An anonymous tipster sent me a link to the Be My Valentine Tonight Seduction Kit. For $10, you can get $1.25 worth of lube, body paint, "surprise gift" and a condom. Plus, beautiful packaging of beautiful people, designed to harp on your partner's physical insecurities.
And then there's the legion of issues I have with their pitch:
What better way to say I love you every Valentine's Day than with this kit of seduction?
How about just saying, "I love you," vs. dressing up your devotion with a cheapass-looking kit? Also, every Valentine's Day? Ho hum, "Honey, thanks for getting me lube...again."
Kit includes everything you need for an intimate night
Except for intimacy. Oh, they mean that kind of intimacy. Carry on.
Includes condom, lube, body paint and a surprise gift
Really, that's all you need? I wonder if the lube is the tingling/warming kind, because nothing says true love like mentholating your private parts. And I am dying to know what the surprise gift is.
OK, it's still better than the most dire Valentine's gift of all: the teddy bear. But not by much.