between Minneapolis and San Francisco. The family in front of me is wearing surgical masks as a classy nod to swine flu. It's a level of paranoia that would do Australia proud. I am in the window seat, and the young man next to me is so profoundly asleep that he is most likely still drunk from the night before. Naturally, this is the time that my bladder has decided to assert itself.

More pressing is the teenager in front of me, who feels compelled to punch me in the kidneys every time she rummages through her seat compartment.

On the plus side, I had the entire row to myself from Washington to Minneapolis. And, on both flights, I was gifted with a full can of ginger ale. (Though, considering I've yet to extricate myself from the big sleeping dude, I may live to regret that one.)

Victory! Restroom achieved! On behalf of my entire endocrine system, thank you Jesus.

Come and visit me soon, just try not to sit next to the sleeping Colossus on the long haul from Sydney.

Love, Shannon


Lemmonex said...

I love mail...write me a letter!

Also, get a damn ipod. I have no idea how you can tolerate being along with your thoughts.

Shannon said...

Lem - Send me your address, and you can receive the next one.

And I love my thoughts. They make pretty whirring noises.

Amy said...

Um, can you explain the paranoia and Australia thing please? I don't get it.

<3 your blog by the way.

f.B said...

No iPod? How about any mp3 player?

If I had to walk around this city knowing what I was thinking rather than drowning it out with music, we'd all be in trouble. You must be better at thinking than me.

Shannon said...

Amy - Welcome! And thank you! I don't know if it's because Australians are so far away from the rest of the world, but that side of my family tends to be deeply paranoid. My mom is convinced that virtually every beauty product is carcinogenic, for instance.

f.B. - My phone is an MP3 player, but I rarely use it. I like to be aware of my surroundings, instead of in an earbud haze.

formally zip said...

Mail is awesome, I get excited when I get a card or something that isn't a bill in the mail.

Velvet said...

formally zip's answer made me laugh. She hasn't lost her sense of humor.

I thought these would be old letters you wrote like 15 years ago pre-internets. But then I saw "swine flu." Ha ha! Very good Shannon!!

Shannon said...

formally zip - I love getting thank-you notes, flowers, or, really, pretty much anything.

Velvet - I'm just waiting for the TMI Thursday when I decide to publish my teen angst poems.

former zip in another life ha ha said...

The thankyou note has seem to be a lost art and I believe in them. No one seems to do them anymore.

I love me some flowers, I hope the next guy (victim) I date likes to give flowers.

Velvet said...

All these zips are confusing me.

Shannon, how many days until Thursday? Lemme count...one....two...oh! Good!

Shannon said...

former zip - I think the last time I got flowers was about two years ago. I was on the phone with a friend who lives in Atlanta, saw the box at the door, and opened them up.

Friend: So, what do they look like?
Me: Pastel roses.
Friend: Ah, the Sweetheart Bouquet from FTD. $16.95 plus shipping.
Me: Huh?
Friend: I screw up a LOT.

Velvet - I did NOT just commit myself to publishing teen angst poetry...did I? Oh boy.

vvk said...

I'd say that iPod's are overrated... except that I own a lot of stock in Apple. So really, you should buy a new iPod, and then not bother using it. That would be the best of both worlds (for me)... :-)