Thursday, January 22, 2009

Interview with a Misfire


The lovely, audacious, and charming cooker-with-a-heart-of-gold Lemmonex sent me five interview questions, mostly so I could have yet another cheesy rhyming post title. (At least I didn't call it Interview with a Quagmire, or Interview with a Pismire...thank you, Free Online Rhyming Dictionary, the Official Free Rhyming Dictionary of Disaffected Scanner Jockey!)

1--People poke fun at your height and you are an incredibly good sport about it. What is the best response/comeback you have for people who want to put you in their handbags?

I threaten to eat their lip gloss. Mmmmm, waxy.


2--What is the worst thing about living with someone?

When they sell your jewelry for drug money. Or when they can’t decide if they want to stay with their boyfriend, Wayne, or throw him over for his identical twin, Dwayne. Or when they adopt a puppy from a cardboard box on a street corner, which barks and whines and keeps you up all night right before your big job interview.


Incidentally, this was all the same roommate. In a one-month period. I moved out.


3-- I cannot believe I don't know this. What is your favorite food?

Beer. Is beer a food?

Ok, fine. A Carolina pulled pork sandwich, with a ton of vinegar sauce, topped with slaw, on a really flimsy and cheap white bread bun which will immediately crumble, so my meal will ooze all over the plate, my fingers, and hopefully all of the Washington media market.

And I may want a beer with that sandwich.


4-- 90210 or Dawson's Creek?

Good question! I’ve given this a lot of thought.


Really. I have!

The shows had a lot of overlap: odiously sanctimonious male lead (Brandon/Dawson), Little Ms. Perfect female lead who was actually a stuck-up bitch queen (Joey/Kelly), and the trashy bad girl who gets hers when she dies of a vaguely Victorian heart ailment/is exiled to London/is exiled to Buffalo (Jen/Brenda/Valerie).

But 90210 had some of the most hilariously tragic moments in television history. Tori Spelling getting chucked down a staircase. Kelly as her boozy mom's enabler/getting hooked on diet pills/almost dying in a fire/joining a cult/wearing a micro-mini during a daytime lunch with her dad/being stalked by a lesbian/shooting the crap out of her rapist. And never, ever forget the tragic death of the Noxzema Girl.


I mean, really. Who can care about Abby chucking herself off a pier when you've got ten seasons of Trainwreck Kelly?


5-- If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

Nothing. And I don’t mean that in an egotistical way. I damn sure know that I have flaws: I talk too much, I bore too easily, I’m nosy, and I still haven’t figured out how to open a jar or use a lighter. But I need those imperfections. We all do, it gives us ways to grow, so we never get bored. Also, I’ve never met a perfect person whom I didn’t want to stab with a letter opener.

Wait, new answer! Can I have a mutant superpower? That would rock.


If you’d like to play along, just follow these instructions:


1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. Be sure you link back to the original post.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

24 comments:

Lemmonex said...

Hmmm, you see, 90210 does not have Pacey. That kinda tips the scales for me.

freckledk said...

Oh, how funny! I referenced the Donna/Ray incident in my post today. We must be sharing a brain today.

LiLu said...

Ok, fine. A Carolina pulled pork sandwich, with a ton of vinegar sauce, topped with slaw, on a really flimsy and cheap white bread bun which will immediately crumble, so my meal will ooze all over the plate, my fingers, and hopefully all of the Washington media market.

YES. YES. OH GOD, YES.

I hope you got one, I mean 15, last weekend. I leave tomorrow... there shall be Cosmic and Bonjangles and real bbq for all!

Shannon said...

Lem - I never got the Pacey appeal. But I never liked Dylan, either...too greasy. So maybe I'm not into the damaged bad boys?

Frecks - I saw that! Spooky.

LiLu- Denied! We were supposed to go for lunch on Tuesday, then it snowed. But I did get some Bojangles chicken and mashed potatoes, so I'm happy enough for now.

bh said...

I've long maintained the 9-er can be entirely defined by whatever crisis Kelly was going through at the moment.

"I caught an episode of 90210 on cable today. It was during the kelly (being stalked/snorting coke/cult, etc) years."

FoggyDew said...

Fringe has Pacey. A very cool, badass Pacey.

Aproses of nothing whatsoever, I really, really want some Q. Right this minute.

Shannon said...

bh - I'm watching Season Six. Kelly just snorted a bunch of coke after her daddy decided not to move to LA after all.

Foggy - I'll make you some if you bake me some bread.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Food is edible. Beer is edible. Hence, food is a beer.

[F]oxymoron said...

I'd buy anybody a beer (aka, fooood for absurd thought) if they threw out a lip gloss munching comeback!

HP said...

Sorry, I'm still on OC girl.

And an attention whore. Interview me, Shann.

Shannon said...

Snay - Love is blind. God is love. Ray Charles is blind. Therefore, Ray Charles is God. Discuss.

Foxy - Do I get two beers if I really do eat the lipgloss?

HP - Will do.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

i have nothing else to write about lately, so you can interview me.

charlotteharris said...

Oh Shannon, it looks like you're not too encumbered by requests so pretty please "Interview Me"

Did you factor in the New 90210 into your comparison? I wonder if you might have gone with Dawson's.

[F]oxymoron said...

Sure. Two beers - as long as I get to choose the flavor of the lip gloss.

"Interview Me" too. In between writing the next great American novel and catching up on crap TV shows, I'm unemployed with loads of spare time

Shannon said...

Ninja - can you email me at scannerjockey@gmail.com? I don't have your address.

Charlotte - Done. And I haven't seen the new 90210, since I don't watch TV. I get the feeling that may be a blessing.

Foxy - Done, and I apologize in advance for #4. I got it in a job interview once.

Katherine said...

Hmmmm...Trainwreck Kelly is brilliant. Especially since she's reemerged. But there's something about Dawsons. We must discuss over beer.

KassyK said...

Dawsons Creek always annoyed the crap out of me. Weirdly unrelatable...then again I grew up in a town almost identical to Bev Hills, not some country town with a lake and 12 high school students. But I do love Pacey on Fringe.

BUT 90210 the Kelly years?! YES YES and YES. Are you kidding? We grew UP on that show--it was the first show to bring up "important" issues.

The Skeletons in the Closet episode?! Unreal.

I also think the OC Seasons 1 and 2come almost to a tie with 90210.

BUT that all being said--I hate teen shows--so I don't know, me liking any of them is huge enough.

If I had to choose the best high school drama/comedy ever? It would easily easily be Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Veronica Mars. Even with the vampires on one and the noir PI work on the other...those shows beat out all teen dramas by a long shot.

Phew. :)

Duh.

KassyK said...

Dawsons Creek always annoyed the crap out of me. Weirdly unrelatable...then again I grew up in a town almost identical to Bev Hills, not some country town with a lake and 12 high school students. But I do love Pacey on Fringe.

BUT 90210 the Kelly years?! YES YES and YES. Are you kidding? We grew UP on that show--it was the first show to bring up "important" issues.

The Skeletons in the Closet episode?! Unreal.

I also think the OC Seasons 1 and 2come almost to a tie with 90210.

BUT that all being said--I hate teen shows--so I don't know, me liking any of them is huge enough.

If I had to choose the best high school drama/comedy ever? It would easily easily be Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Veronica Mars. Even with the vampires on one and the noir PI work on the other...those shows beat out all teen dramas by a long shot.

Phew. :)

Duh.

emma said...

I love your response to #5! It's such an inspiring approach to the imperfections inherent in humanity.

I'm waiting for Qs from Lemm so I'll be in your shoes soon, I guess. Hope I do as well.

Domo El Mono Loco said...

its been awhile since i checked in, but i jump at the chance to play along. Interview Me!!

Malnurtured Snay said...

So ... if love is blind ... and God is blind ... and Ray Charles is blind ... RAY CHARLES IS STILL ALIVE?!?!! Or, alternatively, God is dead. Choices.

Zipcode said...

feel free to interview me as well

The Pumpernickel said...

"Also, I’ve never met a perfect person whom I didn’t want to stab with a letter opener."

I laughed out loud. And oh how I feel you, sister.

Jamie said...

Shannon? Hello? Are you alive? You have not posted in almost a week. I don't think you've ever been missing that long, even when you are supposedly on hiatus.

Come back, whatever I said, I didn't mean it and/or I was drunk...