Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Ancient Chinese Art of All That's Wrong With Me

This month's domino included an article about feng shui (as in, the Chinese art of rearranging your furniture to achieve bliss). The article included a chart of the corners of the home, and what each one represents. I made the mistake of matching the chart to a floor plan of my apartment. So now I have ancient Chinese reasons for all that's wrong with my life. In list form, here we go:

1. Knowledge: The kitchen. OK, I know how to cook. That's knowledge. This is working out well so far.
2. Friendship: Right about where the TV is. Mainly I use the TV to play Grand Theft Auto and Karaoke Revolution with friends, so far so good. Until we get to...
3. Money: the bar, which has a fairly extensive liquor collection. OK, so the Chinese have told me why I'm always broke and a bit of a lush. I have booze in my money corner! I can deal.
4. Reputation: The balcony. My friend Jason was over for dinner last night, and we tried to figure out how a balcony corresponds to reputation. His ideas centered around flashing people, mine, well, I didn't have any ideas. So reputation was kind of a wash.
5. Marriage: This corner features a whole lot of clutter (see Corner of Conundrum post), including the box of stuff my ex dropped off. Spooky. My views on marriage are a bit cluttered and complicated, so I guess that works.
6. Children and Creativity: The bed. That's really scary. I feel like I ought to invest in some quadruple-strength industrial birth control and shoot my ovaries full of radiation.
7. Career: The bathroom. I am seriously not kidding. Insert your own "career in the toilet" joke here. Though the added perk is that visitors to my home, instead of going to the restroom, can visit the "career corner."

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