Thursday, January 15, 2009

This Is Why I Live Alone

In the spirit of TMI Thursday, I'm going to tell you exactly what living alone does to people. I'll stay away from the scatalogical, so there's more room for the really embarrassing stuff.


5:30 pm: Arrive at apartment. Heat up Dinner #1: leftover generic Safeway macaroni and cheese. Finish newspaper.


6:00 pm: Perform Interpretive Dance to the Xanadu Soundtrack. Also, eat dinner number 2: a grilled cheese sandwich, and some bread with Kajmak.


6:30 pm: Pop in Transformers: the Movie. No, not the one with Megan Fox's pouty lips and the awesomely bad plotting (OK, so they lead the Decepticons into a major metropolitan area for a battle...because? Oh, so Michael Bay could throw big robots into really big buildings? Cool.)


No, as part of my continuing effort to see every single film I was banned from seeing as a child, I Netflixed the 1986 original. Orson Welles as gelatinous sparkly planet-eater Unicron. The tragic death of Optimus Prime (and, yes, even at age 32 I did well up a bit), and a heroic Judd Nelson as a midlife-crisis sentient sportscar crying, "I have nothing BUT contempt for this court!" I'd forgotten this movie had the most amazingly high body count - I can't believe they slaughtered half my toybox.


8:00 pm: Un-moisten my eyes. What? I was bummed when Planet Orson bit the big one. Discover that this DVD has bonus features. Watch the commentary track from the director, the story consultant, and the chick who did the voice of the lone Girl Transformer, Arcee (who was a rather Pepto-esque shade of pink). Discover that not only did Hasbro massacre my childhood toys and crush my preteen spirit for the sake of introducing a new product line, but...gender roles were strictly defined in the Transformer-verse and Arcee was pretty much there to wipe the nose of that little cartoon Daniel brat. Geez - at least Smurfette got to be a babe and hot stuff and all, even within her blond Aryan tokenism in the Socialist universe of Smurftown.

9:30: Wow, I just spent three hours watching a cartoon. Time for Xanadu Intrepretive Dance: Volume Two! Also, I should probably lay out my clothes for tomorrow and finish packing for my trip.

10:00: One last singalong to, "I'm Alive," and it's time for lights out.


So, anybody want to be my roommate?

27 comments:

LiLu said...

You really need to start a Vlog.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Do I have to pay rent?

Shannon said...

LiLu - Considering I spent the evening in '40s pinup lingerie, Uggs, and an extremely ratty big white robe...no. Some things do not need to be seen.

Shannon said...

Snay - Yes, plus a small tribute to my awesomeness.

Lemmonex said...

The admission to Uggs is the worst part of all of this.

Shannon said...

Lem - in my defense, I'm half Australian. Also, I only wear them at home.

Michael J. West said...

Planet Orson is what even his doctors were calling him by that time.

byh said...

Wow.

Wow.

I really don't know what else to say other than you're a woman who watches Transformers. That partially heals the gapping wound left by the death of Khan.

freckledk said...

Thanks for giving away the ending, Shannon. That's one to cross off my 'must see' list.

Shannon said...

Mike - I bet Orson ate LOTS of planets, too.

byh - Khan DIED? What, who is Khan?

K - The end isn't the best part - I like the bit where Judd Nelson takes on the swarm of robotic sharks.

[F]oxymoron said...

Sure, but only if you throw in Stargate (seasons 1-7) and throw out What Not To Wear

lacochran said...

"5:30 pm: Arrive at apartment. Heat up Dinner #1: leftover generic Safeway macaroni and cheese. Finish newspaper.


6:00 pm: Perform Interpretive Dance to the Xanadu Soundtrack. Also, eat dinner number 2: a grilled cheese sandwich, and some bread with Kajmak."

Ha! I, too, can graze through several dinners.

Shannon said...

Foxy - I'll just stick to my box sets of Buffy, thanks.

Lacochran - The sad part is that every single section of my dinner was cheese and carbs.

restaurant refugee said...

Come on, Shannon, fess up - we know you rock to Brit, Brit and N'Sync while watching Flava of Luv.

Shannon said...

Refugee - That would be way cooler than the truth, which is that I don't watch any TV at all. I do, however, own two Britney Spears CD's.

KassyK said...

Awww, you have Buffy Box Sets. I now love you a bit more. Now you just need LOST and Veronica Mars and you are not completely off my amazing tv radar.

Oh and for the record...that blond Aussie in the new Transformers is hotter than Megan Fox. There, I said it!

Am I the only one who misses the sheer fascination of Judd Nelson's nostrils? Those things are POWERFUL.

Shannon said...

Kassy - Once, I made the mistake of watching Breakfast Club and taking a drink every time Judd flared his nostrils....let's just say I didn't feel so hot the next day.

Zipcode said...

Xanadu rules everybit of it.

Katherine said...

Continuing with my questionable footwear choices, I own Uggs. And I wear them in public. They're my Winter Crocs. Point is, don't let Lem shame you.

Shannon said...

Zip - Now that I'm here, now that you're near, in Xannnnnaaaaadduuuuuuu! Xaannnnadduuuuuuuuooooouuuuuooooo!

Katherine - You have multiseason Crocs?

Michael said...

Oh, if only I could be the man in your life. Then there would be two entirely lumpish, TV-watching, moderately well employed people in the apartment. But I read the Atlantic while eating cookies and peanuts at the kitchen sink. So that makes me a better person and all.

Shannon said...

Michael - I read Glamour and eat tacos over the sync. It's the dissonance that I find so thrilling.

Oxen Cox said...

i too consume multiple dinners!! i really wish i had gone to see xanadu the musical. i heard it was really gay, so it was probably AWESOME!!!

The Pumpernickel said...

There is absolutely nothing wrong with singing in the privacy of your own bedroom. Except my neighbors don't seem to think so, or at least that's what I gathered from the knocking I heard from the other side of my bedroom wall...

Katherine said...

Crocs are for EVERY season. Plus, some come with fake fur.

Simon Burke said...

This was an awesome movie - a cartoon with a swearword in it, an enormous amount of dead toy robots and a planet eating robot. Simply awesome, I plugged it in a couple of years ago for the first time in ages and was blown away by how good it was - something from my childhood that didnt suck 20 years on!

Simon Burke said...

This movie would be even better if I could cut some Megan Fox into mind you, she doesnt have to talk though. Preferably no talking.