Friday, December 18, 2009

Nice Day for a White Wedding

Apparently, Washington is going to be hit with the worst storm, since, ever, or, at least since the last time we had breathless forecasts of the worst storm since EVER.

I'm ready. My cupboard groans with staples such as milk, baguettes, cheese, enough booze to stop an army of horses, Triscuits, ramen and Spaghettios. (Spaghettios were a breakfast staple in my house when I was a kid...which may tell you everything you need to know about my upbringing.) I can resist the psychological pull of winter hoarding. I am ready for the snowpocalypse.

Except...short of whiteout conditions, I'm supposed to be at a non-Metro accessible wedding tomorrow morning. I have been mulling my transportation options:

1. Metro to a friends' place, carpool with them in their borrowed Urban Assault Vehicle.

2. Borrow a friend's beagle, lash it to a sled, and scoot across the wintry landscape in homage to the Grinch.

3. See if Zipcar offers Ziptruck, Zipdogsled, Zipteleport or ZipscrewitI'mofftoFlorida.

4. Develop telepathy overnight, view wedding using the powers of my mind.

5. Triangulate the location of the first commenter to annoyingly thump his chest about how "In Boston/New York/Chicago/Somewhere North and Unpleasant, we KNOW how to deal with the snow!" Force that person, if they're so darn clever and immune to snow, to be my chauffeur for the day.

In the comments, I dare you to enable my new "throatpunch" popout feature by whinging about how wimpy Washingtonians are in the snow.


Anonymous said...

Hey Shannon - you can totally borrow Baxter for the day - just dangle some bacon in front of his nose and he'll go anywhere...

Shannon said...

Anon - Awesome. So I just need a sled and a fishing pole so I can dangle the bacon. (I already have the bacon.)

FoggyDew said...

I'm having the same reservations about my nephew's 3rd bday tomorrow. Don't know if I want to go wandering in the hinterlands of Alexandria in. The. Middle. Of. Said. Snowstorm.

Course, it won't stop me from going dahntahn to get some pics of our winter wonderland.

Also, has D.C. abandon the Mayor-for-Life's "Let it melt" snow removal plan yet?

Brando said...

You left out one possibility. Call in dead. Then, when the bride sees you next, and says "what...?" you can say in a dry manner "actually my condition was upgraded to 'alive'!" and everyone will have such a hearty laugh that they'll forget all about your missing the wedding.

Dmbosstone said...

I was going to comment about my Flinty... you know what nevermind.

Shannon said...

Foggy - New plan? Mayor Fenty and Chancellor Rhee will stare at the snow until it spontaneously melts. Failing that, they'll lay off all the winter weather elves, and it will never snow again!

Brando - Considering the bride is my boss, I might find myself suspiciously off the payroll.

Dmbosstone - Darnit! I was really hoping to test the throatpunch feature!

Dana said...

If you want to come to Huntsville, you can borrow my dog for your sled. He'd love it!

Feel free to send some snow down here.

Tina said...

LetHammer take you in his Truck

Tina said...

Oh yeah, and I have lived in Buffalo NY, Boston, AND Minnesota and guess what - even they stay home DURING the blizzard. (At least the intelligent ones do)

Mr. J said...

I've lived in Florida and...Florida. Yesterday was a fine day to be out and about. Today, not so much. All the never-driven-in-snow drivers are smoking their tires and confused about why.
[throatpunch received]