Thursday, September 09, 2010

The Vuvuzelas of the Blogverse, or, Tell Me Your Peeves

I'll admit to being a persnickety, peevish old crank. I'll also admit to being a bit of a blowhard when it comes to, well, all sorts of things. And I'll admit I'm not perfect, or even merely extraordinary.

Enough disclaimers for you? Ok, then, let's rant n' roll. In particular, let's rant about Annoying and Grody Internet Stuff That Makes Me Bonkers. The vuvuzelas of the blogverse, so to speak. Here's my personal top ten blogverse and internet peeves:

1. Any variation of "nom nom nom." Eating noises, are, frankly, gross (I personally can't abide the sound of crunching or slurping). So why on Earth are we imitating those noises? What's next, literary interpretations of fart sounds? (Please, no.)

2. "I peed my pants," to indicate merriment. Beyond trite. And I really don't want to picture a bunch of incontinent people whizzing onto their laptops.

3. "I threw up in my mouth a little," to indicate disgust. Gross. And even more trite than wetting yourself.

4. "I just spat [hipster liquid] on my keyboard," to indicate amusement. Why are you still typing? Shouldn't you get up and get a rag or something?

5. "Nosh." Yes, I know it's Yiddish. You know what else it is? An annoying word.

6. Any variation of "Squeeeee!" or "Eeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!" Yes, I've used the latter. But that was to indicate that I was recently engaged, not that Miller High Life was on sale at Giant or that lavender was my new favorite color. It's annoyingly cutesy, like the Vera Bradley handbag of the blogverse.

7. Not really a word or phrase, but excessive quotes of any of the following: Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Family Guy, or, well, really, if I could get a one-hour break from Always Sunny references, I'll lump any number of other TV references.

8. Gchat transcripts as blog posts. Really. We know you have friends. Simply posting a transcript comes across as "Look how funny and awesome my friend @hotstuffblogger is! Eeeee and squeee!" It's also lazy - either ask your funny friend to do a guest post, or at least condense the transcript.

9. LOLcat speak. It's kind of cute when kittens and lizards do it. You're a grownup. Write like one. (Unless your blog is intended for an audience of kittens and lizards, because well, that's awesome and makes you really cutting-edge).

10. People who self-righteously complain in list format like persnickety and peevish weirdos. Like, uh, me.

In the comments, get it all out. Tell me your peeves. It'll feel good. Or try to tick me off.
Also, welcome back to Lemmonex.


Lemon Gloria said...

All I've got to say is that you just made me feel a whole lot less hatey. Well, and that you scare me a little.

Shannon said...

Well, I did turn a little green and say, "Shannon SMASH!" and "You wouldn't want to make me angry," as I wrote this.

Carla @ I Run, You Run said...

The Gmail chats posts!! HATE THEM.

It's like when someone tells you a funny story, then it's not funny, and they go "well, I guess you had to be there" -- that's how I feel about those chat posts. They're not funny. Maybe, MAYBE, if I knew both parties I can get the sense of humor and personalities across (I have yet to read a chat post where I know both parties), but aside from that? Annoying. Not funny. And always comes across as obnoxious.

Lemmonex said...

Thanks, Shannon.

Also, I hate all those things. All. I don't think I do any of them.

I also hate awesomesauce and amazeballs. Hate!

Great minds.

Titania said...

My personal peeve is acronyms: LOL, ROFLMO (or whatever)... They make me irk inside. Excpet, of course STFU, that one I love.

Brando said...

I'm glad you didn't include cartoonish sound effects written out, like "eek!" to convey shock/despair, or "argh!" to convey being a pirate, or "grr!" to convey anger, because I do all of those and cannot stop it because I constantly see mice, pirates and uneaten meat.

Shannon said...

Carla - You have it so right! It's always this meandering chitchat stuff - like, do you really expect your readers to slog through it all?

Lem - Awesomesauce? I'm amazaballs grateful I hadn't even heard of that until now.

Titania - Oh, textspeak, how I hate it!

Shannon said...

Brando - I would totally read a blog about pirates eating meat and seeing mice.

One Blonde Girl said...

I am with you on the eating noises, real or written. Gross. Please, let's put an end to this.

And your Vera Bradley reference? Genius.

The LOLcat speak is beyond annoying as well. While we're on the subject, I can't stand misspelled words, accidental or intentional.

And I hate vlogging. If you're vlogging, I'm not reading, er, listening. If I wanted to hear/watch opinionated people, I'd watch cable news. But I don't want to, which is why I read blogs. Plus, my computer does not like to play videos.

Thanks for the venting invite.