I have an amazing capacity for illness. I am allergic to all known vegetation, dislike weather, and once caught pneumonia in May. If we were cave-people, I would be dead a dozen times over.Thankfully, I live in a modern civilization. Well, white sneakers aside, Washington is pretty modern. I can use mass transit and conduct myself to my desk job, infecting everyone along the way. I can sit at my desk and listen to the symphony of sniffles throughout my office. I can take all sorts of fancy drugs.
Here comes the problem: when I am sick, I do not want to be nurtured or held. I want to crawl off alone into a field to die, like a grievously wounded animal. I vant to be alooone.
Hence my dilemma: in this wonderfully whiz-bang modern world, why isn't there an awesome robot to make soup magically appear on my desk, give me a backrub and maybe (very, very quietly) watch some Doctor Who with me tonight?
PS - Last night, I tried to watch The Dark Knight. The DVD was scratched, and cut out within fifteen minutes. Not only was I deeply relieved, I celebrated by watching the always life-affirming The Pirate Movie. Give me a happy ending, indeed!
9 comments:
I know just the robot you need:
http://www.asciimation.co.nz/bender/page4.html
Snay - That would rock...except, if he's a beer robot, he'll have to wait until I'm feeling better.
Also, I can't imagine Bender doing anything quietly (except maybe stealing your purse).
I heart Doctor Who.
Snay - At this point, I have so many purses I probably wouldn't notice. Oh, wait, I would, as they're alphabetized by color.
Jamie - Oh, I know. If I ever need to conjure you in cyberspace, I just need to mention Doctor Who, or men with cats. Or, Doctor Who getting a cat.
I've always wanted a living room beer fridge.
Doesn't help your problem, but I really want one of those things. That'd be awesome.
bh - I've always wanted a sparkly lavender-scented flying pony.
Lavender does smell nice.
Since I've spent all afternoon discussing this at work, I've decided rather than the nice stainless steel classy variety, I'm going old school: Brown, with useless vulger college stickers (and some outdoor product companies to give the appearance that I climb mountains), a half burned candle melted to the top and an incense holder. I'd leave a cheap plastic bong as well, but that's not family friendly.
Because a living room beer fridge should be family friendly.
bh - For a moment, I thought you and your coworkers were discussing lavender sparkly ponies. In which case, I was going to ask you for a job.
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