Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I Promise this Won't Be a Wedding Blog

So, now that I'm engaged*, I get to plan a wedding.

Goals: Have a fun party the guests enjoy, not have crushing stage fright in a room stacked full of random strangers, while not going into debt, not putting anyone else into debt, not getting any urge to dress up like that bride there on the right, and, most importantly, to get married. Yay!

Last night, I decided to kick off the process by swinging by the going-out-of-business sale at my local Borders. I seem to recall, from weddings past, that you can buy these "wedding organizer" binders. And they have pockets. For receipts and contracts and things! And checklists! And you can walk around with your big-ass Bride Binder and watch as legions of strangers on every sidewalk stop and swoon with joy! Because it's all about me! Me! Wonderful me! (And maybe my fiance.)

As you can probably already tell, this excursion was not a raging success. First I had to ask the staff member if wedding planning books could be found under "Political Science," or, "History of Warfare," as those struck me as the most logical locations. Apparently they live in a land called, "General Reference."

Then I went to the Bride Shelf. It was hell. Arsenic-laced cotton candy with a side of dead puppies hell.
Everything was this shade of pink I can only describe as "flourescent gynecology textbook." There was the pink Budget Bride. The pink Elegant Bride. The pink I Have a Life Bride. There was even a pink "Anti-Bride's Guide." (I briefly considered stacking The Bride's Guide and the Anti-Bride's Guide on top of each other to create an explosion. But that would have only improved the aesthetic of the Bride Shelf.)

Eventually, I gave up and bought a box set of Ed Wood movies. Hey, at least the Ed Wood box was pink, right?
*As my friend Worth pointed out, Monday's post never mentioned whether or not I said "yes." I did. So there you go.


One Blonde Girl said...

Sounds like you could have used some pink Pepto after that trip. Congrats and good luck.

Shannon said...

OBG - Thanks. Trust me, after seeing the Bride Shelf, I've witnessed enough Pepto Pink for a lifetime.

J said...

Bride Killah? Are you the eleventh member of Wu-Tang Clan!?

hannah said...

I like the wedding goals. I've always thought that once I find some guy gullible enough to be entrapped, I'll gather a bunch of friends and a justice of the peace, go to the gardens by the Smithsonian Arts & Industry building, then hit Mr. Henry's for the party thereafter. Fun for all!

Email me your mailing address - I need to send you guys a happy! (Only most of it will be pink, I swear.)

WordNerd said...

Forget the books. is the answer. Free, great task list, budget tool, and a good way to find vendors. Loved it and it really helped organize our wedding down to the last cent. Scan all your vendor agreements and keep the hard copies in a regular old folder at home. Just carry around bridal mags so everyone can swoon with joy for you. And your fiance. :)


Shannon said...

J - The Groom-Tang Clan, rather.

Hannah - Ooh, maybe Mr Henry's has a function space!

WordNerd - Thanks! The wedding magazines were terrifying books, however, are a new level of hell.

Lemon Gloria said...

I learned MONTHS in that you're supposed to have one of those organizey binders! And then a colleague showed me hers and I almost threw up from anxiety - all these things people think you should do! After we lost a couple important lists we started using Google docs at the suggestion of a couple blog readers and that worked out very well.

Jo said...

OMG! Congratulations! I totally missed the engaged post! YAY!

FoggyDew said...

I think hannah's got the right idea here. Some type of guerrilla wedding ceremony might be best. Just show up at one of the memorials with the officient and the guests and get down to it. It's cheap and you can probably be done before the Park Police show up.

Shannon said...

LG - I decided on file folders and a caddy from Staples. There is just no way I would be caught dead in public with one of those nauseating pink binders.

Jo - Thanks!

Foggy - Genius. I do, however, have concerns about elderly guests being able to beat a hasty retreat when the po-pos come. Maybe we could have the older guests stand on handtrucks, and the more strapping folks can push them to safety?

freckledk said...

Congrats (I mean, Best Wishes!)! And I think you should just use a Trapper Keeper as your Wedding Binder. I'm sure you can find some pretty badass ones on Ebay.

Ibid said...

After you get your book you need to swing by HomeDepot and get some black spray paint. Oooh! You need to cut out a skull stencil to put on the cover before you spray paint. All black but the pink skull! There's your wedding planning book.

And congratulations.