Matt and I are back from our 10 days stateside, and because I’m too lazy to write a real column, I’m making a list.

Rules and Regulations for a Shannon-Style Vacation

When making a side trip to Laughlin, Nevada, aka "Ghetto Vegas", do not attempt to play Spanish 21 in Spanish. This rule applies double after three Bloody Marys.

 Also, do not eat an In-N-Out cheeseburger immediately after said Bloody Marys, unless you have a stomach made of iron.

Special Rule for Skye and Merrill: tip your waitress and your blackjack dealer. It is not necessary to tip other players, and in fact in may weird them out.

However dirty it may sound, a "Tongue Burrito" is a legitimate entrée in Los Angeles ethnic restaurants.

Do not mock Skye’s Hapsburg-level inbred cat, no matter how many times it stares at you cross-eyed.

Rodeo Drive has more people taking pictures of people shopping than actual shoppers. 

Don’t see a movie with an unemployed friend, as they’ve seen just about everything. You’ll wind up spending 9 bucks on White Chicks.

When flying Continental Drift Airlines, assume your flight will be late and you’ll only have an hour to get through Customs and Immigration.

Colombian airports were designed by a ten-year-old with ADD. Expect two disorganized check in lines, which then swap positions so everyone must crawl over each other.

 Do not drink an entire glass of Aguardiente under any circumstances. Except maybe a dare.