Monday, January 11, 2010

Changeling Booze Babies

My home bar is frequently the victim of troll-baby changeling booze swaps.

What? Exactly!
Let me explain. A changeling is more than an Angelina Jolie movie that mostly existed so she could tuck those big lips under a cloche and look all glamorous. Anyone with a respectable amount of dungeon master experience could tell you that. There's an old folk tale that trolls would swipe human babies and replace them with troll babies, known as changelings. As I have no children for the urbanite trolls to take, they take my wine.

My wine supply usually includes a variety of reds and whites of various brands and price points, a bottle or two of prosecco, maybe a rose or two. Then I'll invite my usual assortment of friends and enablers to stop in for drinks or dinner. The next morning, I prop my eyes open with toothpicks, fix myself a Bloody Maria and take a good look at the bar.

The number of wine bottles on the shelf will be unchanged. However, all of the original wine will be gone, replaced with Yellow Tail, Barefoot, and Korbel. Every damn time. Not that I have anything against those brands, I just find it weird that my bar has an exclusive Sunday morning contract with them. Deepening the mystery is that I have yet to see anyone drink, hide, or steal the original bottles.

Conclusion: Sometime in the night, the trolls change out my booze babies for Yellow Tail, Barefoot, and Korbel, and expect me to raise those bottles (or glasses full of them) as my own.

In the comments, tell me why no one ever drinks the Yellow Tail. Are they insulting my Australian heritage?
PS - Hi! I'm back!

12 comments:

Jo said...

Honestly? Because Yellowtail is shitty wine. There are some amazing Australian Shiraz out there, Yellowtail is one step above 7-11 wine...

Brando said...

That photo you posted is now going to haunt my dreams. Thanks Shannon!

Shannon said...

Jo - I'm not too fussy about wine, but, yeah, Yellowtail hardly knocks my socks off.

Brando - Consider it virtual birth control!

Dagny Taggart said...

I'm not a big fan of yellowtail either - but maybe people keep bringing it for you BECAUSE of your Aussie background?

Jamie said...

Yellowtail does actually knock my socks off. It's a consequence of my toenails curling up when I drink it.

Lemon Gloria said...

That is one creepy picture. And you know, I didn't know what a changeling was! Thank you for enlightening me!

As for the wine, no clue.

Shannon said...

Dagny - Well, I guess it's better than Vegemite, which is the other thing people bring me.

Jamie - Your toes curl under and your socks pop right off? Remind me to serve you a glass of Yellowtail so I can see that in action.

LG - I am here to serve!

Alex said...

I agree with Dagny's theory. At least people aren't bringing you cans of Foster's and AC/DC mixes...

bh said...

Because it's hangover in a bottle, and the Australians, god bless them, deserve oenological scorn for turnout tanker ships full of cheap goon and slapping a label of some dancing marsupial on it.

I suppose it's better to have a changeling than a gremlin, who just takes your stuff. I currently have a blackberry gremlin in my house, that i'm failing miserably at eradicating.

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Just A Girl said...

I don't mind Yellowtail, although it's certainly not my favorite. I like Barefoot better. Then again, my garage is currently home to a box of white zin so...

Yes, the BOX of wine is in the garage. I'm so embarrassed...

lacochran said...

Yellowtail seems to be all the range in the under $10 category. No idea why. You'd think people would prefer to drink something that *doesn't* leave them with a yellow tail.