Tuesday, November 04, 2008

A Silver Lining in My Cloud of Superiority

I’ve been looking for silver linings. Upsides. The good news. There has to be something positive in having my salary cut in half.

I can vote in broad daylight. My precinct is in the projects. If you follow the crime reports, look for the number of robberies and beatdowns that happen within one block of my polling location. Yeah…I lived in Bogota and I’m worried.

I can obtain amusing second jobs. I’m debating applying to be a CVS clerk. While I’m worried about possible permanent damage to my IQ, I’ve always wanted to wear a smock.

Daytime drinking. Who’s up for starting happy hour at 2:00? Give me a call, I’m down for it.

Not having money is the fastest path to being better than everyone. My impoverished state allows me to sit here on my cloud of superiority and mock you soulless consumerist nitwits. I can’t believe how much useless crap you buy. You are all that is wrong with America!


My apartment is the cleanest it has ever been. My refrigerator is stocked, I have all the time in the world to make Crock-Pot comfort food, and I’ve even ironed some clothes.

Bad days build character.

I get to keep my health insurance.

Half a job is better than no job at all.
My friends rock.

I think it’s going to be OK.

Photo credit: Jeremy Brazell

21 comments:

I have thoughts said...

Your polling location must the same as mine. I'm wearing kevlar when I go later today. And I should be done by 2, so where's pre-happy hour happy hour?

Ibid said...

Tips:
Recycling paper towels is possible but tricky.
Recycling toilet paper never ends well.

Shannon said...

Thoughts - We should call it the "Ecstatic Hour." And I'll be voting 3:30ish, as I have a doctor's appointment first.

Ibid - What about Kleenex?

HP said...

Of course it will be okay. And if you need tips on surviving marginal employment, let me know. My two stints with unemployment imbued me with a bevy of survival tactics.

Lemmonex said...

Every Friday, my place. Wine and netflicks. It. is. on.

lacochran said...

"Who’s up for starting happy hour at 2:00?"

*raises hand and says in Horshak voice* Ooo! Oo! Oo! Ooo!

Shannon said...

HP - Thanks. My current plan is to sneak into your place and steal all your food. I will, of course, organize your closets while I'm there.

Lem - Hell yeah! And I'll bring the karaoke.

Shannon said...

Lacochran - It is ON.

Ibid said...

Better than toilet paper.
Throw then in the drier so they collect in the lint collector. Put all the lint and obliterated tissues in some water and mix it up. Pour it out on a window screen. Leave to dry.
Depending on how thin you spread them you either have new tissues or fabric to make into socks or handkerchiefs.

No, I haven't tried it, but I've always wanted to.

HP said...

Ha, ha, Shannon. You should know me well enough by now to know that I never have any food. Joke's on you!

Shannon said...

Ibid - Now that I have free time, I'll have to give that a spin. Get it? SPIN?

HP - In which case, I will try on your pajamas and loll about in your bed.

FoggyDew said...

Your threat to hp sounds suprisingly like an Alanis Morissette song. You know, the one you hear if you listen all the way to the very end of JLP.

Gilahi said...

If you save your little slivers of soap, after a while you can wet them, moosh them all together, and it's like getting a free bar of soap!

Doug said...

I'm totally up for happy hour starting at 2pm. Why so late though? Why not 12? First round is on me!

Megan said...

If you actually do get that CVS job you'll get a decent employee discount...(I work for the specialty pharmacy division under what used to be Caremark, but is now CVS Caremark) 20% of everything and 30% of CVS brand items...

Shannon said...

Foggy - Or the end of, "Every Breath You Take."

Gilahi - Or I might give up on soap entirely.

Doug - I have to work until 1:30...but can drink it up afterwards.

Megan - Awesome. I can get a discount on depressing grandma hard candies!

LiLu said...

Re: Lem... You whores. However, there are rumblings that my new job will allow me to have every other Friday off. IF SO, I'm in. And I'm bringing the bon bons.

Megan said...

Generally I use my discount on nail polish and hair products...but whatever makes you happy. BTW I think I have enough hair products and nail poish to last the rest of my life.

Ryane said...

Silver linings are good. Keep the faith...

freckledk said...

Re: Lem and LiLu - you are all whores! The man requires that I put in the standard 8 hour workday. Balls! I want to eat bon bons and drink wine, too!

bh said...

They just extended my workweek from 37.5 to 40 hours. I thought I had it bad.

Seriously, though, think of all the totally awesome mid day drinking sessions you can have.