Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I Need an Awesome Robot

I have an amazing capacity for illness. I am allergic to all known vegetation, dislike weather, and once caught pneumonia in May. If we were cave-people, I would be dead a dozen times over.

Thankfully, I live in a modern civilization. Well, white sneakers aside, Washington is pretty modern. I can use mass transit and conduct myself to my desk job, infecting everyone along the way. I can sit at my desk and listen to the symphony of sniffles throughout my office. I can take all sorts of fancy drugs.

Here comes the problem: when I am sick, I do not want to be nurtured or held. I want to crawl off alone into a field to die, like a grievously wounded animal. I vant to be alooone.

Hence my dilemma: in this wonderfully whiz-bang modern world, why isn't there an awesome robot to make soup magically appear on my desk, give me a backrub and maybe (very, very quietly) watch some Doctor Who with me tonight?

PS - Last night, I tried to watch The Dark Knight. The DVD was scratched, and cut out within fifteen minutes. Not only was I deeply relieved, I celebrated by watching the always life-affirming The Pirate Movie. Give me a happy ending, indeed!

9 comments:

Malnurtured Snay said...

I know just the robot you need:
http://www.asciimation.co.nz/bender/page4.html

Shannon said...

Snay - That would rock...except, if he's a beer robot, he'll have to wait until I'm feeling better.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Also, I can't imagine Bender doing anything quietly (except maybe stealing your purse).

Jamie said...

I heart Doctor Who.

Shannon said...

Snay - At this point, I have so many purses I probably wouldn't notice. Oh, wait, I would, as they're alphabetized by color.

Jamie - Oh, I know. If I ever need to conjure you in cyberspace, I just need to mention Doctor Who, or men with cats. Or, Doctor Who getting a cat.

bh said...

I've always wanted a living room beer fridge.

Doesn't help your problem, but I really want one of those things. That'd be awesome.

Shannon said...

bh - I've always wanted a sparkly lavender-scented flying pony.

bh said...

Lavender does smell nice.

Since I've spent all afternoon discussing this at work, I've decided rather than the nice stainless steel classy variety, I'm going old school: Brown, with useless vulger college stickers (and some outdoor product companies to give the appearance that I climb mountains), a half burned candle melted to the top and an incense holder. I'd leave a cheap plastic bong as well, but that's not family friendly.

Because a living room beer fridge should be family friendly.

Shannon said...

bh - For a moment, I thought you and your coworkers were discussing lavender sparkly ponies. In which case, I was going to ask you for a job.