I'd like to issue awards to all those who gave Washington's week of Snowtastrophe that special tang of fumbling absurdity:The Any Port in a Storm Award goes to the Irish Channel, which was open and serving...even though they really, really should have gotten off their keisters and shoveled their walk. Drunk people plus a sheet of ice? GENIUS.
The Are You Freakin' Kidding Me? Award goes to....the woman blocking Mass Ave in her stalled-out big ol' Mercedes. Why anyone would see a big pile of slush and ice and drive straight into it is beyond me. It's sort of like horror movies, where you always want the dippy blond to kick off her shoes and run, instead of breaking a heel, losing her will to go on, and hyperventilating her way to a grisly death.
Honorable Mention: Metro. Holy hell.
The Graciousness Under Pressure Award goes to the four men who, upon seeing the woman in her stalled-out Mercedes, tried to push her out despite her limited grasp of English, reality, and basic driving skills, and her assertion that she under no circumstances would call a tow truck. (At that point I gave up trying to help and told her I'd check in on her in the spring.)
The C'mon, Folks, Is That the Best You Can Do? Award goes to the two yuppie women in the RAV-4 who, upon seeing the stranded Mercedes lady, flipped her the bird and tried to get around her by jumping the sidewalk.
Honorable Mention: The Smithsonian, for not doing a damn thing to dig out any sort of pedestrian pathway on Fourth Street. My walk to work was a very slippery game of chicken with some very cranky motorists.
The Power to Say No Without Laughing Outright Award goes to the Associated Press reporter I ran into on the aforementioned Fourth Street slushfest. His SUV was stuck, so I stopped and offered to help. I'm sure he looked at me all, "Well, here's the strapping, muscular Colossus who can shove a two-ton truck out of a snowbank!" But he kept a straight face regardless, and even interviewed me for a story he was working on.
The All Life on Earth Would End Without You Award goes to the maintenance crew of my apartment building, who have been sleeping onsite for the last week to keep the walks shoveled and the residents safe. Way to go, guys!
Honorable Mention: Mint Chocolate Bailey's.
In the comments, award some Snowmageddies.
10 comments:
For the, "Any Port In A Storm Award," I'd like to nominate Mr. Henry's on Capitol Hill for keeping all my friends and I stuck to the bar, and properly (far above and beyond what was necessary) hydrated.
For "Really? Rear-Wheel Drive? In Snow?" I would like to nominate the owner of the BMW Z3 Roadster (light? convertible? BMW-bravado? *head'splody*) who managed to take up both lanes of the closest main road out of my hood. But I was walking so what do I care?
Btw, would you loan your maintenance guys out? I am in desperate need of competent folks in my development.
Foxy - I'm picturing you physically stuck to the bar, like the kid who licks the flagpole in A Christmas Story.
CB - I couldn't imagine life without my maintenance guys! No one could ever take them away from me.
(F)oxymoron, are we meant for each other? Because God I love Mr. Henry's.
My Are You Freakin' Kidding Me? nomination goes to the entire Metro today. Jesus. I'm just glad I have Verizon, so I can passive-aggressively Tweet my frustration. Also, the fat guy on the Orange line who yelled at everyone for not making room for him. Jerk.
my All Life on Earth Would End Without You Award goes to my brother-in-law and his snow blower. i don't do shovel
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